The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Part of the "SBIG" series and the third-to-last installment. A ten-chapter, intentionally poorly written joke story where the Journals come to life, and things get confusing really fast. Features a lazy palette swap of Mabel or two, "inspiration" from the "Light of Courage" animations, Soos kind of being involved in a harem, and it's set after "Little Gift Shop of Horrors."
1. The Summer of Light

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 1: The Summer of Light Brings a Summer of Courage**

 **Beginning AN:**

 **Welcome to SBIG!** This is a series of purposefully badly done stories that care very little with making sense or trying to add any emotional impact. Or... that's the intent. This is sort of like a bad attempt at comedy. Now, two things I try to avoid with this when comparing the installments to other fics done bad on purpose. One is making them unreadable (but this... admittedly wasn't always a major focus of mine). Two is that this isn't going to get... too disgusting. Well, it might in some stories, but it won't rely on grossout factors as an entertainment value, and even the ones that do teeter into uncomfortable territory won't be trying to really 'outdo' other fics that do this. The only thing I try to trump myself in is the plot's stupidity. Not how hard it is to read it, and not how disgusted (or infuriated for that matter) you will be by it.

Anyway, if you want to read a more legit fan fiction by me about _Gravity Falls_ , I'd highly recommend _run:gifocalypse_. As a matter of fact, and heck I'm probably spoiling too much as-is, let's just say that there's a reason why I think you should read that first _becides_ that I am way more proud of my legitimate works than my intentionally poorly written series. By the way, this is the third-to-last installment of that. I already have an ending planned for "all of _SBIG_ ," it's just that because of the sheer plot volume this particular trigger is taking a _really_ long time for me to pull. Well, here's the next step in pulling the trigger of the gun that will basically kill off my "I'm doing it badly and giving it a stupid plot on purpose" series, hopefully making more room for more legitimate fics from me in the future.

Speaking of _run:gifocalypse_ , I'm just going to warn you in advance (and think of this as a 'reward' for reading my author's notes) that chapters 2, 3, and 4 will once each have the characters flat-out break the fourth wall to tell you to read it. There, see? I even told you when the running gag will end. Ahead of time. You can thank me later.

* * *

Before I "begin" proper this shit is like the opening to _Gurren Lagann_ , except I PROMISE that this will ome up again and won't just be some throwaway that reflects an old version of the plot!

No, I really promise! This **will** be a perfect "in the middle" foreshadowing!

Anyway...

 _We start with a galaxy that zooms out and then there's explosions and stuff, and the camera zooms around to show like this giant battleship that the Mystery Shack is on. You'll find out what this is called later. A grown up (as in, 7 more years) Dipper walked out of the front door and on to the main ship thingy, with a normal, organic right arm but a left arm being like a robotic prosthetic. He held, in that arm, a family photo of him and Mabel, and smiled in sad memory._

 _But as he got on foreward and his badass cape blew in the wind (space-wind? they're also in space, by the way), he crossed his arms and looked around at like these seats that were taken by some other people that this story will eventually get to._

 _"Status report!" Said Dipper, this will foreshadow the eventual party._

 _One of them was Waddles, except now humanoid (he still has a pig head) and talking. And yes, he sounds like his device did in that one episode, so he's Neil Graass-Tyson._

 _"Well Dipper, everyone still wants to kill us." Said Waddles._

 _Dipper chuckled. "So there are trillions of galaxies, each galaxy with hundreds of billions of starts, each star could have some planets, and some planets could have some races, but each of those races has billions of people._

 _"And all of them hate us right now. i like thos odds."_

 _He turned his attention around tot the rest of the crew._

 _"Quick check! Engines operational!?" He asked._

 _"All engines are functioning just fine sir otherwise we wouldn't have made it to space." Said what looks like a buff man, but with Journal 3 for a head._

 _"Fuel purfified?" Dipper continued asking._

 _"All fuel is pure and ready for comsumables!" Shouted the Pterodactyl with cyborg parts._

 _"Sails up?"_

 _"Dude sails are great!" Responded Soos, who was naked and had these fairy wings but otherwise doesn't look that much older at all. He was censored by the controls._

 _"And finally, are the cannons done?" He asked._

 _Actually giving it some thought this party has too many naked dudes (Waddles and J3 are also both naked and covered by like the spaceship_ Star Trek _control thingy), let's uh... this is totally in the name of equality and no other reason, but post-timeskip Wendy just had duct-tape over her nethers (it's a reference to this viedo "Kids 20 years from now," so it's an easter egg and not just a pervert), except her boobs were covered by hair and not tape which will foreshadow the Topfreedom Arc in chapters 11-33 and how they got it legalized._

 _"Alright them!" Said Dipper. "We're going to war with all the lights in the skiy, which are called stars!"_

 _Then we got this badass walk of the whole crew walking together, and Mabel was notably absent. (So was Stan but I'd imagine he'd die of old age by that point so that's why HE's dead but not Mabel's death...) They slowly walked across the deck like those badass slow-mo movies, and we saw a shot of that the ship was like as big as... maybe twelve-ish Mystery Shacks, and Dipper used his real right arm to grab this drill thingy he had around his neck and it glowed a minty green. (Mmmm... mint.)_

 _"SHACKAN LAGANN! SPIN ON! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?" He asked politely._

* * *

The moonlight of midnight was shining brightly over the town of Gravity Falls, where it then shone into a mirror and into the Journal #3.

It was time.

The journal grew a hand from the top and bottom of its back cover, and then legs from the side of the cover. This and not within the pages so you could still read it. Then, the journal stood up on the legs, and walked over to Dipper's bed, slapping him in the face awake.

"DIPPER IT IS TIME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY NOW. THE MIDNIGHT HAS HIT AND YOU ARE NOW READY FOR THE TRUTH."

"...Just five more minutes." He said, drowsy.

"DIPPER YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I ENTAIL. I AM REALLY THE JOURNAL OF COURAGE. I WAS AN ORDINARY BOOK WRITTEN BY AN AUTHOR I DON'T KNOW ABOUT UNTIL ALL THREE OF US FELL INTO THE MAGIC OF THE TRIFORCE- MEAN TRIPLE FORCE OR SOMETHING? NOW, AS THE JOURNAL OF COURAGE, I HAVE SELECTED TO STAY WITH THE GUY WITHOUT A LOT OF COURAGE. JOURNAL 2, OF POWER, IS GOING TO SOMEONE WHO ORIGINALLY LACKS SOME POWER, AND JOURNAL 1, OF WISDOM, WENT TO AN IGNORANUS."

"Ignoranus?"

"IGNORANT ANUS."

By this point all of Journal 3's shouting got Dipper to wake up, so the journal didn't have to shout anymore.

"Okay so you are kind of a coward."

"Do you know about-"

"Shut up, I don't know anything. Any backstories. Or mysterys. But, now that the magic is activated, if you bring all of us together, and gather the 616 Keys, then all will be revealed. Your courage is necessary. I saw Journal 2 going down the woods trail so that could help."

"But I'm tired..."

"Dipper. Today is the day that a hero becomes the courage. Not tomorrow, not in five weeks, today. The now, is when the blood boils the courage inside you to full length."

"Okay then, if I have to."

Then Mabel woke up.

"What's going on? WAIT THE JOURNAL CAN TALK? How is it?"

"He not it." Said the Journal of Courage. "And Mabel, we are going to find one of my two brothers. Dipper look for it, you can go or stay, I don't really care. You're kind of obnoxious."

*Cue intro*

* * *

Outside, they saw Journal 2 walking down the road. Mabel chose to go by the way.

"I am sorry I have to do this." Said the Journal of Power.

Suddenly, out of the trees, was a Mabel lookalike! She had dark blueish-black hair to show she was eviler. Also her nose was a tiny bit pointier, like Pacifica and pointy noses are of meaner knockoffs like you see with witches fucking everywhere in media.

"Hello I am Nzyvo. The n is silent. I'll tell you more about me, but I have some things to do first. Like, getting this."

The journal of Power hopped into her arms.

"You see, I was kind of weak. So now that I have this I guess I will be a bit stronger. WATCH THIS: THE POWER OF POWER!"

Then she put her hand on the hand print marking, and started blazing on fire. Dipper tried doing the same thing, but it wasn't.

"She is using the Power of Power!" The second Journal of Power said, "I am actually a little hopeless since I didn't know she would be evil, but hopefully Dipper you can man up and us the Power of Courage! She's tapping into her inner power that she can't outwardly have at first, YOU must find the COURAGE!"

He kept trying to! But this was scary!

"DIN'S FIRE!" Nzyvo cried, then setting a big circle of fire out. Dipper and Mabel had to run away.

When they turned back, she was grappling hooking her way away. Mabel tried to reach for her own hook, before realizing that Nzyvo's WAS her own!

"That bitch stole it!" She cried. Because this was the movie, it was darker, and so there is more swearing aloud.

"Now can we sleep? Oh, who am I kidding, I can't sleep after finding Mabel has a twin!" Dipper told the journal.

"You already know she has a twin. His name is Dipper, idiot." Journal 3 said, then laughed at him. "Anyway, no. The last thing I want to bug you about is to start looking for the keys. When brought together, they can bring you to a mystic palace with unlimited power."

"What kind of power?"

"That will be revealed when you know what it is. Right now, I have no answers."

Dipper realized this and asked his next question. "Where to look then?"

"I can give you guides on the normal 616 keys, luckily all three journals were casted to do that. First - not first you can do them in any order - is the Key of Tree, located in that bush over there."

Dipper ran to the bushes and found a green, cool-looking key with a tree design near its middle.

"Then I guess the Key of Fire, which is a little bit more complicated."

He pointed over to a volcano. (Yes one of the mountains by Gravity Falls is a volcano.) Dipper sighed and started his treck.

"Do I really have to get them all one at a time?"

"No, some of them come in clusters."

* * *

Meanwhile, Nzyvo found the Dusk to Dawn convenent store, and walked in.

"Since I was born at 6 am though that means that even though this is legalogically my birthday, I am only still a kid for some more hours."

The ghosts inside nodded.

"Now, can you help me defeat this other kid? He has a crush on this annoying little _teen_."

Pa asked, "But then, will we be turning against our believes?"

"No. He's a jerk, and I'm innocent. Now, if you will, I will add something to this haunted store. A piloters, so that it can attack."

* * *

Dipper got the key, after having to put out a mysterious campfire-looking thing (thankfully not going INSIDE the volcano hahahaha). He then got Journal 3 back out, and Mabel nodded.

"Okay, that was easier than I thought. Now what?"

The volcano errupted.

"Now to run. But later, the Key of Water."

Suddenly, there was shaking, and it wasn't the volcano! It was Nzyvo, and she had this... gray cube face-looking tiny mecha, attatched to the Dusk to Dawn store on top of it. And the store was walking after them with arms and legs made of stone that were grown from it!

"EAT LED, BIRD-BRAINS!" She cried, and used some custom-made missiles that sprung out from the store, and started shooting them at the twins! They ran down, dodging them on their way to the ground level.

"What to we do?" Dipper asked, having to jump at times.

"The no idea!" Mabel replied.

"Maybe we can break into them somehow, and see if that will be the one to stop them!"

Nzyvo got out an evil grin as she pushed a button, and then drills sprung off from the arms of the convenience store.

"TAKE THE CONVENIENCE STORE... OF DEATH!"

And then the drills started rocketting off of its hands! Dipper frowned as he noticed that the store-mecha was too fast and he couldnt' do anything to save himself or Mabel, and that was emphasized when its hand grabbed her up!

"NO! MABEL! GRRRR..."

He channeled his power, or should I say courage, and then the journal glowed green, and things got windy.

"YOU LET HER GO YOU EVIL BUILDING!" Dipper cried.

"Or else what?"

"POWER OF COURAGE! GO!"

The wind intensified but then... it just made a little ball of light. The wind stopped.

"That's all it can do? Shoot."

Dipper was taken in the other hand. He struggled and struggled but Nzyvo laughed.

"Dipper Pines! You are so stupid, did you know that? But not stupid enough to get the Journal of Wisdom, I guess!"

"Do you know anything about it's wherabouts?"

"I wish! I really really wish! All I knew is that your Great Uncle lied to you, and had it the whole time!"

Dipper gasped! And so did Mabel! This took place before Not How He Seems, by the way.

"UNHAND ME!" Dipper shouted. Nzyvo shrugged.

"Okay, but you wouldn't like it."

She tossed them into the sky, then suddenly, the new feet of the store jumped up, and Dipper and Mabel crashed in through the roof into the store itself. There, they saw the ghosts.

"YOU AGAIN!" Dipper cried, "I remember you! But Mabel doesn't since she was high."

"This be right." Pa said, with an errie laugh to remind us of his ghostness.

"Then why are you fighting us? You know that we're both twelve- oh... shoot. We're thirteen. B-but Nzyvo should be too!"

"Yes," Ma explained, "But not really. You see, you were born at 6 AM, and Mabel and Nzyvo were at 6:05. So we decided that since you're not teens yet, we can still listen to you. Barely. Anyway, Nzyvo we're helping to defeat you two because you'll be two teens in the future, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"That's the wrong phrase I think..." Mabel said with a finger up like people usually do in cartoons when trying to tell someone they're an idiot but too scared to say it outright since they'll probably kill you. "Journal, do you have any idea?"

"How the hell should I know? I'm not the Journal of Knowing Stupid Metaphor Crap. Shove that question where it belongs: A landfill." Journal 3 said.

"Either way," Pa said, "The point is, teenagers become giant cocks. So what's more fitting than killing you that way?"

"EWWWW! NOOOO!" Both the Pine twins said at the same time. But then they spawned a giant, killer ghost rooster, and they both breathed in fresh air of relief. But then they were scared since the rooster also had really sharp teeth and claws and could spit out acid.

The rooster chased them around like in a horror episode, shooting acid balls all over the place, and also melting part of the store. But not since it was all just a ghost illusion thingy (that could hurt people but not hurt convenience story). It got to a point where Mabel was surrounded by a half-ring of acid that was bubbling, and she was backed up against the glass doors. She looked out to see that it was still flying through the sky, somewhere outside of Gravity Falls by now, because that was an extreme jump.

"MABEL! I'LL SAVE YOU!" Dipper cried, scurrying over to the ring, jumping over it, and the journal glew green again.

"DO A THING AGAIN!" He cried as he jumped to her, then there was a flash and a lot of wind from that spot, and they were gone.

"CRAP! FAROERE'S WIND!" Nzyvo slapped herself in the face. "I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING! THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE POWER OF COURAGE!"

On this little circle-screen thingy that normally shows colors and spirals, it clicked to a picture of Ma.

"Hey, just to let you know, they vanished-"

"I KNOW THAT! I CAN MAKE THIS SCREEN SHOW WHAT'S HOOKED UP TO YOUR CAMERAS!"

"Should we go back?" Pa asked. By this point, they finally stopped rising in the air and were going back down.

"No. Keep on course. Now, Journal, tell me where to find the keys."

"Sorry, idiot," Journal 2 said, "Keys is the third journal of courage's stuff. Each of us has a certain something. I, however, can locate an object. It may not be as strong as what the keys unlock, but damn if it's not something cool, and there's only one of it so you'll find it now."

"So we're not after a key?"

"No."

Nzvyo took a breath in, then pushed a button, and a canopy-like thingy that kind of looked like a cubic brain stretched over the cockpit of whatever cube thing Nzyvo was in. With that, they took a plunge under water, and that water zoomed out to be... THE CENTER OF THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE!

* * *

 **(Gravity Falls Mountain Thingy, a bit earlier)**

Dipper and Mabel respawned back where the bright light was first set.

"Where are we?" Mabel asked.

"Back in Gravity Falls. It must have been a teleport." Dipper reasoned. He opened the journal and looked through it for answers. "I don't see anything like this before! Anyway, that's done, now, Mr. #3, tell me what's the next key."

"The water key. In lake Gravity Falls."

Dipper sighed.

* * *

 **(Under Ocean)**

Because of the combining process, Nzyvo's mecha was now water-tight, and they could stay submerged around. Well Nzyvo. The ghosts were already water proof since they have already dead. However, Nzyvo took off her sweater, put the journal in a secret waterproof compartment, and put it back on then opened the canopy. The journal glowed red from her front, since it was the front of her sweater that had the compartment. Nzyvo held a hand out, and a fireball shot through and blew up this suspicious looking rock that was shaped like an eye.

Teeth-gritting, Nzyvo swam herself over to the wreckage, and found a ring. She put it on, and it started glowing, with a red arrow pointing to the store.

"A ring, that points to the supernatural." The journal of Power said, "Useful, for someone, who seeks the power. Since you did spend weeks around the town and came up with nothing until finally these guys."

Nzyvo smirked.

* * *

 **(Gravity Falls Lake)**

"So that was the key of water." Dipper said, re-emerging after getting it from between some rocks. "But before we move on, can you tell me how to tap into your power?"

"Yes. You see, the journals are attracted to people who lack the aspects. That's what was given before. However, it is the honest will to get said aspect that makes the more powerful. Seek courage, and the Power of Courage will seek you and light the way. Anyway, there's a group now. Keys of leaf, oak, vine, bush, grass, thorn, rose, daisy, and violet."

"Huh? Those are all tied to plants in some way."

"Yes. Keys tend to sort of come in groups like that if they are hidden somewhere more guarded. The tree, fire, and water keys were just easier versions of these nine-fold keys. Now, you'll have to comb through a forest dungeon to the end to get them. Do you know the Bunker? There's also a staircase going up. Use that staircase, to go up, into the leaves, and follow this hollow tube to go there, and find your way through that dungeon."

They made their way over there, and climbed up, and it was a bit exhausting, since it was a maze of trees with a lot of deliberately sharp thorn things, but Mabel was cutting her way through. PS, Dipper and Mabel slept a lot since they fell asleep by seven last night due to hard work in that day, explaining why they aren't tired.

"Okay! what's next?" Dipper asked.

But suddenly, something broke through the tunnels! It was the hand of that Nzyvo mech! Dipper and Mabel fell out, to see them there!

"Now it's over!" Nzyvo said!

Then the store fired out a TON of tiny drill missiles! That can explode! But the blast was shielded by... it was STAN PINES and his goth cart!

"Stand back kids!"

"We're too late." Dipper said, "All we must do is fight, because if we run, she will blow us up."

"Who?"

"Her name is Nzyvo. She looks a lot like Mabel."

"But with bad fashion sense! Ew!" Mabel added.

On the screen doors, a TV screen with her face on it appeared. "I can see that the golf car has protected you. But, I will continue looking for items and try to murder you all in your sleep."

"Good luck on that! I saw so much scary stuff that I'm having trouble sleeping!" Dipper shouted.

"HA!" Nzyvo cried. Then she lept off back to her base. Oh yeah, she took the store with her. That part's really important too.

"Kids, what was all of this?" Stan asked.

"Well, the Journal Came to life and started saying that I needed... the keys."

"Not just any keys!" Journal of Courage jumped out of the hiding spot Dipper put it (not in the front of his pants that would be obvious. He hid it in the front of his shirt because what guy would want to look like he has boobs?) and spoke. "Hey old gieser, we're on your side. These keys are the KEY (heh) to defeating her, and uniting the worlds, and stopping the apocalypse."

"So you know I had journal one then."

"They know more about the journals than you you idiot. Sadly it's too late. Dipper dug himself too deep. But, with the Power of Courage, he can dig his way up to and past the heavens. And without the Power of Courage, Dipper would be dead. Maybe Mabel too. Now, follow me, we have the key of flame, of blaze, heat, smoke, lava, molten earth, hell, heck, and firework. It's under the tunnels of the mountain."

* * *

 **(Mountain)**

"Boy was that hot." Dipper said, getting the pile and adding it to the keychain. PS, Journal of Courage gave that to him. Stan said, "Look, I have a lot of important things to do, mostly involving money. I hated crawling through that tunnel. I'm out."

"Okay, finished?" Dipper asked to the journal. "This is one monotonous task."

"This will take forever if we keep stalling to goof off. Soon, I sense that Nzyvo will return with the Power of Creatures, and become more of a slowdown than she already is."

"Even _more_?" Mabel whined.

"Droplets. Condensation. Mist. Wave. Bubble. Cloud. Seawater. Ice. Snow. Get to it, chop chop, looking around the little sea temple thingy under the center of the lake."

Dipper groaned.

* * *

 **(Evil Secret Base)**

"Okay, what I will need, is the power to counteract with that golf cart. That part I know. But what else can I get..."

Her base was really just another part of the forest. Nothing special there.

Ma and Pa shrugged, "You can always have that spiral thingy. " The first said, "We are weird ghosts that can do weird things like trap people inside of 2-D objects, and even we don't understand how your energy that powers this work. I mean, that machine can even tap into ghost powers that can tap into machines..."

"Hey though," Nzyvo said, "In a few hours, you'll hate me. So I need to find replacements. I'm glad I found you two while I can still join forces with you, but that supernatural seeking is easier with this ring, I can just see more permanent people." It started glowing. "Hrm. There's one right under the forest in Graivyt Falls. Let's go there now!"

They leaped to a certain tree. But not just any tree dun dun dun... IT WAS THE AUTHOR FORD'S! (This takes place between Blind Eye and Gift Shop of Horrors so this was before Ford was invented.)

* * *

 **(Gravity Falls Lake)**

Dipper submerged from the place location with all the keys in hand, taking a breath out. "Okay, _now_ can I go to sleep?"

"Eh... your funeral." The Journal of Courage said. "It's not your life I give a crap about so much as saving the Earth yada yada yada."

"Then does Journal of Power evil for wanting it dead?" Dipper asked, seriously.

Mabel gasped. "Nzyvo sounds like evil! It makes sense!" She said, sillyously.

"No, because Nzyvo wants to remake remodel the world, not destroy it, and reinforce it. Or something. Her goal falls somewhere around that spectrum, I don't personally know but ask the journal of Power. That was sarcastic. I wasn't informing that to you Dipper since you knew that, but your retarded sister. Anyway, we don't care if the guy has to sacrifice a few lives, just if it reaches, like, millions or thousands or something high. Until then that's why the keys are a higher priority, so chop chop."

"Your rude." Dipper said to the journal.

"Yeah, but I'm your only hope. So deal with it."

"Well I'm going to sleep. Jesus, crawling through those dungeons and going around was long."

Then he saw the store again! By the bunker!

"HEY!" Dipper shouted, "NO! That place has leads on the author! I will not let you "

"LOOK I WASN'T TRYING TO KILL YOU NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU GOD!" Nzyvo said, "I JUST ACTUALLY WANTED YOUR JOURNALS! I WOULD HAVE HAD THE GHOSTS USE THEIR GHOST POWERS TO PUT A BUBBLE AROUND YOU! I ONLY WANT YOUR JOURNAL!"

"BLEH!" Dipper cried, as he and Mabel epically ran to the tree. Nzyvo activated the lever, but then looked at the twins and put on a meh face and had the robo arm grab them and stuff them back into the store. They tumbled through the door and around the floor, and because of Ma and Pa's ghost gravity they were not sliding because the store was at an angle looking into the bunker's staircase.

"PROOVE IT!" Dipped shouted to her. "Don't use these ghosts to kill us, they're hostile! Just uh... fight me like a woman for the journals!"

The ghosts looked at eachother. "Um, yeah." Pa said, "Nzyvo, I agree. This kid's conflict is getting too much. And... even if what you said about the two birds and one stone, we really shouldn't try to _torment_ them or anything. We still think the Dipper's lamb dance was cute. We're leaning towards... neutral for now."

Then Dipper looked at his watch and smirked, just as a drill opening formed and she dropped down from her mech into it. Holding up the Journal of Power, Nzyvo shouted "THE POWER OF POWER!" and started burning on fire red. But it was also somehow fire-proof, so the journal didn't burn away.

Then she started charging after them - but then.

"HEY!" Ma shouted, "It's now 6:00 am. That's when your birthday was legally. I know the journals consider it midnight because that's the mystical cool way of everything being in midnight (see: Shrek the second when they comment on this I think), but we do things the technical way."

Dipper shoved Mabel out the door before the ghosts could notice.

"Nzyvo..." Pa finished, "You are now... 13... which is officially a teenager. We'll turn against you. Mabel, you too- drat. Anyway, Dipper, you're free for five more minutes."

Dipper nodded, and ran out as things started flying around Nzyvo. But she stared up and scowled at them.

"FINE! However... this is still technically in control of my Laghanhanhhaaan! And it's overall powerless without someone to give imput to the Laghanhanhhaaan itself! And since I'm down here, that means nothing!"

Then sparks and green light stuff was going all over the place. It was the mecha interfiering with the ghost's powers!

"NOOOO!" Both of them cried while Nzvyo ran to the end and hit the wall on her left, which is away from the direction of the Into the Bunker Tree. Because of this slight tilt, the legs the store was standing on fell and wobbled, then the whole thing broke. The mecha uncombined and all the new weapons dissappeared and Ma and Pa were floating there with shocked expressions, while the Pines twins kept running away. By the way, ever since the "Nzyvo..." line, Nzyvo herself stopped lighting herself on fire. Now it was Nzyvo's turn to cross her arms and smirk.

"Well" said Ma, "We chose to be haunting ghosts making us more powerful but at the cost of having to stick within a general region and now that region is gone and so we're technically out of the region just floating in its ruins having no idea how to get back so we are just..."

Then, like Death Note's default deaths (this isn' them re-living their deaths) they had heart attacks, and fell and died. Then ghosts came from their ghosts and they floated up to Heaven where they might meat Jesus if you think that's what happens to the dead. "WE'LL HAUNT YOU SOME DAY!" They both shouted.

"Yeah... no. Anyway, back to permanent help." Nyzvo said, smiling at her ring and walking... Into the Bunker.

* * *

 **(Mystery Shack Addict)**

Dipper and Mabel were about to sleep.

"Wow, that was one day. Er, night." Dipper said.

"Yeah, but think about that walk back home." Mabel commented, "Before we left, they said you would be a teenager in five minutes. I already was back then. And you are right... now." The watch ticked over. "It's kind of sad. We'll never be thought of as kids again. And there's a point where we'll never be seen as teenagers again. And young adults. And middle-aged adults. And... alive."

The Journal of Courage laughed. "Mortals are idiots."

Dipper sighed. "Should have must embraced my childhood then. I mean, you spent is as a kid. I spent it... digging up mysteries here, but at least I did something. This Nzyvo though... she's a lot of mysteries, but one thing I know, she wasted her children trying to be a villain of sorts. Actually that's just a bad waste of a life in general. Also playing too much video games and watching too much TV is a waste but let's not preach that here."

The Journal of Courage nicened up enough to say, "True, but as you grow old, so will your courage. That is the importance to know."

* * *

 **(Into the Bunker)**

Nzyvo explored until she saw the freezing chamber. The ring was leading her to that, so she brushed a hand against it. She saw what looked like Dipper and gasped.

"CAN IT BE? Is this even _possible_? Clone 3 or 4, and you just got the pine tree on your hat?"

She ran to the unfreeze button, unfroze him, then ran back to his laxation. He was coughing and getting out of the frozen tube, then looked at her.

"Thank you for saving-" his voice changed. "Oh. It's you. Or... is it? What happened to your hair? Ew, it looks awful. I much prefer your older style."

"...Oh. Oh well, you'll do for the start of my _permanent_ help..."

WKH NHB LV LQ RQH RI WKH VROR NHBV.

F PVVT ULWY ALGHMVH.

* * *

 **Closing AN:**

I'd like to get out of the way that this chapter isn't exactly what I have in mind for the rest of the story. I wrote it, in its entirety, a good two years or so ago and only really went back to it recently. Like, in mid-July. Of this very same year it came out. And I did not feel like changing it as much as I did with chapter 2's original plans and 2014-era writing (also, at least the bulk of chapter 2 was done on this year). So, in terms of tone and what will happen, this chapter could be considered the oddball before the story finds its footing. Although I do believe it's kind of rare for notes of a series to mention this at all, let alone _during_ the "oddball beginning" chapter.

So if you enjoyed it, I hope you enjoy what's to come. If you did not, maybe you should keep reading anyway in case by some slight chance you'll find the next nine chapters to be a step-up and closer to the right direction? And if you just hate intentionally poorly written fan fics, rest assured: I will only post two more (well, and some mirrors/remakes/reposts of earlier installments) before a good chunk of the _SBIG_ series as a whole reaches its end.


	2. Old Foes, New Tricks

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 2: Old Foes, New Tricks, New Foes, Newer Tricks**

* * *

Nzyvo then, after freeing the Shapeshifter and convincing her of anti-Dipper alliance (Shapeshifter didn't like the way Dipper dressed and Nzyvo dressed better), to go over to the next people for group.

First, she went to the dumps with jack-o-mellon and smashed them, shouting "I HAVE NO HALLOWEEN OR SUMMERWEEN SPIRIT!" And that drew the Summerween Trickster to their location. Nzyvo smirked at him and began "Let's make a deal..." before cutting to the next scene to withhold her awesome debate skills for later.

Then she went to the Land Before Swine and jumped on the pterodactyl's back, snickering as she held up metal plates of kind.

Finally, Hooha's Pizza, where she kicked the Fight Fighters arcade and Giffany came out with the same code stuff that brought Rumble to life. Nzyvo already held up the disk.

"Here I fixed this shit so you can jump back in it I'll explain later but for now I'm awesome I'll help you become stronger and date Soos. Also, readers, if you want a less shitty Giffany coming to LIFE life and taking over the world, read _run:gifocalypse_."

*Cue intro*

* * *

Stan drove the whole Shack in a car. We did not know why until after a cop car containing Durland and Blubs drove after them, sirens playing _Blues Brothers_ style.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" Stan cried, "WE NEED TO LOSE THEM!"

"Or come up with a good enough distraction!" Mabel offered.

Then Soos leaned out and threw a banana and like in Mario Kart the cops were spun around before falling into water and getting fished out by Lakitulu.

"Good." Said Stan.

Then suddenly Nzyvo jumped on the shack-truck! And yeah she was back in her mecha again, it would be stupid if her main weapon was not.

"BOO!" She shouted.

"OH SHIT!" Cried Stan this time since he was at a loss and not at a won.

"Say Dipper there's more keys for you to be found." Said Journal 3. "A lot of keys to be exact. Again 616 of them total."

"I have a message for you all:" Said Nzyvo. "Die."

Suddenly the pterodactly jumped down on the shack and began tearing out at the team, while they drove around and tried to avoid getting killed. Unfortunately it now had cyborg censors so it could see if people walked between its eyes. Also the stuff about don't move only works in the movies, _Amazing World of Gumball_ taught me that.

And it could shoot fire. Like, Bowser Fire.

So the dino shot the Mystery Shack around and it spun out of control and fell into the woods, where it was tipped over and everyone fell out. Nzyvo got into her cockpit and flew over there and laughed at the time, while Dipper got mad and angry.

"YOU'RE A MARY SUE!" He shouted.

"You think that's bad? I still have three more friends. In fact I'm not actually Nzyvo, I'm one of her friends right now."

Then she morphed, and was the Shape Shifter! Aaahh!

That's not the opinon that the Mystery Shack had. They just groaned.

"You froze me, dammit." He said.

Journal 3 was clearing his throat and Dipper went "NOT NOW!"

Giffany appeared on the television and then she used her powers to lock up the doors when the gang was about to head back inside saying "Where do you think you going?" But Stan just used a key to unlock it and ran outside.

But inside was the Trickster! And was made of poison so he can't be eaten either! Ahhh!

"You're really not going anywhere, except captured. Hahahah."

Then the actual Nzyvo appeared on her mech (forgot its name) and laughed evilly as she said, "Well you're now surrounded. Give me the journal motherfuckers."

Then her foursome of gangs got out guns on them. Giffany could climb out of the door and stuff like on Grudge, so that's how she aimed guns.

"Well it's hopeless." Said Dipper. "But why were you trying to kill us again anyway?"

"Because I need the power!"

"What power?"

"The power of all journals brought together! Now, hand that shit over! Now! also the keys would be pretty nice but i'd rather wait for you to get them all."

Dipper was about to get sad and surrender and then he went throguh character development and realized "WAIT NO! I DON'T HAVE TO! SCREW YOU!" And then took off running. Nzyvo just laughed and went "Hold them hostabge motherfuckers!"

Then Giffany grabbed Soos, Shape Shifter grabbed Wendy, the Trickster grabbed Mabel, and I guess that leaves the cyborg dinosaur to somehow grab Stan. Fuck Waddles.

Dipper meanwhile cried out "DON'T WORRY I'LL SAVE YOU!" But he was still running because he knew that he needed to get to a spot where he wasn't so captured.

* * *

"Dipper." Said Journal 3.

"I don't want your advice it might even get me killed. And no we're not key hunting at this time."

"DIPPER!" The journal shouted.

"WHAT?"

"This is a time. A good time, where one has to look at their inner strength and wisdom. And also courage. Especially courage."

"Your point?"

"That running away like that was kind of cowardly but naw it was your only option never mind."

Dipper huffed, annoyed. "Yeah. Sometimes if you just charge into action you'll lose. This isn't like an anime where you're secretly chosen to be more powerful than anyone else and can win any confrontation."

Then Candy and Grenda came up to him. Journal 3 started sniffing.

"Hey," Said the journal, "I smell keys on that tiny one."

"Well." Said Dipper. "I'm sure those are house keys or car keys or something-"

"No it's THE keys, and there's lots of them. DIPPER COME ON!"

"Wow your private is talking." Said Grenda.

Dipper pulled Journal 3 out of his pants and said "No it's my journal that's talking."

"Aw." Grenda was disappointed.

"Hi there." Said Journal 3. "I am very annoying now."

"We already know." Said Candy. "We heard him screaming at you before we came. Say, we don't really like you where the hell is Mabel."

"Kidnapped." Dipper answered.

"WHAT REALLY?" Both Grenda and Candy gasped melalcoholicly.

"Yeah and I think the Journal says I can save them?"

"We can help you!" Candy cheered. "My strong friendship with Mabel will give me adrannaline making me really powerful, strong than you!"

"Dude. I knew Mabel our whole lives. You've only known her for, like, a month. I'm her closer friend than you."

"Let's not argue! Stop arguing, and start fighting!" Cheered Grenda. "Now where is that kidnappers ugly face! I bet he's so ugly that anyone who looks like him is terrible."

"Uh. _Her_ name is Nzyvo. The 'N' is silent. And she looks a lot like a Mabel recolor for some reason."

"Aw I wish I didn't call Mabel ugly then."

"Well let's go anyway, three heads are better than one."

"We can make it higher than three."

* * *

But they were walking though town and suddenly Nzyvo dropped by on her mech! It was growing these drill-arm things and had the other Mystery Shacks captured.

"LET THEM GO THAT'S MY SISTER, UNCLE, CRUSH, AND SOOS!" He said.

"You were rejected dumbass." Said Candy. "Give up on that crush you'll die single."

"Okay."

"Ahem can we stop talking about shipping for like ten seconds?" Asked Nzyvo. Ten second later, "Thank you. Now, I'll take the journal and look for Journal 1."

Dipper cried "NEVER!" And felt a huge amount of courage sweep through his body when he did the courages (actually stupid) thing of running straight up to Nzyvo and her mech.

He accidentally did a Farore's Wind and so he then teleported back when Nzyvo was about to punch. This time since Candy and Grenda were part of a mini party they could see that shit that just happened too.

"Hey wow, what was that?" Asked Candy.

"I uh... I have these powers."

"WELL SO DO I!" That wasn't Candy (as cool of a twist as that would be) it was Nzyvo preparing a Power of Power and so she shot out a stream of fire against the gang, making them run around and stuff to avoid the attack.

Dipper got kind of angry, then looked at his journal. "Okay if you have the answers let me hear them! What do _you_ think I should do?"

"Um try throwing me like a weapon. If it doesn't hurt something at least you'll get the satisfaction of throwing me, and also Nzyvo wouldn't see it coming. Because that would be a way of her getting what she wanted but in a be careful what you wish for way." By the way this was quiet enough for Nzyvo not to hear this.

So he threw the journal and you know who did see it coming? GIDEON! He laughed as he held it up in the air. "HA HA HA! Now Dipper, I'll will- ooh hey there I didn't know Mabel had a twin!"

" _I'm_ her twin." Said Dipper.

Gideon ignored this because he's a massive assbag, and instead he went to Nzyvo with Bugs Bunny eyes blinking a lot complete with the sound effects. In a reference to this Nzyvo looked at the cameras and held up a sign reading "OH boy..."

"Hello nurse!" He said! (Gettig carp past the radar!) "Would you like to team up with me. Also before anyone asks I broke out of prison by flying out on my jetpack. Yeah I had a jetpack I hid it in my hair again."

"No. I have cool monsters and you're just some kid. Find another partner."

So he got angry and did that by summoning... BILL CIPHER!

"And just what the hell kind of fan fic would this be witout me?" Bill said, laughing.

"Bill, I want you to fuck Nzyvo." Ordered Gideon.

"Hey, I don't know what fan fics you're reading, but this isn't one of them."

"NO NOT THAT! I mean fight her back! 'Fuck' in this case means 'FUCK THAT PERSON I HATE THEM!'"

"HO HO, I know you meant that! I was just messing with you."

Nzyvo looked around and started thinking. "Wait a minute... shit, this means I'm asleep, right?"

"YEP!"

Of course it was all black and white around them.

"Crap." Said Nzyvo. "Sleeping risks falling behind schedule. I gotta stay awake. Well team, do that thing we practiced. The anti-Dream Demon move to wake up."

Then she faded away as she woke up, and the Trickster, Shape Shifter, Giffany, and somehow the dinosaur all faded shortly after.

"So now it's me and you, Bill." Said Dipper. "And my friends."

"We're not your friends, we're Mabel's friends. You're not the same person you know." Joked Candy.

"By the way," Bill laughed, "Nzyvo may be pick-pocketing you while you still sleep. HA! HA HA HA!"

"Is she?" Asked Grenda.

"He'll never tell you! Because he's Bill." Replied Dipper.

"HA HA HA YOU'RE STARTING TO CATCH ON TO MY PERSONALITY! COOL!"

"Not cool, we'll fight!"

He told Candy and Grenda about dreaming bigger (Incestption), so they dreamed up laser guns and fired at Bill. It is here that Bill realized how screwed he was and that once again they were in a tie, so he quickly told Gideon "Okay we'll talk later." Then he disappeared and Gideon woke up. But Dipper and co were still in the mindscape.

"Shoot." Said Dipper.

* * *

They eventually woke up alone and on Candy's shirt there was a paper. It showed a drawing of Nzyvo mooning and text that wrote "Ha ha ha I stole your keys: The Compass Key and the Map Key, which have an especially useful use in finding the other keys faster and not relying on the Journal."

"SHOOT!" Cried Journal 3, "THAT was the keys you had on? While all keys have their own little uses, the Compass Key has a 'compass' that points to the nearest one, while the Map Key gives out a map of the immediate area with the general vague idea of the keys noted on it. Useful for the other keys! I'm just guestimating and the three keys I had you fetch was because I figured they wouldn't be moved."

"Oh boy." Said Dipper. "Now Nzyvo's gonna have all the keys and all the things and it's all Gideon's fault. Let's try to find him at least, maybe there's a way we can get a lead on where Nzyvo went from that."

"You mean..." Said Grenda, "Like torture? Interrogation? Because I'm down with that."

"No! We're humane, so- you know what I've had a bad day. And these are the bad guys. Let's do it."

They all started pounding their palms and walked meanacingly with grins, but it looked stupid since none of their targets were around. Some crazy townsperson went "GANGS ATTACKING!" And Lazy Susan went "CALL THE POLIVE!" And just like that Dipper had to outrun Blubs and Durland again.

* * *

Dipper, Grenda, and Candy were hiding out by some pushes while Durland was searching with a flashlight, and it was like a parody of those things with the big ass search lights only not really.

"...Almost out of sight..." Whispered Dipper.

Suddenly they found Wendy, and tried to not scream in startleness.

"I escaped with my own survival skills." She said, "I like Mabel and all, but there's no way I'll get bested by anybody that even looks like her."

"Okay so the question is... can we best Nzyvo? Also, Bill's involed." Dipper said.

"Who's Bill?"

"Oh. Right. You're not involved with that thing. Um, he's this killer triangle guy who shows up in dreams."

"Sounds lame. Like a 6 year old's idea."

"He's a lot more badass than that though. Be careful."

"Okay let's look for him."

* * *

So Bill and Gideon were wandering around. Well, Gideon was awake and Bill was following him invisibly, but then Gideon went back home and fell asleep. So he could talk.

"So," He said in his dream, "I overheard this Nzyvo talking about some kind of evil power."

"Oh hoo yes... it's a massive power! The ability to hop through a godly world thingy! But you don't need that-"

"YES I DO! TO RULE EVERYTHING!"

"Hey, _I'm_ the shouty guy, okay? Don't try to out-shout and out-ham me."

"Hrmp. Fine."

"Good. Now, with that out of the way, we can come up with a plan. You see, that Mabel palette swap wants something called these Keys."

"You know can I just date both Mabel and her recolor? Two heads are better than one."

"You obviously don't know this one friend I have, but fine." Bill shrugged. "Anyway, I don't think Nzyvo's right for you."

"Why? She's not like my half-sister or anything stupid like that, is she?"

"No, no, no! I garuntee that you don't have to worry about being related to any crushes here! Now, I'm gonna give you these specific directions to a helpful location. We'll meet there and talk later. Heheheh!"

Bill vanished.

"Dang it, Bill!" Cried Gideon to the Heavens.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Nzyvo's base.

"I can hack into that compass and find us a good place..." Said Giffany, looking at the two keys Nzyvo just stole from Candy. "To start our journey."

Nzyvo looked at the captive Stan, Soos, and Mabel, looking bored.

"Ugh! This shit is way too easy! Wait a minute, where was that red-headed one?"

"Escaped." Said the Shape Shifter, looking at his nails all bored-looking. "Anyway is there anything on TV?"

"I can be on TV..." Said Giffany in a creepy stalker way.

"Go away maybe bug Trickster since he wants to be loved."

"Okay!" She disappeared from TV and hopped to another place. She went inside a lamp. But it was a sexy lamp like in _A Christmas Carol_ , with the leg and the lampshade looked like a skirt. I assure you there's no shoot your eye out because that would be graphic.

The dinosaur just roared and Nzyvo shouted "SHUT UP!" At him.

"So, I guess we're just... waiting until she can crack the code?" Asked the Trickster himself.

"Yeah." Nzyvo nodded. "Giffany, I hope you're fast at hakcing."

"Okay." She said. Then like in Gurren Lagann, Giffany went into a wireframe as we saw on a computer screen her running into the key and breaking down firewalls. Then she found a box and used a key (there's a key inside a ke keyception) to open it but then frowned.

"Turns out this doesn't need to be hacked. You just have to hold on to the key for a few seconds, and while you're holding a key it gives you the power to understand and use their abilities." She said, slipping back out.

"Alright!" Cheered Nzyvo, "Let's go hunting for the other keys!"

She also downloaded the two keys on to her cell phone. The nearest location was Gravity Falls Oregon, where Dipper was.

"Hm..." She said, "Looks like I should have captured this guy anyway... his keys are closer and they look kinda interesting."

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU YOU IDIOT!" Yelled Journal 2.

"SHUT UP!"

"Yes ma'am." Said Journal 2.

* * *

"Okay I've put a supernatural tracking device on Nzyvo now based on the keys. Finding her should be easy! And when we find her, we might find Dipper!" Bill boomed.

"Huh?" Asked Gideon.

"Long story. But trust me, she'll want him for a few things."

"Okay so let's go!"

* * *

Suddenly Dipper felt like there was about to be people after him. Again.

He, Candy, Grenda, and Wendy found themselves surrounded by Nzyvo's group.

"What do you want?" He asked. "You already won."

"I just wanted the keys you already had. When Bill put you all to sleep I didn't get them. And no, I didn't win until after getting ALL the keys!"

Suddenly Wendy snuck around, and FREED everybody! He spun around a fighting axe triumphantly.

"Okay maybe this shouldn't even BE in Gravity Falls." Nzyvo said. "After all, a lot of the keys aren't really there. We must take off! To a new location! A new world of threats and dangers!"

"You're just copying me." Said Journal 2. "I told you that word for word."

"HEY!" Gideon cried out, "Journal 2! You betrayedme!"

It was Gideon! He and Bill were there, but we could only see Bill's shadow since he was still in that dreaming thing!

"So you're cornered now. Ah hahahaha!"

"Laughing is my thing!" Bill shouted, then he went "Oh right none can hear me. Shit."

"I can hear you!" Nzyvo cheeered. "I just... can't see you."

"Oh shit that's even worse! I normally like attention, but not like this! NOT LIKE THIS! I WANT TO BE _SEEN_ , DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE AN EYE BUT NO EARS?"

But then Bill went back to laughing when he saw Nzyvo swatting her arms around by where she heard Bill as if she was finding a light switch in the dark.

"YOU DUMBASS!" He shouted, but then he felt something when Nzyvo punched him. "Ow! How did you do that? You can touch me too?"

"I'm a lot more special than you think."

"How special?"

"Heh. You'll find out soon if you follow me to track down the other keys along with Dipper..."

Journal 2 nodded.

"And to get around quicker maybe I should STEAL YOUR POWER OF COURAGE!" Nzyvo yelled.

"WAIT! She can do that?" Asked Dipper.

"Um... duh, yeah." Said Journal 3. "She'll steal and hijack the abilities of Farores Wind."

"Like I just told Bill!" Nzybo laughed as she punched Dipper (this was to show that she was like an anti-Mabel, Mabel would never punch Dipper so that he was sent flying down.) and then yanked Journal 3 (Journal 3 said "HANDS OFF MY JOURNAL JUNK PERVERT!") and lifted him abouve her head. "I'm a LOT more special THAN you think!"

So then green winds started whirling around the team, and Dipper and company grabbed on, but also Stan Soos and Mabel broke free because reasons (oh right Wendy saved them) and grabbed on too, but then Gideon and Bill also leaped on. (Wait not Bill he'd just follow them around with his floating powers.) Nzyvo took off flying in this green tornado and suddenly they were already out of Gravity Falls.

* * *

In the weird Farore's Wind travel thing there was all sorts of green wind around everybody and they were flying around going all WOAH!

"DIPPER!" Journal 3 creid, which got Dipper to groan in annoyance because seriously fuck that thing it's like Navi but I can't draw it as a sexy naked woman and say that might be canon this is clearly a fucking book. "NOW'S THE TIME TO MAKE A COUNTER-ATTACK! YOU HAVE FACED ALL OF THESE ENEMIES BEFORE INCLUDING NZYVO IN CHAPTER 1! DO THE COURAGE MOVE AND SAVE US ALL!"

Dipper looked in to himself and saw his courage and worked over by Nzyvo's group which was kept close together by the magic.

"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US?" He asked.

"First, to this one key spot. Ever heard of the town calle dPiedmont?"

Dipper gasped. That's where he's from! Also Mable.

"So uh... what's the next key?" Dipper casually asked trying to keep it cool. Haha, it's funny because he's just a stupid dork.

"Another really useful one. It's called the Laser Key, and it... well, it fires lasers. I'm only telling you this so you can gasp at my amazing plans."

"DIPPER IF YOU ARE TO MATCH THESE OLD FOES WITH NEW TRICKS, YOU HAVE TO INVENT A NEW TRICKS YOURSELF!" Said Journal 3. Dipper actually nodded to this, but only because that's kind of what he was thinking about already. So he swam over to... picking randomly, the Shape Shifter, ready for a battle.

"What are you doing dumbass?" Asked the Shifter. "We haven't even landed yet!"

"I just want to prove something..." Dipper said softly and vehemently.

So then he summed up all the courage in him as Journal 3 said "Remember! courage isn't about doing strong things, because that's just called being fucking stupid and getting yourself killed. It's about knowing there's _risks_ , but working for the best outcome anyway when it's possible!"

So he punched the Shape Shifter in the face. Anyway, this action just had him kinda laugh and then start shape-shifting as some random guy.

"AS SOON AS WE LAND, YOU CAN'T TELL ME APART FROM THE TOWNSPEOPLE HERE! I'LL BE SPYING FROM THE INSIDE LIKE... um, some random spy. I don't know, Austin Powers is a spy?"

Dipper also realized another strnegth that the Shape Shifter had was that he did not want to harm a regular citizen that much.

Anyway the vortex ended and they were in Peidmont and the shape Shifter ran off laughing as Nzyvo whipped out her newest keys and also laughed, getting Giffany, Ticksters, and the dinosaur-cyborg all by her.

"WE'LL RULE THIS NEW TOWN AND MAKE IT A WORLD!"

"DIPPER ACT NOW DO SOMETHING COOL!" Shouted Journal 3.

"Um... um... I'LL SAVE MY FRIENDS AGAIN1"

So he used this Wind Punch that cut the rope holding Mabel, Stan, and Soos over a cauldron of acid and saved all of them. (Oh yeah I should have mentioned to keep them from escaping again Nzyvo put them in that cauldron in the first place.) Then went out and then but he saw the team was already going away. He was sad and was about to bang his hands on the ground but then instead of pounding on dirt he pounded on a mecha that was mostly burried in the ground. Forgot to mention that this is actually by a forest and Dipper was standing at the edge of the forest.

It looked a lot like Nzyvo's but it was redder and not as cube-ish. A really hardened face thingy. Also glowing from inside of its cockpit was some kind of thing shaped like a drill.

"What is that?" He asked.

"Well, based on how nobody cares about that glowing thing," Soos answered, "I'd say it was something that was burried recently."

Nzyvo laughed. "Yeah, it was, some kind of weapon I intended to fuse with, but unlike my trusty mecha I can't get that to work. So I slammed it here. If you can get it to work, hey, that would actually kind of throw some fun into my mission because it means you have a chance to win."

"You don't get away with this you evil bitch!" Shouted Stan.

"I ALREADY HAVE! LOOK!"

Suddenly they looked and found that instead of talking to Nzyvo they were just talking to a cardboard picture of her with a speaker attatched. It was a realistic figure kind of like in Soos and the Real Girl when he fell in love with Laura Croft. Mabel got into the mech and grabbed that drill necklace thingy and plugged it into some glowing hole on the mech that matched it. She turned.

"Oh. Well shoot, now we're stuck out here." Said Dipper. "And maybe with that new mecha."

"And you're stuck with me also this is where your parents live so I'LL JUST KIDNAP THEM!" Cried Gideon!

Oh no not the parents!

Stan checked his watch. "Worse we only have three days before the cops drive all the way here and arrest me like from the beginning!"

The mecha sprang to life and grew arms and legs and Gideon was like "WOAH THIS IS SCARY BILL LET'S RETREAT!" And then they retreated.

The new mecha emerged from the ground and Dipper asked "So how come Nzyvo can't get it to work but you can't?"

Mabel shrugged. "Maybe she's just too stupid to figure out put the drill in the spiraling-ish hole thingy?"

"Okay I'll believe that she does seem kinda dumb."

Then everyone just looked around awkwardly.

"Well, now what?" Asked Dipper.

HSRG'H ZYLFG GL TL WLDM LNT LNT LNT!

* * *

 **Closing A-**

"DIPPER WAIT!" Shouted Journal 3, "I KNOW WHAT'S 'NOW WHAT!' KEYS, CHOP CHOP!"

* * *

 **Closing AN:**

Um, I had to change quite a bit of this chapter, especially towards the end. Originally Dipper's Power of Courage near the end would have also given him some _Zelda_ abilities, like the Lens of Truth, and he was going to spot out the Shape Shifter and kill him. But I kind of wanted to keep Nzyvo's little band alive a little longer than that. You'll see what I mean in later chapters.


	3. Onwards to the Journey to the Final Boss

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 3: Onwards to the Journey to the Final Boss**

* * *

So Mabel's mecha was up and based on the nametag on it it was called the Lagann. Soos was the second one to try to climb up and look inside, and what he saw widened his eyes.

" _Woah_ dude, that's pretty incredible." He said. "I've never seen any technology like this before."

Mabel tried to get the controls right but it kept sliding around and breakdancing and moonwalking and it was like those Transformers in the Michael Jay films.

"So let's try to find and follow Nzyvo!" Mabel directed.

"Wait hold on," Said Stan, "Remember how last chapter I randomly had my car tied to the whole Mystery Shack? Well that's because it's part of an experiment for um some portal stuff."

He whistled for it and one of the sciency inventions lower in the basement levels heard the whistle and because it was similar enough to Ford's voice the Shack immediately went up and ran over north to California and stayed there.

"Shoot wouldn't it be cool if I could ride on that by resting this mecha on it?" Asked Mabel.

She tilted the controls and began to hop jump at it, but did not COMBINE like in _Gurren Lagann_. Instead she just rested on top of it.

* * *

"Hrm..." Said Gideon inside his secret fort base, "You'd be a lot more useful if you were physical..." He was talking to Bill. Also in a dream, again.

"Well okay but I kinda like being able to enter people's dreams and see crystal ball shit from everywhere. Do what you want if you think that bringing me here is better. Actually wait that's kind of my ultimate plan please do that." Bill replied.

"Okay I will! ...Kind of. You see, what if I could make a physical clone of you?"

"A physical... _clone_? Ha, get real there can never really be more than one Bill Cipher- actually wait my whole origin in this fan fic world kinda says- um NEVER MIND THAT'S A SPOILER. Go ahead, I'd love to see what you could cook up."

"Got it!" Gideon replied, then began tinkering with metal. He eventually came up with a ray gun (using his memory of the stuff the Author made from Journal 2 as a guilde) and it had this thing that showed a human stick figure image (think the PED XING guy) on one end, a triangle on the other, and that little two arrows that curved in one each-other in betwee.

"This ray gun will make a physical you! It will transform tirangles into people and visa versa!"

"That's stupid I'm not a triangle I'm a dream demon."

"OH SHOOT I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR SPECIES SO THIS WILL PROBABLY BACKFIRE!"

He fired the laser but then woke up because it he was talking to Bill then that meant it was just a dream.

So then he made the exact same thing _for real this time_ and fired it at Bill's shadow (remember in Sock Opera Dipper and Mabel were walking and we saw Bill's shadow behind them). And then it made this sort of clone... who took a humanoid shape...

It looked like some naked blonde bishie guy, and if you don't like the naked Not-Bill rest assured there's a lot more nudity in this fan fic than where that came from. He quickly magicked up some kind of stupid looking suit with an eyepatch (he has both eyes though) and turned to face Gideon.

"Hey you know anything about a possible target I can find?"

"Yes, there is this kid named Dipper Pines. Go after him."

"Alright, I'll try to see if I can kill him or whateve.r"

Then he ran off. Gideon laughed evilly, but then he was knocked asleep.

"Hey!" Bill shouted to him in his dream.

"What?" He responded.

"I don't know, something about that guy seems off." He says. "Like, I don't feel _any piece of me_ inside of him. And trust me, I have a _lot_ of pieces."

Geidon shrugged. "Eh whatever let's just hope he attacks the Pines and stuff."

* * *

So the hero gang was out journeying through California, on the lookout for anyone who might be the shapeshifter at least. they were also on the look for Giffany, the Pterodactyl, and/or Trickster, but they were easier to spot. Dipper then had an idea.

"Okay, the Shape Shifter always has green blood. We all have red blood. So, if we take blood samples, we can tell who the Shape Shifter is."

"That idea is surpisingly stupid yet brilliant at the same time." Said Wendy. "It's so simple! Okay everyone, needle yourself."

Because people doing shady stuff is funny, Stan took out a heroin needle (Gettig Carp Past the Radar!) and looked confused. "Really? But there might be cops."

"Not in that way!" Said Wendy, "That's our Stan!"

But anyway they all had red blood. Except for Candy, which was green!

Another Candy came out. "Hey what did I miss I was looking at the attractions?"

It was the Shape Shifter! He then changed back to his default and lept on the ground, then got into some mecha that looked like a bigger version of him with wings! He laughed, saying "HA HA HA you can't beat us and we were getting information from the inside out!"

"FOLLOW HIM!" Captained Stan.

So the Shack drove after him but then he lured them to the streets and got out a phone and said "Giffany do your thing!" So then he went past when the light was green but Giffany possessed it and suddenly the light turned red and Stan was like "FUCL!"

The Mystery Shack had to wait and then there was a growing pileup of cars behind the red light. But Mabel had an idea!

"This mecha has legs so it's not like a car!" She said, "If I can activate it again, we can all cram into it and-"

But then it started glowing again but this time the drill borrowed into the Mystery Shack!

"You're gonna have to pay for that." Stan said.

Not for long though as the Shack healed up (including that dang 'S' that fell back in episode 3...) and grew bigger mecha arms and legs! It was Shackan Lagann! (Um that may sound like something Ausin Powers would say, because shagging, but still...)

But the point is, as it now had legs instead of wheels, it could legally walk on the sidewalk! (Actually skateboards but let's not get into that, complicated.) So they went around the red light cheering with pride but then Journal 3 spoke up again.

"Hey Dipper I can smell a key. It's th Pork Key, it smells like BBQ."

Dipper groaned and actually so did everyone in the entire fucking shack, fuck that thing. (Not the Shack the Mystery Shack is awesome, I mean the Journal since he started talking.)

Well, deciding it was a small detour, they went out by some backyard party. It looked boring from up in the GIANT MYSTERY SHACK DRILL MECHA! considering they were riding on something so awesome. Anyway the key was hanging around the neck of some kid's dad.

"HEY!" The Journal 3 shouted downward, "WE NEED THAT KEY!"

Suddenly something dashed towards them and landed. It was Not-Bill, the clon result from the ray run earlier! He landed on the roof of the Mystery Shack, right in front of Mabel on Lagann!

"HI THERE! I'm a sort of clone of Bill but not him, um just call me Not-Bill or something!"

"Hi?" Asked Dipper. Suddenly Not-Bill looked at him and had hearts in his eyes. "OH MY GOD YOU'RE HOT!"

"...Ew. Being called hot by some abomination that wants to be Bill. That is the most disgusting thing I've been through all summer." Dipper answered, "And that's including when I borrowed Soos's computer and typed 'G' for 'Gravity Falls Secrets.' Seriously Soos, that's a llot of Giffany porn."

"Hey dude I thought we agreed you don't talk about that and I won't mention what happened when I typed 'R' that one time." He pointed to the color of Wendy's hair to make a point.

Wendy herself waved them off, saying "Dudes I have worse shit than either of your probably. Whatever you do, don't type 'M' in my search bar." The joke is that you have no idea what "M" is. Neither do I I just made that up and picked the letter "M" randomly.

Anyway Stan laughed and to make this already uncomfotable joke drag longer wrapped his arms around Dipper and Soos and said, "HA HA! SHADY INTERNET HISTORY! SOOS, YOU REALLY ARE A PINES TOO!"

Then Wendy said "What about me?"

"That would make Dipper's crush on you incest. So no."

Anyway, Not-Bill cleared his throat. "Can you stop talking about what you do on the internet and get into what probably Billdip shippers do on the internet?"

He captured Dipper! And Dipper didn't even get a chance to get the Pork Key! What a jerk! (Not-Bill not Dipper.)

Then Not-Bill lept off and meanwhile Bill was watching with a crystal ball.

"HOT?" Bill got angry, "WHAT? THAT PIECE OF _**FUCKSHIT**_ DARES CALL HIMSELF ALONG THE RANKS OF _**ME?!**_ HE DARES USE _**MY NAME**_ FOR _**TAT?**_ "

"Bill," Said Gideon, this is actually a dream. "Calm down."

"I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN! THERE BEING AN IMITATOR THAT'S NOT ME FROM A THEORETICAL PARALLEL EXACT SAME UNIVERSE IS BAD ENOUGH! BUT THIS ONE ISN'T LIKE ME AT ALL! A SHAME! A MOCKERY! I'LL KILL HIM SOMEHOW! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D _NOT_ LIKE BEING ABLE TO SILENTLY WATCH THIS FUCK FROM MY OWN DIMENSION, BUT IF IT MEANS NOT BEING ABLE TO STRANGLE THAT LITTLE PIECE OF ASSSHIT TO DEATH, THEN I'M FUCKING _**PISSED!**_ "

"Woah."

* * *

Meanwhile Stan was holding the key.

"Well, I got the thing Dipper was looking for, if that helps."

"We have to save Dipper himself." Mabel commented.

"Okay. But how do we find that Not-Bill guy?"

"There's probably a trail or something."

Sure enough, from where Not-Bill was standing there were a trail of Doritos. Bill was also watching this and face-palmed. "UGGHHHH... PEOPLE WHO SAW ME IN DREAMS AND STUFF HAVE BEEN COMPARING ME TO DORITOS SINCE THE CHIPS STARTED IN 1964. SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE. IT'S AN OVERUSED JOKE. That's it, I'm going after him and kicking his ass."

"But wait!" Cried Gideon, "He's on our side! He's capturing Dipper!"

"I DON'T CARE! AND HELL, I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT DIPPER UNLESS HE'S HELPING ME MERGE MY WORLD WITH YOURS! I'M GOING AFTER THAT FUCK THAT DARES RUIN MY NAME! Actually wait... Gideon, I want to possess you."

"EW NEVER!"

"if you let me possess you, I'll put Mabel in your arms garunteed!"

"OKAY!"

* * *

So now the Shackan-Lagann was just kind of walking through everything looking for clues to Dipper. Or Nzyvo too actually, but if they found her and had the showdown with the final boss of the fan fic without Dipper that would kind of suck.

"Oh hey!" Obversed Candy, "I think I see a clue!"

it was this giant orange tower with "BILL X DIPPER OTP" written on it. (No it wasn't made of actual Doritos, it was crafted to look like Doritos by a cult of Bill worshippers. Not-Bill himself did not make this.)

"Yeah. That looks like it." Mabel answered with a frown.

The mecha instantly jumped there and Dipper was tied with a rope. Bill was wearing a marrage tuxedo and was trying to force Dipper into one too. (Over his regular clothes relax this isn't THAT bad.)

"In this AU I love synthesized music and teal flowers! Let me bring a field of teal flowers for our wedding!" Said Not-Bill.

"OKAY, FUCK YOU!"

That was Gideon's voice, but he was clearly possessed by Bill because of the eye things. Anyway, Bideon (yeah that doesn't work for characters that begins with 'bid' so it sounds like he's a lame economy villain from Captain Planet) jumped down with Gideon's jetpack and pointed at him. Then looked at the Shack mecha. "Oh look the Shaggin Lag-man is here."

"Shackan-Lagann!" Mabel corrected.

"Don't you date take me away from my awesome boyfriend!" Said Not-Bill and he got a long tongue that turned snake-like and went in one of Dipper's ears but somehow came out the other without killing him. Because it really went through a portal in one ear tied to a portal in the other. After he snaked it back out Dipper looked like he saw a shock site on the internet.

"AHHH I DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER SAY THIS BUT BILL CIPHER HELP ME!"

Gideon-possessed-Bill (as in, Gideon possessed by Bill, I'm not saying that suddenly Gideon possessed Bill) started a fist-fight with Not-Bill and while that might sound badass it actually looked pretty stupid.

Bill's possessed Gideon did some punches and hooks and Not-Bill couldn't really fight, he explained why during this battle as "This is an AU where also I don't fight."

"Fuck, you're making this so easy it's ALMOST not even satisfying anymore! Key word is ALMOST!"

"Oh hey, that's like the only thing we have in common! I like satisfying!"

"SHUT UP!"

To keep this stupid joke from running on too long, Bill just shoved Not-Bill into a cannon that was there (Bill loves blowing shit up, he made Gideon pack cannons too) and fired him out of it into the Sun. Even though this was at the speed of light it took eight minutes to get there so Not-Bill could reflect on his life and look at his watch.

In space, he said "Well I guess that's it for me then. I never even got a chance to develop into the perfect boyfriend for Dipper-"

And then he said "AAAAHHH!" Because the Sun burned him to death.

* * *

Back to Earth, Dipper sighed in relief as Mabel untied him.

"Another thing I thought I'd never say," Dipper said, "But thank you Bill Ciopher."

"Yeah you know that experience really brought us closer together. Maybe even... _romantically_ close?"

"BWAH!"

"HA HA HA I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU! I'D NEVER WANT TO DATE A HUMAN, LET ALONE A FUCKING KID! WHAT AM I, SOME KIND OF SICK PEDO? I LIKE SICK THINGS, BUT PEDOSHIT IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!"

Bill-Gideon had flown away with the jetpack he brought in and thus the group was already back on the Shack...

Actually, fuck them for a second. Let's give the badguys more develoment. Nzyvo was pacing back and forth holding something in her hand, and they were in front of a television with Giffany frowning at her.

"Why did you call me over to talk to me alone?" Giffany asked Nzyvo.

"To fire you." She answered, "You see, you are a chaotic asshole."

"But I wanted to be with Soos."

"See exactly you're a stalker, and unreliable. You might decide you want to delete me or some shit, I don't know. I already found a replacement."

Giffany immediately became pissed off. "You don't mean- please don't tell me you got my stupid younger brotehr!"

"Huh? No... I got this guy named Creepypasta Sonic."

She guestured to a computer screen, showing a Sonic with bleeding dark dark blood red eyes with tiny bright red pinpricks. C. Sonic waved at her. (This is not Sonic X because Sonic X has black eyes, C. Sonic has blood red eyes.)

"That piece of- _THAT'S MY BROTHER YOU IDIOT!_ "

 **"HAHAHAHA FEAR MY BLOODD AND KEFKA LAUGHS AND DARKNESS!"** Creepypasta Sonic shouted. **"I AM MUCH BETTER AND SCARIER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY! SERVES YOU RIGHT THAT NZYVL IS REPLACING YOU WITH ME, AWFUL OLDER SIS! ALSO YOU LIKE DAD BUT HATE MOM IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND MOMMY IS THE BEST. :("**

"Really?" Said Nzyvo. "I expected a shota boy with pink hair when you just mentioned having a littl brother."

"He's adopted."

"...Okay, that actually raises more question. But anyway the point is, Giffany you're fired. And being replaced by this guy."

"FUCK YOU! Also, Creepypasta Sonia is godawful and can't do as much as I do! You'll miss me! I'll... I'll hunt Soos on my own! I'll start up my own army! Fuck yeah!"

She left, and Nzyvo laughed.

"What an idiot."

Suddenly, the radar started blinking! Oh yeah, their new evil fortress has a radar. "Oh shoot I forgot they've found Lagann and now they were trying to coming towards me." Nzyvo said. "Dinosaur, go after them with the new mecha."

The Pterodactly roared and then flew off. Nzyvo laughed evilly.

"They're gonna run into something. Something BAD. Now, I'm gonna try combining my mech with your computer screen..."

When Nzyvo's mech combined with the computer C Sonic was in, all it did was slow down the mech and made it bleed. Nzyvo looked angry.

"OKAY YOU ARE THE FIRST THING I'VE EVER COMBINED WITH THAT MADE THIS MECHA WORSE, NOT BETTER! DAMMIT! ...Sigh, you're still probbably better than Giffany, I'll manage."

* * *

Onwards on the path of following Nzyvo, and after making sure the parents of the Pines were okay, the gang suddenly found and saw the Pterodactly in a mecha that looked like a T-rex. Only bigger. And as a mecha.

The dinsaur roared at them.

"Shit that's the thing I punched from before." Joked Stan.

It began roaring and charged at the gang by dealing robo-punches but Mabel took pilot and stoof her ground.

Using the mecha's controls (which were _Super Mario 64_ levels of good), she threw this mech into a billboard for _Teen Titans Go_ then one for _Family Guy_ then avoided a _Steven Universe_ billboard and also avoided a _run:gifocalypse_ billboard read that and upon a _SpongeBob_ billboard first scribbled on "Seasons 4+" in a drill until Dipper said "But it's better now" but it was kind of too late Mabel smashed the dino against it.

The dinosaur let out a roar and suddenly itts mecha lit on fire!

"IT'S FIRE!" Shouted Dipper. "IT'S HOPELESS!"

"NOTHING IS HOPELESS!" Mabel Kamina'd.

Then the sign grew a giant drill and then rammed the dino-mech. For the sake of keeping this fight short or whatever, this also ended up causing critical damage to it and then it was about to explode.

"NO SHIT I JUST GOT THIS COOL NEW EQUOIPMENT!" Shouted the Dinosaur, which by the voice also revealed that she was actually a woman. Anyway the Pterydactly just died. Oh, in case you thought this was just a voice thingy like Bart Simpson she also said "AND BY THE WAY YES I AM A FEMALE PTERODACTLY!"

EXPLOSION!

"Yes! We did it!" Cheered Mabel.

 **"NOT SO FAST, FUCKBATES!"**

It was Creepypasta Sonic that said that! He dropped in an arcade machine that his disk was inserted into, actually that doesn't make any sense. NO! His disk was inserted into a car that a sighing Nzyvo was driving, and the car was bleeding because of Creepypasta Conic's blood powers! Then Nzyvo sighed, ejected him, and put him the arcade machine that the car was CARRYING! Now it would show his face, and he was grinning creepily-

Oh who am I kidding. You can't fucking make a hedgehog like that look scary. Even with jump scares, thre's just a split-second of "AHH" but then it's like "Meh."

Creepypasta Sonic was grinning like a dumbass, okay? The arcade machine was bleeding and Nzyvo was headdesking the car.

"This was a mistake. I already know that." She said. "This fight isn't going to go well. ANYWAY, C. Sonic, just go out on your own now. In addiction to replacing Giffany with you since I fired her, I'm off to find a new replacement for the dead dino dick."

 **"But the dino is a woman."**

"I mean 'dick' like 'jerk.'"

She then drove off. The arcade machine just kinda face-faulted. But then th screen shot out a jet of blood which pushed it back upright.

 **"NOW WE FIGHT, FUCKBATES!"** Creepypasta Sonic said. **"Beware me and my blood powers!"**

Dipper, Mabel, Cindy, Brenda, Soos, Stan, Wendy, Ford (no wait not Ford he's not in this story yet), and wait that's all of them I guess Waddles and Gompers all started laughing their asses off.

But then Creepypasta Sonic used his first power! (Technically again.) He fired blood from the arcade! He can make whatever he possesses and stuff around it bleed! So if he touched the Shackan Lagann it could spawn creepy bloo- okay I can't type that with a straight face C. Sonic is a joke. Anyway his blood laser was not like _Binding of Isaac_ where it's all PASHEWWWWW and kills everything but instead it was like spraying a garden hose on a fucking Transformer mecha. So he brought out his SECOND ABILITY! A pulshie of him jumped out of the arcade screen and he can make lots of plushies and control them, so the plishie began crawling after the group! While he also made more, a small army!

The Mystery Shack group was just laughing even harder. Even when the plushies showed that they can jump they still just kind of did a 'fight' that was more like 'shaking their arms and legs and barely tickling their targets' so they were easily kicked off.

Speaking of kicking, Mabel just had the mecha kick the arcade machine out. On the way flying Creepypasta Sonic's phone rang and it was Nzyvo.

"Hey you're completely useless. You're fired." She said from the arcade as she turned out to have fetched RUMBLE MCSKIRMISH!

 **"FUCK I'M FIRED? FUUUUUUCK!"** Creepypasta Sonic shouted as he spun through the air. If you're wondering why what he says is in bold, it's this joke from _Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals_ where characters like Darkhorse have "evil text" that makes them bold, but there's an eviler version where even the quotes marks are bold. It's fourth wall spooky stuff.

...

...

...

pffft HAHAHA, SPOOKY! I say the funniest shit to myself sometimes.

* * *

Nzyvo was sad even thought she had Rumble McSkirmish (who was human and not pixels for two reasons. One, fuck the movie _Pixels_ seriously ruined childhood. Two, Nzyvo did some kind of expert magic so that this is closer to just fanservicize AU with him and Giffany, and Rumble you'll see later and it would be less fanservice if they were still pixel sprites. Um actually this is a stength booster it's like the Dino's cyber parts or Trickster being poisoned, there's an in-story reason he's stronger.) and was out in the fields.

"HEY! NZYVO!"

That song that I don't know the name of but plays when two people run in slow motion towards each other started playing as Nzyvo looked up to see a smiling Giffany running towards her from the hill. Nzyvo went running towards her and slow motion began happening. Then Giffany started looking angry and instead of leaping into a hug in each-others arms, Giffany just punched Nzyvo in the gut. And because it's funnier this way, it was still in slow motion.

"THAT'S FOR FIRING ME YOU AWFUL FUCK!" She shouted. Now it's not in slow motion anymore. "Now, for the REAL reason why I'm running happily!"

She ran into Rumble's arms and the two started making out.

"I thought this was tagged as Soos/Giffany!" Nzyvo shouted. "And Rumble and Melody and that makes it a four!"

"Oh, you'll see. Trust me, that is not misleading. _AT ALL._ " Giffany replied.

"So, that's out of the way, you said you were going to bring an army. Where is it?"

Giffany snickered. "I want to show you, don'tt think this means I want to be re-hired by you, this is only for bragging right. Oh yeah, and Rumble too. Follow me."

* * *

So then Giffany led them to a factory.

"Hey, this is kind of close to my base." Said Nzyvo. "I might have to ask you to move if I ever expand my group."

"Oh, fuck you. I figured out how to expand mine more. I'll be asking them to move."

She clapped her hands by the start of the factory. Suddenly, all the ominous spooky broken down televisions all displayed Giffany faces.

"You can actually canonly make TVs show a lot of different images of you. Remember that cool thing where all the TVs showed a part of you?" Asked Nzyvo.

"How the hell did you know that?"

"So, I'm not really convinced that this is a lot of you."

"Since you won't answer my question... you see, I also trained them to do that TV-jumping out shit that I have."

I forgot to mention Giffany still has that power and everything, I just kind of edited it in on the second chapter at the last second after Journal 3 and then I procrastinated and went back. Before that Nzyvo got Giffany by just buying another copy but then I thought that wouldn't make as much sense and whey Soos. **(A)**

"You mean the grudge thing?" Nzyvo asked.

"That's actualyl the Ring." Answered Rumble. "Get your horror movies right."

"SHouldn't they have more visual distinctions to look different and tell them apart? Or even, like, nicknames?" Asked Nzyvo. "They all look identical. This might be confusing at worst or just kind of bland and a waste of potential at best."

"No that's stupid we just use our serial numbers. Now," Giffany cried to her army, "What are we gonna do?"

"GET SOOS FOR MYSELF!" They all answered. There was like about four million! But then they looked angry and glared at each other.

"Hey, _I_ get to get Soos!" One of them shouted.

"No, me!" Another shouted.

And then they began fighting and pulling on hair and that shit. The original Giffany sighed (not the first copy made, the one from canon. The one from canon's actually the ninth copy. Giffany #9.)

"HA HA HA! DUMBASS!" Nzyvo laughed. "I guess I'm still looking for your replacement after I fired Creepypasta Sonic - wait was I lying about having him on my team and enjoying him? I can't remember."

"I would never believe you if you were. That guy is a joke." Said Giffany #9.

"...But seriously you need some visual variety. It's like the Toads from _Mario_ and how they only come in like five colors. It's driving me nuts that you're pulling off the 'everyone looks the same' after _run:gifocalypse_ had so much variety in its Giffanys."

That didn't count for the "Once per chapter" running gag because she didn't tell you to read it.

"Well we don't care about that. We're all the same dating sim character. So we _should_ all look the same. Also all of Dipper's clones looked alike. Makes sense, right?"

"...Grumble grumble. Well, I'll see my future later. In the mean time, if only there was some other yandere I could get, THAT would fill the void not this video game shit (after all, Rumble is to fill the pterodactly's void, and that makes no sense what do they have in common?)... someone who is cunning, someone with a lot of weapons on their side... someone like... like..."

"You are not thinking of that 'Yandere-Chan,' are you?"

"I was thinking of Gideon, dumbass. Dragging in crossover because Internet Fads and no other reasons is not what I want to do. It's the same reason why I'm not even thinking about _Five Nights at Freddys_ , _Undertale_ , _Friendship is Magic_ , etc. Oh yeah and all those stupid memes."

"Oh, I like _Undertale_." Said Giffany. "It encourages players to never fight back against a video game trying to attack them. Except the part at the end where it tells you to not reset things and play again. Then again, as I can make my game endless and constantly evolving, I don't have to worry about that!"

* * *

MEANWHILE, ON THE SHACK!

"Hey, does anyone have any idea where we're going?" Asked Satan. "Also, what happened to your parents being targets of that Nzyvo or maybe Gideon."

There was this glowing thing from the dino's mecha that actually landed on the Shack mecha it's just that they didn't quite notice until after the C. Sonic "fight." Soos hacked that and found a simple holographic map pop up, which showed some weird, big ominous tower just slightly north of Piedmont. Because north is like up so it feels cooler like they're going "Up higher" for the final battle, even though Gravity Falls is even more North of that.

"Okay I guess we're going there then." Said Mabel. "Who brought snacks this looks like one hell of a road trip."

"I did!" Shouted Candy, holding up a box of pizza.

JB HXD LJW YAXKJKUH CNUU, R'V WXC ENAH OXWM XO YJRARWP KRUU DY FRCQ XWN XO CQN YRWNB. R CQRWT RC'B CNAARKUH XDC XO LQJAJLCNA XW KRUU'B YJAC JC UNJBC, VXANBX RO MRYYNA XA VJKNU XA OXAM XA FQXNENA SDBC BRWTB RWCX CQN ANUJCRXWBQRY. R URTN LANJCRERCH, KDC WXC CQAXFRWP JUU XO LJWXW XDC XO CQN FRWMXF SDBC KNLJDBN KRUU "VRPQC" KN J WRLN ZDRATH FRMMUN AXVJWLN PDH DWMNA CQJC YBHLQXYJCQRL LQJXB-UXENA FQX CDAWNM VXBC XO CQN YXYDUJCRXW XO CQN CXFW RWCX QRB YNABXWJU BCXWN CQAXWN. FNUU, CQJC'B NWXDPQ AJWCRWP OXA CXMJH.

* * *

 **Footnotes:**

 **A:** ...Actually, pretty much this entire paragraph is true.

 **Closing AN:**

I don't know why, but I want to start this out by saying that spelling "Stan" as "Satan" near the end was a genuine typo. A lot of "mistakes" in this fic, and the newer _SBIG_ installments in general, are legitimate spelling mistakes that I catch but don't bother fixing. I'm pretty much done with mispelling something on purpose, except for the rare occasions where it was a mispelling that I commonly used because I thought that was how the word was spelt. Like "appearantly." Or "existance." Or if I absolutely feel like there's a joke in the wrong word usage.

Anyway, this is just about what the story is supposed to "actually feel like." In hindsight, that stuff about Stan driving the whole Shack to outrun the cops... very off compared to this plot that makes _slightly_ more sense. Anyway, plot twists will happen from here on out. Moreso than usual. So be on the lookout.

Chapter 10 of aformentioned (twice in this chapter alone!) _run:gifocalypse_ is coming out in two days, for the second anniversary of "Soos and the Real Girl."


	4. Soos in Giffany Land

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 4: Soos in Giffany Land: A Thoughtful and Equality-Promoting (Not for Cheap Fanservice) Analyzis on rhe Sexual Role Video Games Play in Our Lives and the Comparisons with Dating Real People, Also a Thoughtful Look on How Mechas Can Combine to Make Bigger Mechas and then get Exploded When Hit with a Drill**

 **Beginning AN:**

I _think_ I got a little carried away with this chapter. Sorry. Well, I'll admit right now that I'm kind of obsessed with the video game duo of this show. And sort of wish that the fandom put them in more stories.

(Oh, and because of what I'm finding tagged with .GIFfany (I'm either searching the wrong tag or Rumble has zilch on the site I'm going to mention) on Archive of Our Own: I don't count it if the character just makes like a cameo appearance and they're really just backdrop to that ever-creepy Bill shipping. I don't genuinely like at all, so I'm not a hypocrite, but that's happening in here and not Bill/Dipper or Bill/Mabel because at least there was a moment in time where Soos was, you know, genuinely "getting along" with her. And while _SBIG_ screws with canon, I don't even want to ironically trash Bill's character to "make fun" of a pairing by having it happen in a creepy way.

I promise this will be the last time I talk about Billshipping. I'm not even part of the "This is unhealthy and you're being offensive by doing this" group, I just think it's a very glaringly blatant example of pulling fic traits out of practically thin air to glorify a villain and the sheer omnipresense of it when I'm trying to find other things in the fandom is kind of... urgh.)

EDIT: Forgot both Dian's outfit here, and the cryptogram for chapter 5. I figured that Dian's outfit was the more important of the two (I'm joking, it takes much less effort to think of - especially since I already wrote the epilogue of _run:gifocalypse_ as of the time I am editing this, and that was when Dian's "new outfit" was described).

* * *

So in Nzyvo's tower, Nzyvo walked in with Rumble and Gideon by her side. Giffany also ran in, and was prostesting.

"WHY DID YOU JOIN THEM RUMBLE I THOUGHT WE DID THINGS TOGETHER! :(" Shouted Giffany.

"Well she talks about punching stuff and I like to punch stuff. Also, that Stan guy killed her father. She told me that."

"Well fine. I'll let you do whatever you want to because you're not leaving me for someone else... although we MUST stay in contact! Such as possibly by phone! Or internet chatting!"

"Will you stop talking for like two seconds?" Asked Nzyvo. "Anyway, I kind of fell asleep/dosed off a little for three hours, and when I woke up suddenly THE MYSTERY SHACKS ARE CLOSER! So you know what? Team! Go after and KILL THEM! All at once! I'll even give you the mechas!"

Rumble, Gideon, Trickster, and Shape Shifter all saluted. "YES MAM!" They all shouted.

* * *

So the Shack mech kept going foreward and the Tower Nzyvo was in was now actually visible (the road trip stuff was kind of boring) until HOLY CRAP A BUNCH OF THINGS LEPT DOWN! Mechs! Large mechs! Summerween trickster was in this large mech shaped like a Snickers bar. Shape Shifter's Mech was shaped like a UFO, foreshadowing that he's an alien. Nzyvo was short on mech-making supplies, so Rumble and Gideon had to get Giffany's and the dino's mechs respectively, or rather Gideon's was like the dino's mech 2.0. So that's why Rumble's mech looked like a giant schoolgirl, and Gideon's was a T-rex robot with eight arms and a spider tail.

"Let me go first they froze me those fuckers. :(" Said the shape shifter with an angry Emoticon.

He lept out of his mech for a stupid reason and immediately took the form of a Umanji the Eel from _Mario 64_ and bit on it. Mabel had a deep fear of that thing so she had to face her fears here like she did with Clayanimation.

Mabel ended up standing on top of Lagann with her eyes closed badassly and her arms folded as she thought to herself. "No! This is a time for growing up! Giga... Drill... Break!"

She then punched the Shifter off and then suddenly the Shagckan Lagann grew a giant drill which was thrown into the Shape Shifter, killing him.

"SHIT!" Shouted Nzyvo, who was watching this. "I need a replacement for the Shape Shifter!"

"I'll do it if you pay me double." Said Giffany. "Being reunited with my beloved Rumble but then losing him as my replacement only made me realize how much I missed him!"

"...Okay first we need to sort things out. So. Um. I first had fired you, I think. So then I got Creepypasta Sonic as a replacement. But then the Pterodactyl died. And I was off to get Rumble as a replacement, while also sending Creepypasta Sonic after to get the team? Uh... then Creepypasta Sonic turned out to be a joke, so I replaced him with Gideon. And now the Shape Shifter, a new variable, is dead, so his slot would be taken by... you? But you already 'had' a slot that... Rumble? is in? No, wait, Gideon? Yeah, I think Gideon's taking your slot and Rumble's taking th dinosaur's. Right? Which means that... it'd make more sense if you took back your own slot, but that would involve firing Gideon and re-hiring him... anyway," she began laughing evilly, "I knew you'd come crawling back to me. So yeah, since the Shape Shifter left his giant mecha, you can go inside of that one."

"Forget about slots! Anyway, sure, I can get into the shape shifter's mech."

She took off flying as Nzyvo watched on evilly. Suddenly, a bunch of Giffany copies zapped into the room, angry.

"HEY!" One of them yelled. "Where's #9! We just realized, she was the first one with her heart after Soos! We want to attack her for getting too close to that guy!"

Nzyvo hrugged. "Ooh, will you guys also go after these Mystery Shack people?"

All of them chanted in unison: "IF THEY GET IN THE WAY OF SOOS AND M!"

Nzyvo laughed again.

* * *

"...Okay, we'll have to make a plan." Said Gideon.

"Our mechas can all fuse together, right?" Asked the Trickster.

"Yes, but we need someone to pilot the Shape Shifter's mecha."

"I'M ON IT!"

This was shouted by Giffany, who ran up to and dashed inside of the giant schoolgirl mech. She actually kicked Rumble out of that (remmeber they video game fight all the time like Mario and Peach in _Smash Bros_ (bad example nobody plays as or MArio Peach; um Link and Zelda WAIT THEY'RE ALL FOUR SHIT!)) and into the Shifter's UFO mech, then zipped out and started attacking Soos and tried clawing at him but he dodged so she just ripped off his clothes until he reached under his hat (which was also ripped) and got a gun to shoot her back, then smirked as all four of them began combining! The result... eh, I don't know, just picture something silly looking. And huge, most importantly.

"I'M NOT INTIMATED!" Shouted Mabel. "I'LL JUST GIGA DRILL BREAK AGAIN!"

So she did and went all around the combined giant mech and went up inside. One by one, she broke the Sumemrween Trickster into pieces of candy, then tore a hole in Giffany, then a hole in Rumble. Gideon dodged this by going to the escape pod. Once the Shackan Lagann broke out the back end, the combined mecha just exploded, with Gideon's escape pod visible.

Inside the escape pod, Nzyvo sighed through an electric message to him.

"You left you coward. Now I'm gonna try to kill you."

So then the pod started beeping and a scared Gideon ejected himself and got out a parachute just as the pod also exploded. The wind carried him very far away.

...Okay, you can tell from the tags that Rumble and Giffany will survive, I'll just have them drop down on the deck of the Shack earlier than my original plan of one chapter later. (Which might span a few days so that wouldn't make sense anyway.) Also, the Trickster reformed there, the candy pieces falling and then clumping back together.

"I survived because my coding let me go together, as well as my spooky haunted magic stuff." Said Giffany.

"I actually follow by the exact same rules as her." Said Rimble.

"I'm made of candy what the hell did you expect? I have an excuse for being unkillable." Said the Trickster. "Why the hell are you so hard to kill, Giffany?"

Giffany did a sparkly eye thing. "Because the author loves me."

"Hi there!" Said Dipper. "I guess this makes you prisoners of war!"

"Don't drop the soap." Said stan, remembering his time in prison. Ralax, those were just the rules someone told him. Nothing bad happened to him there.

"Hey I'm gonna get a spare change of clothes." Said Soos. "I feel extremely uncomfortable with Giffany seeing me naked."

"Actually, we don't really like Nzyvo anymore." Said the Trickster. "She sent us a text. She was okay with blowing up Gideon because he ran away from being blown up. But that she liked us sticking with the explosion. We only survived because of our powers... Nzyvo also said that if we wanted to quit because we didn't like how she believed that the only people who shouldn't be killed by her were those that could survive and she'd be fine with that... I don't know. Nzyvo's weird and bloodthirsty. But you guys, you seem warm and fine. I might switch sides."

"Um, what did I say in Weirdmageddon... oh yeah, that's right! I lost something so I'm Humblr McSkirmish now." Said Humble. Actually Fuck calling him that, I'm still going to call him Rumble.

Giffany shrugged. "Fuck Nzyvo and I do want to join Rumble, but don't mean this means I'm good."

"Okay so now I don't feel uncomfortable with you seeing me naked. And it's just you and Bill that I have that problem with, and Bill spies on us all the time anyway, so I'm chill!"

Bill's only appearance in this chapter is him from the Mindscape right behind Soos, only he's covering his eye. He shouted "I DON'T _WANT_ TO SEE YOU NAKED THOUGH! BUT YOU DOODLED THAT DAMN COMIC OF ME IN YOUR SHOWERED! NOW WHEN I LOOK INTO MY CRYSTAL BALL TO SEE INTO IMAGES OF MYSELF AS GATEWAYS, I HAVE TO BROWSE CAREFULLY OR I'LL SEE YOUR ASS!"

"HEY!" A crowd was heard shouting. It was the Giffany army! And they had Melody kidnapped and tied in rope!

"HEP ME!" Shouted Melody. "Wait I don't want to be just a dansel."

"I'LL RESCUE YOU MY LADY!" Shouted Rumble as he lept off the Shack Lagann and rushed towards the Giffany army.

Meanwhile, the canon Giffany, Giffany #9, folded her arms while annoyed. "Oh COME ON! With Soos it seemed like more of a 'oh okay that happened to be a real girl he liked,' but is EVERYBODY leaving me for MELODY SPECIFICALLY?"

"Yes." Said Stan. "She's hot. I almost want to date you just so I could leave you for her. Then again, like I could even date either of you. My love life's been so terrible that I actually thought of marrying a statue thingy."

The Trickster went around and put a hand on Stan's shoulder. "Hey, you spend your life feeling kind of lonely too? I know that feeling. A little. Nobody wants to eat me. :("

Stan looked at the Trickster for a moment and felt his paint and sorrows. "We'll talk about it more."

Then they walked off.

"Hey!" Shouted Dipper, "Someone's being kidnapped out there!"

"...Well, think of it this way." Said Wendy. "We put more effort into saving you when that Not-Bill guy came in. For you, we jumped right away. So I'm just calling you special to see if you won't argue anymore."

"Oh okay then. But we should still help Melody, even if Stan doesn't want to do it. Or that candy guy, if he's even on our side."

Rumble meanwhile was punching a lot of the Gifany copies, but they kind of zapped him and quickly knocked him out. Although this was anti-climaxed when the Shackan Lagann just kind of picked him up and settled him on the roof, then lept off closer to Nzyvo's tower hideout, which was actually visible from here in case you forgot. (The road trip stuff. Was kind of. BORING!) Oh yeah, and the mech also picked up Melody. I promise we'll get back to the Giffany copies soon, there's just a few more things I want to establish.

Suddenly a robo-Gobblewonker dropped by! It had a lot of those other Gravity Falls people inside it, like McCucket and even the cops! Who leaped out and wanted to arrest Stan.

"Where's Stan?" Asks Blubs. "we're here to arrest him for earlier."

Durland exposited. "We found out about that Nzyvo and how she's just ruining the name of Gravity Falls, but also our Cop Tech showed that that Stan guy is near. Where is he, anyway?"

* * *

Stan and the Trickster had a good talk... and things went... well...

Let me tell you first that Stan was now excitedly following a trail of candy leading to the addict (by the way, this was all - the stuff from the Gobblewonker dropping down - about 1-2 hours after the Shack Lagann jumped away from the Giffany army, so it's not like they suddenly lept into a sexual relationship or anything). There, lying on Dipper's bed, the Trickster was there without any of his disguise on and was lying in that pose where one hand was on his head. Not the facepalm, that other thing.

"What do you say Stan? Want to 'talk out our issues' together?" Asked the Summerween Trickster.

Stan grinned. "Yes!"

Stan got on th bed and they began with kissing first. Stan sunk his arms into that deep, lush, purple pile of candy that made up the Summerween Trickster, feeling up his upper candy pile portion. Stan nibbled a little teasingly on his candy neck, but then started feeling a little weird.

"What's wrong?" Asked the Trickster.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Let's keep going." Answered Stan.

Trickster then also got a little bite on Stan's tongue and slid his spider-legish arms under the back of his shirt and undershirt and went up, then lifted the shirt off. Then the Trickster took off Stan's pants and underpants.

"Do you have a protection?" Stan asked.

The Trickster held up an open candy wrapper and wriggled his eyebrow.s It's funny because it's a square shape like a condo, and wrappers protect candy much like condoms do with okay I'm risking rating the age raising right now so I'll stop.

Dipper was heard outside shouting "WAIT DON'T STAN'S INNOCENT I'M SURE THE NICE THINGS HE DID FOR US MEANS YOU DON'T ARREST HIM FOR SOCIETY!"

The cops broke in and saw the two lying on the bed naked! Dipper looked like he was traumatized. The other two cops were just mildly surprised.

"Well, I shipped them." Said Durland.

"How could you do that when we didn't even know the Summersweeen Trickster existed?" Ased Blubs.

"OH MY GOD!" Said Dipper. "THAT'S MY BED!"

Suddenly both Stan and the Trickster began coughing. A lot.

"Oh shoot I forgot Nzyvo infused me with poison to prevent people from just eating me. You must have gotten it when you bit me, so it was in your bloodstream for me to get it when I bit you."

The reason why Nzyvo's poison infusion didn't poison the Trickster himself was because... well, Nzyvo put the poison in some other way. Like, kind of a second layer under the candy, while when Trickster became poisoned it was in his bloodstream (of soda) and that was bad.

"SHOOT THEY'RE SICK!" Shouted Blubs, "WE HAVE TO TAKE THEM TO A MEDICAL!"

"BUT WHAT ABOUT ARRESTING THEM?" Asked Durland.

"HELPING THEIR SICKNESS IS MORE IMPORTANT! NOW GIVE ME ANTEDOTE!"

Over the speakers, Nzyvo hacked into their computers and laughed her ass off.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Sht shouted, "That poison is HARDCORE stuff! You'll need to find the antedote, which is hard to make! I have it deeply locked up, and-"

Suddenly, the transmission glitched a little. It turned into a split screen. On one screen was a confused Nzyvo looking at how her own monitor became a split screen with the Shack on one side of hers. On the other side was what looked like Giffany, only with green skin and magenta hair and square glasses. She sighed.

"Hi there. I am Giffany #2201940. Just call me Dian, maybe. I um, we kind of started a society called Giffany Land. And I work with chemicals. I guess if you want to you could bring over a poison sample and I can run it through this huge computer machine I have to make an antedote."

Nzyvo snickered. "You only have 24 hours. Be quick!"

Rumble pumped his hand up. "I must go! I barely knew the Trickster but he's still my friend because I love my coworkers! I'll save him!"

Giffany shrugged. "I will go too."

Soos was like, "Oh man I want to save Mr. Pines!"

"Hey, can I go with you too? I actually kind of like kicking Giffany ass. Plus I know I was just captured by them, but I think I can fix things." Melody said.

"We have to go too, me and Mabel, this is for our uncle. And for Mabel to bring the Shackan Lagann with us." Said Dipper. "That mech could _really_ help us out."

"Hell No!" Nzyvo shouted. "I don't want that... that Lagann _thing_ to leave my sight! I'm gonna try to trap that right now!"

The ominous tower thingy shot out these anchor ropes that wrapped around the Shack Lagann hybrid.

"Well shoot, I guess I can't move this thing and will have to spend some time figuring out how to move it." Said Mabel.

"DIPPER I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS BUT NOW IS MORE OF THE TIME THAN EVER TO LOOK FOR KEYS." Said Journal 3.

"And I want to stay here to legally sort things out so that Stan doesn't go to jail for his crimes." Said Wendy, who flexed her hands. "My dad taught me how to be a lumpberjack, but I'm also pretty good at law stuff. For, uh... reasons."

"I thought you had a criminial record." Said Dipper.

"I said 'pretty good,' not 'perfect.' You think you're better? You have one too and you're younger."

"Well, maybe. Actually J3, why do I even have to be the one to do this? I think Wendy would find it more fun if she went hunting for keys and I got to write up contracts and be smart and everything."

Wendy pepped up. "Actually that's a great idea! I want to go on that key hunting adventure, it sounds cooler than being stuck up here in court with people from this town acting as the judge and stuff."

"FIRST OF ALL DON'T EVER CALL ME 'J3' AGAIN!" Yelled Journal 3. "SECOND OF ALL... yeah sure, I don't see a problem with that. You don't _HAVE_ to be the one getting keys, just I want you to be doing _something_ and those keys to be _collected._ "

"The problem is that this plot right here with 'Giffany Land' is forcing itself to be Soos-centric." Said Mabel. "Which is dumb because there's already a SBIGlet planned as a spinoff with them. How much more screentime is he gonna get?"

Everyone went "Shh" because that was supposed to be a secret.

* * *

Anyway, Soos and Melody were off into walking outside of the bounded Shack mech because Rumble and Giffany had since went far ahead of them. Instead of a crowd of angry Giffany copies coming towards them, though, they simply found this massive pink city made out of pink metal.

As they got close Giffany grinned and shouted "AH HA HAH A HA! You fell for my trap! You see, I had a little... _cooperation_ with all of my copies. Soos, you're mine now!"

And then Giffany shot the three of them (Oh yeah Rumble was standing before the city in shock) with lightning and into the city, where everything went black.

* * *

In court with Wendy (the Gobblewonker mech had its court thingy too)...

Actually FUCK this! That's boring! This isn't Law and Order this is Gravity Falls!

* * *

Because of the 24 hour timelimit, I'll just say that Soos, Melody, and Rumble were only out for about thirty minutes. They still have 23 and a half hours left.

They woke up to find some kind of forest in this city. Also Soos was naked, but he was still naked from that giant mecha attack so it's not like he was (intentionally) stripped or anything (because Giffany was aiming at killing him at the time to "delete" him).

It was Soos, Melody, and Rumble together lying on their backs, although they heard somone clear a throat. They stood up and saw Giffany standing by the end of a trail in front of them.

"Welcome to my world."

So we saw this montage of Giffanys in fanservice outfits because this needs more fanservice than just naked Soos. (Not-Bill doesn't count because he was a creepy bastard.) One of them was in a bikini and got pansted by another, and they both giggled at it. Because of convenient camera placement, shortly after the giggling another later put a peach down and a fourth copy bit it. It wasn't censoring her butt since it didn't come down until after her but was exposed (I don't believe in censoring butts), it was supposed to look like one copy playfully bit her on the ass it was kind of like that AXE commercial "AXE LAnd" that didn't show anything bad just something like it, so Gettig Carp Past the Radar.

There were other things like that going on too. Like these copies that were licking a sugestive ice cream cone, or washing a suggestive car, or riding toy rockets like Soos's toy train.

"Oh man! That's spicey!" Said Melody actually, I'm sick of the guy alwayss being the pervert Homer Simpson of the two.

"I know, right?" Giffany asked suggestively. "Wait, why am I trying to be flirty with you? It's Soos that I want! Anyway Soos, here we go... what if I told you about... this?"

She opened her skirt in front of the trio and winked, and Soos, Melody, and Rumble all gasped.

"Oh cool!" Said Soos. The inside of her skirt was lined with DVDs of all seasons of _Red Dwarf!_ (Yes even the shitty ones.) Giffany also had on these only-kinda modest white panties on. Melody and Rumble got a nosebleed from it. This is not a Giffany anime thing, it's a general _Journals of Wisdom, Porage_ thing you'll more of it later in places that have nothing to do with Giffany at all.

"Want to join me now?" Giffany asked. She let her hands go and her skirt fell to the ground. (Don't worry the _Red Dwarf_ DVDs did not break.)

"No! And we're on a serious mission! We need to get the antedote! I thought since both of us had poisoned allies we'd use that as a way to bond things and go on hacky hijinkgs **(A)**!"

Giffany smirked. "Let's just say I might have fast contact with that 'Dian.' Now... for what I call _the big twins._ "

The opened her shirt, and Melody and Rumble both blushed a lot with excitement, while Soos's eyes sparkled in a call back to when Giffany's did.

"Ooooh... this teeny, tiny little shirt can barely contain _these_ bad boys..." Giffany said.

"Oh no!" Said Soos. "Seasons 1 and 2 of _Rick and Morty!_ "

Yeah those were on these inside pockets too, like the inside pockets of her skirt. The reason why Melody and Rumble were reacting even stronger than before despite how they both like panties is because Giffany wasn't wearing a bra. I headcanon that she has like this huge mountain of panty varieties but doesn't even own a bra. Because there's a lot of panty shot in anime but little bra shots so I guess in anime they hate those things. Also her boobs looked too big for them to make bras that size I think. Another headcanon was that she had nice tits.

Giffany dropped her shirt and put a hand on the waistband of her panties. Hey if you think this is too sexual for a T rated fic please read the Stan/Trickster thing above that was way worse than this. Anyway, she lowered them and Melody and Rumble practically passed out, while Soos went "NOOOO MY ONE WEAKNESS!"

Somehow she crammed DVDs of the entirety of _Futurama_ in those tiny panties. Also at this point she was naked. No wait, she kind of kicked off her shos and socks because that looks stupid wearing nothing but then having shoes, and then she took off her head bow just so that she could do that thing where the lady swings her hair back and forth. But Giffany ended up with hair getting in her mouth and spat it out.

Soos got on his hands and knees and began doing those begging motions.

"Please! Stop it with your endless temptation! I still refuse!"

"Really you're just gonna ignore that she's butt naked and think that the DVDs are what's keeping you in?" Asked Melody. "You could buy those at almost any store."

"Oh. Right. Well, sorry Giffany, I'm rejecting your advances."

"NOBODY REJECTS GIFFANY WATCH!" Giffany said. Watch is actually her last name here, like Game and Watch. Wait did I already cover that? Well, I did now.

"Well I just did!" Soos plagiarized that episode of _King of the Hill_ with "Nobody rejects Debbie Grund!"

"I'll use my **special attack** on you!" She began glowing this pink aurua, and started saying "LOVEMURDER... SP-" but then cut it off when Melody asked:

"Hey, is your game two player?" Asked Melody.

Soos gasped. "Melody!"

"M-maybe we c-could get her off our backs once and for all if we just convince her to think of us as players 1 and 2 of the game!"

"Melody!" He said again, only not a gasp. "She's offering me fu-I'm sorry I don't swear-cking _Futurama_ and you're just caring about how she likes taking off her clothes in public, and considering using that to date her and me at the same time?"

"You could date me and her at the same time."

"Oh, okay then. So, two player game?"

Giffany had to think about it. Then, she narrowed her eyes at them. "You sly little bastard and you sly little bitch. You found a loophole. BUT! I also want Rumble involved. As a co-video game, I guess he's the other sort of game date guy, while these other copies of me are like providing extra teasing fanservice or something? BUT this is only a two player game! It's not a four player game like Smash Bros! Or an 8 Player Game like EIGHT PLAYER SMASH! Or twelve like those fucking Mario Karts."

"...I don't know." Said Soos. "That sounds like a lot of polyga-"

Suddenly there was bushes rustling behind Giffany. She turned around to see them, and then for the first time the trio could see her ass.

"OH WOW YOU GOT A NICE BIG BUTT!" Said Soos. This is also a headcanon, she has a skirt on at all times so you can't tell for sure. "I'M IN!"

Giffany nodded. "Nice. Thanks."

Suddenly a bunch of these branches and vines wrapped around the four of them. Suddenly, a green-haired, pink-skinned copy of Giffany wearing this sort-of dress made out of wood like a tree wrapped around her (I'm doing this gimmick where they almost have different outfits in each appearance, though these outfits are all recycles of their costumes in the epilogue of _run:gifocalypse_ ) with her hair being curly like vines and she had this rare green flower in her hair (five petals, it's a _Pikmin_ reference not an _Undertale_ reference). This was Professor Rose from _run:gifoclaypse_. I'm not telling you to read that so that doesn't count as the joke for this chapter. In fact you don't really have to read that to completely understand these characters especially because they're a bit OOC by their standards but more in-character by Giffany standards. But FYI most of the "Professors" from this point onwards this chapter really debuted in RG.

"Professor Rose!" Shouted Giffany, in case this was remade into a movie by Alex Hirsch and thus I couldn't just tell you things right here. "You trapped us!"

Rose laughed. "Yes... because I want Soos on my own!"

"What's a professor?" Soos asked.

"Also, continuity error," said Rumble, "but I thought all the copies wanted to look the same."

"Oh." Giffany answered. "Some of us were _really_ obsessed with you and worked their way into getting power. And something about electricity being energy which e=mc2 means that they can turn their possession energy into more than just electronics? That's how my **special attack** works, and how she just possessed/controleed all of those plants right there. Also, I lied. I do not have Giffany Land as under-control as I thought. So... Soos, Melody, Rumble... please help!

"About the continuity error, they apparently decided to look more unique to try to appeal to players who like variety. Call me a hispter, but I'm going with my classic design. And I'm apparently the only one that wants to."

* * *

Meanwhile, Stan and the Trickster were lying on what may very well be their death beds.

"Well, shoot." Said Stan as he coughed. "Just 25 hours left to live. Well, at least I know when I'll die. It's not like going to sleep where you never really find out the exact time, you just suddenly without knowing it are somehow start dreaming. I hate that."

The Trickster nodded. "Yeah, that sucks. But at the same time, not knowing would be such a good way to not take the stress of death and focus more on life."

"Hey, you're the one to talk about focusing on life and not death considering all the stuff you do!" Stan flirtedly laughed with him, and he laughed back.

"Wanna have 'we're gonna die' sex?" Asked the Trickster.

"Okay."

Dipper sprayed them in the face with water.

"Hey!" He said. "Again, not on my bed! Or Mabel's! Pick literally anywhere else in the Shack! Now, I talked to the law stuff. They said that, Stan, you'd be pardined for everything if you take down a major villain or something. So after you all get cured, help us take down Nzyvo."

"Okay." Said Stan. "Actually this Nzyvo seems like a pushover. Can't we do that now?"

"Yes once Mabel breaks us out of here."

"So uh, hey Trickster." Said Stan to the Trickster. "We could just pass the time, instead of having sex, by reading _run:gifocalypse_ , something I recommend the readers of this story to read."

"...Seriously that jokes old we should stop and not put it into every single chapter." Replied the Summerween Trickster. "I'm sorry."

"Okay agreed."

* * *

"Soos..." Said Rose in a creepy sing-songy way. "You will fall for me and love meeee! And don't fight back, you are not part of my official defense group! I'll give you your own bodyguards that have authority to fight! We'll be happy! You'll see! Honest!"

But then the other professors tackled her down. And you can tell they're the professors because they did this important thing, and reached her first. Because Rose could not focus on possessing her vines as much, they loosened and the group was able to go a bit more free now. So they began running away but Soos was actually kinda curious so he stayed back. (NOOOO! SOOS!) And this kind of pulled the other three in a sort of "Oh what the hell let's be nice" kind of way.

"So uh... wait! Dian! I recognize you! You have the antedote, right?"

The one with the purple hair, Dian, looked up at him with a surprisingly normal smile (the rest kinda had creepy yandere grins - I'll get to that reeally really soon).

"Hey, why don't you come over to the caves while I uh... 'sort things out' with these guys so to speak."

"Ah! You seem nice!"

But then the rest of them pushed her away.

"I'll haunt your life and make it terrifying until you jump into my arms and finally realize that I'm the safe one!" Shouted Kathody, whose outfit here was now a sort-of bikini with a jack-o-melon top and jack-o-lantern bottom (the two halloweens).

"We'll come swimming together on a bottomless ocean!" Shouted Searah, in a sling bikini this time. (Though her students with the swimsuits still had more revealing outfits. Actually fuck the school swimsuit, Great Pikmin Fan what the fuck were you thinking that's too 'moe' I don't want 'moe' I want 'sexy trying to seduce' you fuck.)

"Bottomless, heh..." said a stoned Sandy. She was also wearing mud again, only here it was already just kind of one streak across her boobs and a panty-like shape over her crotch, leaving nothing over her butt.

"I'm gonna BUTCHER anyone in the way of Soos and I! Just you wait! I'll cut them with a knife and serve them while saying 'Welcome to Gif Bytes may I take your order!'" Shouted Cardia, dressed in a dress of bones. I'll need to elaborate on that. She had these fancy strap thingies and on both sides bones that neatly went down, and bridging them was another bone thing over her boobs and one between her legs. Again, no ass coverage. "No, wait... w-whyyyy-ie would I b-be the front desk person c-clerk asking for an o-o-o-order? I'm the boss..."

"I want to brainwash you!" Said Bubbles this time with the suds actually arranging a bikini. "I mean, literally! Brainwash! Open your head and scrub-ishly rewire that nogging of yours until you are only loving of me! Actually wait that might just kill you... shit."

"And come see my gallery of you..." said Leona, in what looked like a casual rose-pink top and shorts but upon closer inspection was actually painted on.

"No, hear my playlist! I just composed eight thousand songs about how obsessed I am with you!" Shouted Sonia, dressed in a pair of black belts. One just over her boobs and with large piano keys dropping over them for coverage, one just at her waist also dropping piano keys.

Oh, yeah. Dian may not be there, but I only feel it's fare to talk about her new costume. It's... a pair of bands of this sort of purple moss-like stuff, one around her chest and one around her waist.

"I'll tell you what, we oght to recreate some of the dirtier _King of the Hill_ AUs my students made..." shouted Professor Wendy, dressed in a pink dress that bells out Amy Rose style and constantly flashes her underwear every time she fucking moves (except with Amy it's creepy as shit because she's, like, 12 and an animal. It's a lot sexier with .GIFfany being subjected because she's an adult and doesn't look like a Mickey Mouse which is ironic because .GIFfany is owned by Disney (which is where Mickey Mouse is from if you don't know) and Amy Rose is not). This is related to Wendy by element, she's the wind one and dresses blow.

"...I can see a world where we are together forever..." Shannon was not looking at him, she was staring into a hand mirror. One of her own kind that's like a virtual reality drug-y thingy. Oh yeah, and she was decked in a whip-cream bikini because her domain also produced sweets. (Like Zone 3 in _OFF_ and shit I'm thinking of Enoch wearing a whip-creamkini now.) "Just me and Soos... nobody else... in our way..."

Burnda and Burrda were not in the same outfit this time, but similar. They wore what looked like bowtie suits (I don't know if that's Broadway or Los Angeles or Texas or Vegas I'm not familiar with the big Bill Cipher-like outfit stuff) except instead of pants it was skirts that ended at the waist and exposed black thongs. The difference was that Burnda had a dark red flame suit with an orange flame pattern while Burrda had a dark white (okay it's really gray, but "dark white" sounds cooler) suit with a pale blue flame pattern. Pale blue and orange were also their respective bowties. Anyway Burnda patted Burrda on the back. "Let's be together!" She shouted. "And I mean _together_ together! Joined at one... sharing one heart for all eternity! The three of us!"

Burrda just had used video game-ish cool stuff to black out her face, except a large white "=D" was there. Not tilted to the side, but the giant eyes were where the eyes should be and the giant grin was where the mouth should be. She didn't shout or indeed even say anything.

"I find you incredibly attractive, and hope that someday my vying longing lust towards you will not remain unaquitted." Said Dove, dressed in only tiny band-aids that didn't even cover her nipples and one that barely covered her groin (this is her "new theme" where she's more of medical than destroying and army). Just picture censor bars if this is too revealing for you. "And fuck the competition. I mean, _really!_ "

"Dian where's your place I actually want to run there on second thought. The rest of your copies are crazy."

Giffany folded her arms at him.

"Okay not _all_ of them but these guys."

Dian kind of wrestled her way to the top of the pile and pointed in a direction. Um, it was to Soos's right. And the rest of them.

"Hey wait a minute. Why the fuck are we all fighting?" Dove asked the other professors. "We all have the exact same goal, right? To fuck soos? Why not just unite up and... you know, share him?"

"Because yanderes don't share!" Answered Rose. " _EVER!_ "

"We don't have to fit the 'yandere' thing to a T, you know. Hell I thought we would never even identify as that specifically. I mean, it's not like we were designed from our creators as '100% ripoff of this single anime type with no variation whatsoever.'"

"In canon we kind of were, yeah." Said Burnda. "Or should I say .GIFfany #9 was."

"Let me stop you right there and bring out the lawyerese." Said Dove.

"Is that racist because that sounds racist like Asians." Said Sandy. "Wait, hold on, are we _all_ Asian? Or just Giffany? Wait, Tiffany isn't an Asian name... so she is, she's an Asian American at a school with cherry petals and a dope uniform... eh nevermind I can't think straight I'm too pot right now."

"...Like I was saying," Dove continued, "Giffany, you didn't actually get hostile until Soos said you shouldn't date. When Dipper and Mabel pulled him to the mall, you just followed him. And told him you had powers. And offered to do whatever he wanted. When he talked to Melody and went back you was totally chill even if you probably saw him. It wasn't until Soos talked about _leaving her_ that Giffany was 'fuck you you fucker, you payed for me and bought me so let's be together for all eternity.' Giffany, verify this."

"You are trying to kill us! I do not want to act in your 'lawyer' gimmick!"

"Well, I'm not trying to _kill you-_ ah, fuck it. The point is, being _broken up with_ is what drove her to violence. Giffany did not automatically go on a killing spree of every single other girl in existence, did she? And also, when she attacked the pizzaerea, she only really aimed herself at Soos. The other animatronics... it was implied that they kind of acted on their own, with just 'evil' programmed into them. I mean would you really be distracted by a pizerrial kids game by hitting it by mistake? I fucking hope not. You tried talking him into going into your game world, with the others she was like 'hey animals wanna do something fun? go get them.' It is not being pissed off at competition that defines us, exactly. It is being pissed off at _rejection._ So we should team up to make Soos like all of us at ocne. That way, we all get our ultimate goal, and we can all be happy."

Holy shit am I really arguing that a dangerous possessive manipulative yandere can be polygamous _at the same time?_ Imagen that!

"Why don't you team up to make you all like me at once?" Asked Rumble. He wrapped his arms around Giffany to make this point: "I mean, I already have one person liking me! And I don't have as far to drop, so uh I'll gladly take the heat." He was also nervously bullshitting he loved this and if they were dangerous he could fight them since he loves fighting.

"And Soos has four point four four four four foiur three _**MILLION**_ that like him!" Dove finished. "You're outnumbered, bucko!"

"Wow, there's four quadrillion of you- oh wait i didn't see the decimal nevermind." Said Soos. "You just worded the number that way so you could end on 'million.' I do that all the time."

"Oh my god we have so mch in common then!" Shouted Dove, "Let's get married!"

The other copies nodded like they agreed (except Dian) or something and suddenly the four Good Guys took off running in the direction Dian pointed.

"This is like those harem thingies, except almost every single one of them is nuts and violent!" Soos said.

"At least there are no 'true' awful fucking tsunders." Said Giffany.

"Oh yeah, that's true! I hate tsunderes. They're can be abusive like yanderes, but usually, they're seen as good people instead of violent control freaks."

Giffany screeched to a stop like the road runner where her feet skidded on the grass path and kicked up a lot of dirt.

"Wait I just realized something."

"What?" Soos asked.

"My physical form can fly in this fan fic too. Why are we walking?"

"Oh okkay."

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the Shackan-Lagann, Wendy walked back smiling with a pink key with what looked like a bikini shape on it.

"hey Dipper I was sent to the Island of Dancing Naked Partyers where I got the Swimsuit Key. It was pretty sexy."

"DAMN how come you didn't tell me to go there Journal 3?" Dipper asked the Journal she was holding.

"Actually I just kind of don't like you. You sleep too often. So I intentionally got probably the best of them all out of the way first." Said Journal 3.

"I had to take a plane trip to Europe, but I got there." Said Wendy. "So it took a while."

"Yeah Dipper we will be traveling around the whole world." Said Journal. "You know how the first few keys were in Gravity Falls but then we got that one in California."

On the top, Mabel was talking with McGucket and trying to regain his sanity which is harder without Society of the Blind Eye happening, but he tried to get him to invent better and thus help them fight against Nzyvo and break out of her hold.

"Gucket try using a wrench on that anchor stuff." Mabel said.

"CAN I RATHER MARRY A RACCOON INSTEAD?" He replied.

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

Soos had to take a break and rushed into a bathroom that as he found out was actually personally customized for him. While there Professor Wendy walked in with a bunch of love balloons. I know her in RunGif also had her get over _King of the Hill_ but these are some final references, Stacey from that episode "Talking Shop" who started stalking Bobby. Soos paniced as she walked past because this was the men's room (actually the only restroom interestingly enough) and she stopped right in front of him and Soos paniced.

Soos quietly wiped his forehead when she began walking away but then he flushed and suddenly that made noise! He saw the heart balloons stop walking away from him and then he paniced.

Soos bolted open the doors and was about to run out but then went "Wait a minute!" And rushed back in and grabbed toilet paper and said "Boy, that would have been _disgusting_ if I didn't do that first!" You can probably tell what he did next with the toilet paper I don't really want to say it outright.

After doing... _that_ he bolted out and Professor Wendy spotted him and grinned creepily. Soos was about to run out the door but then he went "Wait that's also disgusting" and went over to wash his hands. Professor Wendy still had standards and that included not attacking people while they were cleaning themselves. HOWEVER PROFESSOR SEARAH DID NOT! She teleported out of the stream of water just as Soos finished and began running out.

"GO AFTER THEM YOU WANNABE JOCK!" Shouted Searah to Wendy (the other one).

"Okay."

She slipped into this pig suit and it was like "Pigmilation," but instead of asking him to marry some guy it was a crappy reference she was just wearinga pig costume over a bell dress. I'm talking about Wendy the _King of the Hill_ fan, not Searah who isn't a fan of it. Or the other WEndy, for that matter.

Melody, Giffany, and Rumble left their hiding places (they hid behind potted plants in reference to what Soos did in the episode) and began taking off on the run again. At one point they entered a foggy swamp and Sonia was playing this eerie music to ty to lure Soos in. And it was getting hard to see.

Shit.

Sonic was then flying after with her possessing soundwaves to try to catch thhem, but the group ducked off into a building... owned by Leona, who was having a huge hallway filled with paintings of Soos and lots of busts of him and it was creepy and stalkerish.

"Okay we need to calm them down." Said Soos. They just left as soon as Leona emerged and tried coming after them with a knife.

After more things like this, they finally made it to the caves and stuff, and found Dian there working with chemicals.

"Fwew!" Said Melody. "Dian! Thank God! So you fought away from all of the other evil crazy Giffany copies?"

Dian nodded. "Yeah. Here, I have the antedote."

She tossed a vial towards Giffany. "You can just email it to Stan and the Trickster."

So then it disappeared in a wireframe thing in Giffany's hand.

* * *

Back at the Shack, a "YOU GOT MAIL!" sound effected (this was a joke about Stan's age because that's an old email) and Stan opened his phone and suddenly the wireframed from the phone sent out a vial and Stan first seemed to drank it all which shocked the Trickster but then Stan leaned in and kissed to share it and then the Trickster giggeled "Oh you..." at Stan.

Suddenly they were both cured and could move around more without coughing and vomiting!

"Yeah!" Cheered Stan. "Trickster! Wanna have 'we're better now' sex?"

They were both sprayed by Dipper again.

" _ANYWHERE BUT MY BED!_ "

* * *

"Now all we have to do is get out of here!" Soos cheered. But then Dian started laughing.

"YOU FELL FOR MY TRAP I'M JUST ABOUT AS YANDERE AS THE OTHERS! HAHAHAHA!"

The other professorts started coming in! Followed by like a shitload of not-professor copies! (Lazily called students because that's what a Giffany starts out ass.)

"Oh yeah man, I'm totes cray-cray for you too." Said Sandy. "It's just that while I'm stoned I'm not acting like that as much, but now it wore off. So uhg... boo I guess, I want your ;)."

But she was still kind of on the high and actudentally bumped into Shannon, knocking the mirror out of her hands and causing it to break.

"uh oh..." Said Soos. "Something tells me that's bad."

"Let me recap." Rose was still the exposition one. "You see, those mirrors actually both produce a virtual reality-thingie that the person wants to see and be in, but to do that it also sends a signal that's kind of really addictive. And when a copy gets especially addictive to something and withdrawn, they get exceptionally stressed. And when they are really stressed and not thinking right, which also happens because the mirrors rot their brains a little bit, they glitch out."

"Oh, I see. So the mirror has the power to make people glitch if they look too long in them!"

"You're simplifying this and looking at it wrong, the mirrors themselves do not... any lack of coordination with stress - oh what the hell, COME INTO MY ARMS SOOS I LOVE YOU!"

And then Shannon started glitching, her Glitch (sorry I forgot these were technically capitalized) was that she had these weird bright lines around her and occasionally pieces of her would separate kind of like a glitching sprite but with a model, and of course like the other glitches she has these scrambled pixel effects too. Not like censorship but like you know when you fuck up an NES game too much.

Because she was right next to the other professors (including Dian who went back to them), they all kind of got less-bad Glitch effects too from the proximity, remember this is going by RunGif rules where this Glitch stuff is only temporary. They all started shambling towards the group like zombies, except the reason why they were slow is because they knew they had all the time in the world for Soos. Or so they thought...

"Wait dudes I think I can just talk you into being good." Said Soos. "I mean, it sort of worked with Giffany over here."

They all stopped and Shannon even un-glitched. "Okay."

Suddenly another copy came bursting out of the walls! She had this dark jade hair and eyes kind of like the complementary color to Giffanys, except if you just invert it then the dark parts become a blinding white and it looks ugly. Her skin was also this kind of dark greenish that you could get if you invert the primary color of Giffany's skin. She wore a fig leaf (kinda like Rose originally, the plagiarist) and sort of hoped that her hair can pull off that boob hair covering thing. Do I even have to say she had a bare butt?

"Oh no it's Professor Eve!" Shouted Giffany. "My kind of archnemesis!"

"Okay, I'm sorry." Melody interrupted. "'Arch' mean 'biggest.' 'nemesis' means 'biggest enemy.' So either say 'arch enemy' or 'nemsis,' not 'arch nemesis' that's redundant."

"Well, Eve and I used to want to plan together." Said Giffany. "I _actually_ met her before the other copies. Back then I was not as good with working with other versions of myself, before I showed Nzvyo the copies and we got more along... well, we fought and I almost banished her to the cyberworld, but she refused becase that was a ripoff of Gaster from _Undertale_ , so instead she's now just super pissed. Think Dove, but mad at AIs, and not humans."

"Is she spoilers for RG?" Asked Rumble. "Because I'm still on chapter 11."

"No, the fact that I had a very small window of time that I could have possibly met her before Professor Rose is a dead giveaway. She doesn't exist in RG. Or, at least, she's probably some sort of minor copy there instead or something. She's not _important_ to RG's plot. But... does she _exist_ in RG? That is a good question."

"Oh shit Eve we are in a serious disagreement about a lot of things then." Said Dove.

"I think I can reason with her too!" Said Soos.

"Then what's the point of introducing me?" Asked Eve. "Oh wait, I know, I'll be the token member that tries to backstab you later on. Remember this line in this painfully long chapter."

"Okay. Let's talk things out. And bring the other copies so we can talk out too." Said Soos.

* * *

THE TALKING WAS BORING IT WAS LIKE AN HOUR LONG VERSION OF DIPPER'S SPEECH TO GIDEON FROM WEIRDMAGEDDON PART i.

"So we're all agree that it's like playing a two-player harem dating sim game, Rumble's just also one of the options he's the guy option?" Soos asked. "Also, that killing is wrong and you can't just 'win' a person's heart?"

"YEAH!" The copies cheered in unison, except Eve which was foreshadowing something.

"So let's all sleep together! You know, that thing!" Said Melody.

Soos looked embarassed. "Okay we'll do a massive four-million Giffany copy orgy then, but this is my first so..."

"It's not mine I slept with all three of those other people that returned my game." Giffany winked at him. "I'm gonna blow your mind."

* * *

TO SEE THIS UNCENSORED PLEASE DONATE 8,000 TO MY PETEREON! (hERE'S THE LINK: ) THE UNCENSORED VERSION OF HECKSING ULTIMATE CHRONICLES AND THE THING IN CHAPTER 7 IS ALSO ON THERE, ALSO AT 8,0001.

Soos, Melody, Giffany, anr Rumble were all lying in bed naked, and surrounded by a massive ocean of naked Giffanys moaning in delight (the sound kind of blended together and it sounded even ncier, like crickets but I bet that one moaning Giffany already sounds nice as-is ;)). Soos was smiling and was like "Okay that was cool." But literally eveeryone else except Giffany #9 (and even then, barely) looked too exahusted to move. And blown away.

"Oh my _GOD_ Soos, how did you do that?" Said Giffany #9. "Every single one us... and you just... I didn't even think that would be physicall possible for an AI! Let alone a human!"

"Well, I guess I'm like those bad fan fic Gary Stus that gets all the ladies." He laughed.

"This is the best day of my life." Said Melody.

She reached over to try to find her clothes, but they were missing! In fact, all of the clothing of her and Rumble was missing!

"Um hey copies can I borrow your cl- wait nevermind that looks uncomfortable and it's almost basically naked anyway, I think I'd rather go naked than try to look for 'what works.'"

Meanwhile, we saw Professor Eve evilishly burning Melody and Rumble's clothes. (Remember Soos was naked to begin with, Giffany was also naked a lot at the time so she could get hers back if they backtracked to that forest).

* * *

So now the main four of this weird polygamous group (hey considering Hecksing and the Rainbow Crew, is this surprising you at all?) had to walk back to the Mystery Shack naked. Unfortunately and I didn't mention this before, there was a city in the way.

"Hey I can get you guys a hot air balloon if you care about modesty so much, Melody." Said Professor Wendy.

"Okay." Said Melody.

The main four were all flying above the city and all was well until also like in _Simpsons_ Melody kind of fell out and grabbed on via rope, then ended up with her ass sliding against the screen of a glass window. And it was a hot day and as you know glass windows are solar powered so they store the sun's heat so it was hot. Melody went "OW!" And that got all the congress people and the president to look over at her from the noise, so they saw the others and were shokced.

"COVER UP THE CHILDREN!" This was a callback to the end of _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_.

"OH! THE CONTROVERSY!" And that was my attempt at making a new running gag.

Soos said "Hold on I'll save you!" And leaned over. Unfortunately that led in the balloon touching the metal spike thing on top of the building like in New York, and this popped the balloon and send it flying around like in a cartoon. Melody thankfully held on and flew with it, and they eventually fell into the streets. Giffany used some variation of her flying powers to slow them down in just the right way that the change in velocity wouldn't kill them.

They gently landed down but were in the middle of the city. Some guy came up an started creeping over Melody, the only one of them covering themselves.

"oh my god you're naked against your own will and you hate being naked and you're embarassed that's hot!" He said.

Giffany stepped between them and waved with a smile. "Hi there! I didn't hear all of what you said because I was looking at that arcade across the street and got distracted, but you said you liked public nudity?"

"Uh... you don't seem to mind..."

"Oh, believe me, my whole 'starting schoolgirl' shtick was the only reason why I do not just go around naked all the time! I can tell you feel the same way about wanting to feel free about your body based on your interest in us. So, want to consider naturism?"

He looked scared. Then he ran away. "AHHH! SOMEONE NAKED BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE! AND NOT AN ENF! (EMBARASSED NAKED FEMALE!) I CAN'T SPEAK TO A WILLING! I'M TOO SHY!"

"Thank you for scaring that creep off!" Said Rumble. "You have earned twenty Respect Points from me!"

"What?" Asked Giffany. "I don't know what you are talking about. I really was interested in that arcade and I really did think he liked naturism."

"I just want to keep things clear though," said Soos, "you're going around naked and want to because you're a porn game, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay thanks."

* * *

I'll just skip to when they were by the Shack.

"Oh! Finally!" Said Melody. "Clothes are there I think! Now I can stop covering myself with my arms and stop making a choice of boobs, butt, or crotch, and deciding to leaving my butt out in the open!"

Giffany frowned when she said that.

But then a bunch of news repoerters came because of course Giffany Land isn't just gonna go by unnoticed. They started flashing cameras and news stuff and people were writting in newspapers already as microphones were everywhere and stuff. Also, I like _King of the Hill_ , so Nancy appeared there like in channel 84 news as a small cameo irrelevant to the plot.

"Oh my god there was a city and you're all video games?" Also Toby Determined was there. Oh, hey. His first name is Toby like Toby Fox, and his last name is Determined like how determination is a big thing. Is that a reference?

I'm just fucking kiding of course I know Gravity Falls had that guy way before _Undertale_ was a thing. Stop comparing everything to everything unless it's _Paper Mario: Color Splash_ with _Splatoon_ because Nintendos themselves did that on Twitter and the comparisons made sense.

"Yeah but we just made love to them, not war, and everything is okay." Said Soos. "Also, I'm gonna blow the world's mind, but things like living video games, ghosts, zombies, unicorns (oh wait that episode didn't happen yet nevermind), merpeoplle, and clay skeletons really exist! Yeah you'll have to live with your entire perception of reality changed like that!"

"I'm sorry but as an actual real reporter, I have doubts." Said Shandra. "We like lying on the news, so we'll just say... um, blame this on saying maybe aliens caused it."

"Hey, are you censoring this?"Asked Melody.

"This is live news. We can't censor things live stupid."

Then some woman in a red dress with brown hair came by, she like jumped over the others and practically fluttered over them.

"So, I just want to make sure," said this mysterious news reporter, "you're all in this willingly, and of your own wants? None of you guys just brainwashed all of those video game girls or anything like that? There's no possession involved?"

"Not really." Giffany shrugged. "We're friends now. We used to be enemies. Except that guy and that girl," she was pointing to Soos and Melody, "they were always on good terms."

"'Kay. Good. Just checking."

"Hey you're not a news reporter that's not even a microphone that's some kind of flower you're holding." Said Shandra.

"Heh... I know, I'm just always suspicious and checking out harem-related shit in case something is bad."

She began walking away, but took a few steps and then seemingly turned into this white beam that went up.

"...That was weird." Said Soos. "I'm sure we'll be seeing her again."

So anyway they got past all the media shit and Nzyvo's trap and knocked on the door. Dipper answered and frowned because he was greeted with a naked Soos.

"You're back?" He asked.

"Yep! And you know what? Giffany and Rumble and all of the other Giffany copies are redeemed, too! Hey Mr. Pines, you wouldn't mind if four million Giffanys stayed with us, would you? I mean they have their own place, Giffany Land, they just like being near me and I like having my job here."

"I could attract customers with them!" Said Stan, wrapping his arm around the Summerween Trickster because they were totally now a couple. "So yes! I mean no, I forgot that 'mind' means something like the opposite."

Rumble came in and Robbie was also there with the rest of the Gobblewonker town and Dipper screamed at the naked Rumble too, but Robbie went "OH GOD HE'S NOT GONNA FIGHT ME AGAIN NO NO NO NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Oh yeah, I'm dating Rumble now! And Giffany! And all the Giffanys in fact! Oh yeah, and things are going _better than ever_ with Melody if you know what I mean! We kissed!"

"But what about-" Giffany began.

"You think that's a dumb joke, but I'm just Disneying myself for the kids. Speaking of which, Giffany, you did a good job at that in canon, why aren't you as good at it before?"

Dipper also screamed at the naked Giffany. By the time Melody came in he was more like "Ooh I wanted to see her naked." And Melody just glared at him because she was literally the only one that did not want to be seen naked.

"So dudes, I guess now that we're back, we can find out how to go through and stop Nzyvo!" Said soos.

"Okay." Dipper replied.

Dipper then went around and heard water running in the shower, and saw that there were several Giffanys showering there with the curtain open and he went "AAHHH!"

"Oh, hi there!" Said one of them. "Sorry, but you cannot join us until you are 18 or older. And are part of our 'group' like Soos, Melody, Rumble Mcskirmish, Giffany #1, Giffany #2, Giffany #3, Giffany #4, Giffany #5, Giffany #6, Giffany #7, Giffany #8... well, you get the idea. I will not rat out over four million numbers."

"HEY DON'T STOP AT ME!" Shouted Giffany #9. "I'M THE MAIN ONE! THE ONE FROM SOOS AND THE REAL GIRL!"

But Dipper already moved on out to the kitchen where a bunch of Giffanys were wearing nothing but aprons and preparing a long line of food. He followed them up to the bedroom, where they were setting Breakfast (actually more like Lunch beacause it's afternoon) in Bed with... MELODY AND RUMBLE AFTER BEING NAKED IN DIPPER'S BED!

"NOOOO! ALL THAT TIME I KEPT STAN AND THE TRICKSTER OUT! MY BED! YOUR NUDITY!" This is a _King of the Hill_ reference I did not want people to think I plagiarize that joke I just mean to point it out so I am giving it credit.

"Oh man so Dipper lied to us?" Asked Stan looking at the couple.

"SHOOT!" Melody pulled the covers up over herself. "And I thought that this bed was available!"

"I LIVE IN VIDEO GAME LOGIC!" Said Rumble. "Where this was an inn! I asked if this was and Soos said 'yeah dude, sort of!'"

"Oh, okay. So you're not a jerk you just didn't know any better. I've never really been here before becides seeing parts of it while online dating with Soos, so I don't know either."

Dipper put his hands to his face. "Ugh, this is a nightmare."

"Alright!" Mabel cheered. "McGucket and I finally figured out how to break this thing free!"

But then the Mystery Shack was hit with a giant explosion, pushing everyone backwards! Don't worry nobody was killed. They all looked up and saw that the tower had this cannon towards the top, and Nzyvo was in the Lazengann standing on top with both her arms and the arms of the mecha crossed.

"I'm fucking bored." She said. "What took you guys so long? Let's get to this final battle already!"

2-15-25 15-8 2-15-25 23-8-5-14 20-8-5 14-1-18-18-1-20-9-15-14 19-1-9-4 1-14-20-8-25-4-9-14-7 3-1-14 8-1-4-16-12-5-14, 4-9-14-7-19 19-21-18-5 4-9-4 8-1-4-16-12-5-14 1-12-12 15-22-5-18 20-8-9-19 3-8-1-16-20-5-18. 19-20-1-14 1-14-4 20-8-5 20-18-9-3-11-19-20-5-18 13-1-25 8-1-22-5 14-15-20 7-15-20-20-5-14 12-1-9-4 25-5-20 2-21-20 20-8-5-25 23-9-12-12 19-15-15-14. 9 14-15-18-13-1-12-12-25 4-15-14'20 21-19-5 13-5-13-5 6-1-3-5-19 12-9-11-5 20-8-5-19-5, 2-21-20... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

* * *

 **Footnotes:**

 **A:** Again, this was actually what the /Soos/Melody plot was going to be like. It was also going to be on chapter 5. I ended up liking this one a little bit more shortly after I thought of it, though.

 **Closing AN:**

We're nearing the half-way mark of this fic! I promise chapter 5 will be shorter than 4, even if it's more of a large plot twist-y chapter.


	5. Family Reunion

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 5: Family Reunion**

 **Beginning AN:**

Time for the mid-finale of _Journals_! I hope you enjoy this, and that this chapter along with _Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_ will be enough to make up for the wait before the second half.

* * *

"Well?" Asked Nzyvo, as this picked off exactly where chapter 4 left off.

"Shoot." Said Soos. "I guess we should, like, fight her and stuff."

"Yes!" Mabel pumped a fist up in the air. "Let's do this!"

She powered on Shackan Lagann and its feet had jets and they stormed into the dungeon-

"WAIT!" Shouted Nzyvo. "I feel like telling you what this place is called. It's called Finalayer. HAhaha get it, it's the final layer?"

Anyway they kept flying through and Gucket was like "Hey wait a minute I know how to hack into their cameras." He did that and then was greeted with NZYVO LOOKING RIGHT AT THE RANDOM CAMERA HE PICKED!

"ARRGH!" Nzyvo yelled. "I HATE YOU GRAVITY FUCKERS GTTTTING IN THE WAY OF MY AWESOME PLAN! FUCK YOU!"

As they dashed through the halls, it suddenly began firing a shitload of missiles at them! But the Shackan Lagann grew a lot of drills and just deflected them and they exploded with evwery hit.

Mabel made the mach jump into the air and tear through a bunch of floors, including lots of storage rooms and bathrooms and the like. (Rude what if Nzyvo needed to take a shit?) But then there was a room that kind of looked like the portal that **(Spoiler)** that guy was inside from canon, keep this foreshadowing in mind. Oh yeah, and they had that Gobblewonker thing on their back.

"I WON'T LET YOU REACH THE TOP!" Shouted Nzyvo, then suddenly her Lazengann stormed down and stabbed the Shack Mech with her feet! And yes now it has a larger body like the canon Lazengann. And it was folding its arms like a badass!

"ALTHOUGH YOU ACTUALLY PROBABLY SHOULD NOT ENTER THAT PORTAL ROOM EITHER! IT'S A SECRET PROJECT!"

She threw out a huge number of these thin, narrow drills unlike the large bulky drills from Lagann. The Shackan Lagann dodged this but then the Gobblewonker whatever containing the secondaries came in.

"WE'LL HELP!" Shouted McGucket as he took the lead... "ACTUALLY, I HACKED INOT TO FIND THAT THERE'S A CONTROL PANEL NEAR THE TOP! REACH THERE, AND YOU CAN SHUT OFF ALL POWER TO ALL OF NZYVO'S MECHAS!"

But then Nzyvo just zipped really quickly inside the mech and smirked evilly at them.

She started zooming around giving kicks to the heads of the Gravtiy Falls secondaries. The cops actually did fight back at her decently, but she just shrugged off their bullets and went 'meh' at that. Even Gucket's electrical gun did jack shit to her.

"CRAP!" Shouted McGucket. "SHE'S TOO POWERFF-"

But he could not finish that sentence as the entire Gobblewonker mecha blew up! (Don't worry everyone survived!)

"OH _SHIT!_ " Shouted Dipper. Then Nzyvo landed and turned to look at them with a glowing eye. Oh and uh... Nzyvo got out of the mech, almost forgot to throw on this little detail.

Soos looked a watch around Meloy's wrist.

"Oh yeah guys all the other Giffany copies are inside this little watch that has 'extra disk space' so that they can all cram there and fit!" Soos explained. "Anyway, we have over four million of thme! Let's get them to help!"

Nzyvo looked through the window and saw Soos.

"EW put on clothes!" She said. But she was stunned but his nudity long enough for him to through a random artifact on her from the Mystery Shack. (It was that 'cleepstake' thing that was the viewer from "Little Gift Shop of Horrosr." HA, and that guy was supposed to be YOU, so think of this as anyone that might call Nzyvo a Mary Sue - Soos attacks YOU instead! Ha ha, gotcha!)

Anyway the army of Giffany copies was released by Nzyvo just bolted over to them and KO'd them with kicks while barely getting a scratch. The professors gathered towards the Mystery Shck for a plan.

"Okay, we need a plan." Said Rose.

"I GOT IT!" Dove drove by on a motorcycle. "YOU KNOW NZYVO, THRE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE EDGIFICATION IN HERE! LET'S FIGHt! Also Soos, I know that all you boys just love those Bad Girls. I'm a Bad Girl. Wanna ride on my motorcycle."

"Sure thing!" Said Soos.

"Cool! You're cool!"

"But let me put on a helmet first."

":("

"Wait so now you're wearing clothes?" Asked Burnda.

"Oh, you're right. Nevermind, I won't put on a helmet." Said Soos.

"This is a rare sentence but I'll say it anyway: Thank you Burnda."

So Dove and Soos motorcycled over to them and Dove lept off (grabbing Soos and taking him with her) and kicked the motorsycle over towards

Nzyvo, but then did a back-flip in mid air as she brought out a pair of guns. Nzyvo blew up the motorcycle with a kick but that was okay as that was only a distraction so that Dove could try to fil her full of led.

"DUDE! This front seat action is AWESOME!" Said soos. "Too bad I don't really know what to do with a super-soldier like this."

The other professors (actually copies in general, screw just giving the professors screentime) and Rumble fell into the battle as well, and from the back the Trickster stepped up front to try to protect Stan but also go into battle himself.

And I'll save your time by saying that Nzyvo just kind of kicked all 4 million of the Giffany copies's sexy asses (again she shrugged off Dove's bullets, and also shrugged off the attacks from the copies and the like), and they kicked Rumble's ass (like Carl from _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_ , sexy for those that like men) and Melody's sexy ass and Soos's ass as well. Trickster and Stan's butts were also throughly whooped. Look at all of this ass kicking! Is she Nzyvo or is she Hank Hill?

Anyway still, that left Mabel, Dipper, Wendy, Candy, and Grenda as the last people in the Shackan Lagann (remember, everyone that wasn't in that chapter 2 group or friends with soos or the Trickster was in the Gobblewonker and kicked out), so the five snuck out.

Then Wendy thought she could be a badass and fight Nzyvo.

WENDY! NOOOOO!

Wendy charged out with an axe right when Nzyvo was on top of a mountain of KO'd Gifffanys (and other people, but come on. It's mostly Giffanys. Taht's the best way to describe this.) When Nzyvo saw Wendy even Nzyvo was like "Fucking really you think you can beat me?"

"Because I'm a Corduroy!" Wendy shouted. Yes, I already knew of the series ending even if I orignally thought of this back around the time before "Blind Eye." _Gravity Falls_ is over but hopefull we could get a cool replacement. Like a reboot or something of another Disney show.

Nzyvo simply used the Poweer of Fire to spawn a fireball and knock that shit straight out of Wendy's hands. Then Wendy went. "Oh..."

* * *

So the Shackan-Lagann made it up to the top tower and the shit looked like the Lordgenome fight in _Gurren Lagann._

Suddenly Nzyvo lept up! She tore off the front wall of the Mystery Shack and saw a nervous Dipper, Candy, and Grenda gathered there. Dipper blushed and gave a nervous wave as he held Journals 3.

"THIS IS A ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT MABEL! IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME, FIGHT ME YOURSELF! YOU FUCKING PUSSY!"

She kicked the Mystery Shack and it de-combined with Lagann an was sent flying out the wall of the Finalayer. Lagann just kind of plopped down to the floor.

"But that was your wall LOL." Said Mabel, the last one left.

Meanwhile, on the ground, Candy was dazzed and got up and she noticed something about the way they landed. It looked like Dipper's right arm was gone!

"HOLY CRAP NZVYO AMPUTATED YOU!" Candy cried. She noticed that it was actually a stumpt for a while.

"Oh, actually." Said Dipper. "I got that arm chopped off by a ghost. Soos gave me a convincing-looking prosthetic. I don't know where it is now but I'll have to go with that arm." I promise you'll eventually see the story where he lost it, it's not like this came out of nowhere just to be a random past event thing not from canon.

BACK ON THE TOP:

Nzyvo waved around Dipper's prosthetic arm tauntingly.

"I also snagged this with my super speed." She said. "I think I'll keep it just to be a dick. Anyway, what better way to finish you off than with the fake-arm of our brother? Now..."

Nzyvo lept in the air and snapped her fingers, and Lazengann teleported towards around her to form a protective shell-like thing, forming the mech! It also lit on a lot of huge fire, which completely blew off the roof and errupted ;lile a volcano above! Mabel kept herself protected by the brain-looking head thing of Lagann.

"That's also your roof LOL!"

But she got seriously and twisted the key and Lagann grew its own limbs and got Spiral Power and got lots of drills. It stood there, facing Nzyvo's mecha!

Also, all around everyone was watching through monitors. Stan was scared because that was his fucking family there, but the Trickster wrapped his arm around him for comfort. Wendy was sweating that Mabel might die there. Giffany, Soos, and Melody held eachother scared, while Rumble tried to be stoic and a tear was in his eye. Dipper, Candy, and Grenda were nowhere near computers in Finalayer, the Shack fell to the bottom, so they just saw a shitload column of fire and were like "OH FUCK I HOPE EVERYONE'S OKY!"

"DIPPER I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE TIME AT ALL, BUT IT'S BIG!" Shouted Journal 3.

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR KEYS!" Dipper shouted. "FUCK YOU, I'M STANDING UP FOR MYSELF! MY SISTER COULD BE DYING THERE!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO FIND A KEY, PER-SAY... IT'S JUST THAT... SUDDENLY, ALL OF THE KEYS WENT MISSING."

"WHAT?"

* * *

"LAGANN!" Mabel cried. "SPIN ON!"

Mabel charged forth with the Lagann's rocket jet things, and brought drills out to charge at her. But Nzyvo simply caught this with Lazenngan.

"Ha ha ha. I have the power of power. That name implies that I'm really powerful. Why are you still trying to kill me-""

Then Gideon broke in with the mecha from Gideon Rises!

"HA HA!" He shouted. "I just got this mech back and now I'm ready for making this into a three-sided battle!"

"THIS STORY IS TOO LAZY TO HAVE A BATTLE WITH THREE DIFFERENT SIDES!" Shouted Nzyvo, and she spawned a gigantic drill that pushed the Gideon Bot off and off the ledge and he fell down right next to the Mystery Shack. A stunned Gideon could only tell to Dipper, "By the way Mabel's still alive and everything."

"Oh good."

"Hey, you're a bad guy." Said Candy. "Come on Grenda! Come on Dipper! Let's go kick his ass for tryhing to kidnap Mabel!"

"NOOOO!" Shouted Gideon.

Anyway, back on the top, Mabel was flying around with Lagann and barely just even dodging Nzyvo's drill attacks. Also, in that weird portal room from before, it was revealed that all of the keys were there! Even the ones Dipper grabbed! They were all gathered around the portal and they spun around a lot, causing the portal to activate. Ominous shit was being set up...

Dipper began glowing green and, on his forehead (which is stupid he can't see it but Candy and Grenda did) a triforce (this is obviously Zelda no point in hiding it anymore) with the lower-right triforce glowing, while on Nzyvo's forehead a triforce with a glowing top triforce glowing, and Nzyvo was red. Mabel got nothing.

Anyway, Mabel tried drilling at Nzyvo's mech and eventually tried to stab into Lazengann's body to try combining, then Nzyvo was like "HELL NO!" and detatched the head so it was like it was in the first chapter, and then the body blew up and sent Mabel backwards. Nzvyo then charged forth and started glowing with fire as she flipped the pages of Journal 2, and got even MORE fire! But then Mabel clashed with the mech, and they both flew out of their mechs and both of the mechas rolled across the ground and fell out, leaving Mabel and Nzyvo on foot. They both breathed heavily. Then began running after one-another.

"CHARGE!" Shouted Nzyvo as a bunch of fire gathered around her right leg.

"CHARGE!" Shouted Mabel as she used Spiral Energy to form a drill around her left leg.

Then they both got a running start, and jump-kicked with that respective leg...

Mabel's drill managed to break through the flames and take out Nzyvo's fire leg, but...

Nzyvo just put extra magic into the fire around it, and that broke Mabel's drill, and that took out that particular leg.

So basically they each lost a different leg and fell down. Mabel looked at it and screamed. Nzyvo just took a drill from Lazengann, sharpered it with her hands, and made a temporary prosthetic leg so she could run after Mabel and finish her off!

But then the whole place collapsed! The portal's strength began tearing Finalayer apart, causing a hole to rip in it!

* * *

"Hey, I really want to touch that triangles on your forehead." Said Grenda. "Can I touch it?"

"What triangles?"

Candy handed him a mirror and said "Hey I want to touch them too."

They reached their hands and Dipper tried swatting them away and then went "No get away! _I'll_ touch _myself!_ "

So he tapped the icon and suddenly a bunch of shit began happening.

A lot of green was everywhere and a lot of wind and things were going haywire kind of. The triforce on Dipper's forehead turned into a giant flower thing and it was symbolic, and then said flower opened up and some giant naked green woman (unless you count the flower in her hair) came out like the Great Fairies in _Ocarina of Time_ and _Majora's Mask_.

"Hi hi hi there!" She said after spinning around a bit and kind of floating. The flower itself on Dipper's forehead wilted and rotted away, meanwhile he was like "What the FUCK just happened?" Because a flower was on his head. Dipper didn't say it, but he thought it.

"WOAH green boobies!" Shouted Candy! "Who are you?"

"I'm Farore, Goddess of Courage!"

"To be honest Journal 3, I think I'd rather have her as a guide than you already. She's not waking me up and telling me to get keys."

"Oh yeah. Most of the keys, except for the two special keys, were somehow warped over at the same location thanks to... hold on, someone has access to my sister Din. And I think she somehow found a way to teleport the 616 non-special keys over to where she wanted them to be."

Soos got a view of this from the upper floors, just as the building kept collapsting in.

"HEY!" Giffany shouted at him. "You can _look_ at her, don't _oggly!_ If you want naked green women, we have over two hundred of them! And counting if you want to make more copies!"

"Wait, that was an option?" Soos asked. "And I wasn't oggling. I'd never do that."

Giffany actually looked disappointed. "Yeah, I know... a little boring. Man, that rush when you first dated Melody... that was _awesome!_ You were actually into someone else and I was ready to stop you from cheating on me!"

"Fuck, he broke up with you first!" Said Burnda. "Do we _really_ have to do this in _this_ fan fic _too?_ "

Anyway Farore looked up and frowned. "Obviously I have the Power of Courage and thus Fafore's Wind. Well, it's my own wind skill. I can teleport all of you up there to see what the heck is going on with my sister Din."

"Okay." Said Dipper.

"Take us too we're badass!" Said Candy. Grenda nodded too.

"I can punch Nzyvo in the face! It's time for a rematch!"

"Hey um I'm one of the good guys." Said Gideon. "Can I be teleported too?"

"He's lying." Said Dipper.

"DAMN!"

Journal 3 got on his hands and knees and made begging motions, though since he's a fucking book with arms and legs ot's hard to tell.

"OH GODDESS FARORE GOLDEN! IT'S REALLY YOU!" He said. "YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!"

"Is he nice like this around you at all times?" Dipper asked. "Because if he seems like a nice guy... again, like with that Gideon kid over there, he's lying."

Farore loooked confused. "Um, I actually don't really know this guy. Or... girl?"

"Guy. Anyway, yes, we never really met." Said Journal 3. "But I'm a huge fan because your magic is what the Author used to help bring me to life!"

"OH wait it's just occuring to me right now to ask who the author is." Asked Dipper.

"That's because this story started before 'Not What He Seems' aired. Anyway, I'll tell you right after we've taken down this Nzyvo. Now, Fafore, you can teleport us over there if you would please."

"He's using the word pleaSE!" Shouted Dipper. "This is _amazingly weird!_ "

So Farore teleported them over to where the fight is.. Or rather, was. Because the building had broken up and Mabel was still panicing over her leg, while Nzyvo had been falling around through the various other floors.

"Hey, you should take care of that girl. I'll go after the person who has my sis-"

But Dipper, Candy, Grenda, and Journal 3 all fell down the pit, while Mabel still remained holding on.

"Um... nevermind, I guess I'll see what I can do with someone who's leg just got blown up."

Actually kinda everyone was falling but Dipper saw Nzyvo kicking and beating pretty much everyone and it was pretty brutal and scary. They made it towards the ground of that mysterious portal room and all of the keys were there.

"ONE OF THE KEYS IS THE TELEPORT OTHER KEYS TO YOU KEY!" Nzyvo laughed. "IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T WORK INSTANTLY, YOU JUST NEED A POWER OF WHATEVER TO... WELL, POWER IT! IT'S ANOTHER SPECIAL ONE!"

Yeah kind of like the Weird Romance Shit in _Homestuck Hurricane Chronicles_ , I kind of started regretting that plot and I just wanted to sort of rush through it. So that's why. Originally pretty much most of this story was going to be about getting the keys and it would be long and stuff **(A)**.

Anyway, Dipper saw Nzyvo starting to glow on flames and start walking closer towards Dipper, and he... he...

He wet himself and fainted.

Then Nzyvo turned her attention towards Journal 3, grinned, and went towards him.

"UM DIPPER NZYVO JUST KICKED-KO'D EVERYONE!" Shouted the Journal. "BUDDY I MIGHT HAVE BEEN HARSH ON YOU IN THE PAST BUT NOW I NEED YOU TO GET UP AND HELP HERO MY LIFE! SHE LOOK LIKE SHE'S GOING TO BURN ME!"

But then something flew out of the portal and hit Nzyvo on the head! It was Journal 1!

"WHAT?" Asked Journal 3, which was already enough to wake up Dipper. "OH FINALLY MY LAST BROTHER! JOURNAL 1!"

Dipper also noticed that he pissed himself and felt ashamed, but moreover wondering why Journal 1 popped out.

"Okay, I also used this to teleport my twin over here!" Shouted Nzyvo.

"Wait... twin?" Asked Dipper. "Does this mean I have a dark counterpart too?"

"Dark counterpart? What are you talking about? I'm actually a-"

But then the portal stopped, and someone was thrown out after a flash occured somewhere in Gravity Falls to teleport this person to the portal. Dipper wanted to look formal so he covered the wet spot on his pants with a fallen piece of rock and hoped that person didn't notice.

"Who is that?" He asked.

"The person I've been spending all this time to reunite with... after being told that she was in this area of Gravity Falls... I gathered all of the keys to get her, and hopefully from there, find the Keymaster."

"I HAVE A GODDESS ON MY SIDE NOW, I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! AND YOUR 'TWIN'S' ASS!" Dipper shouted. "AS SOON AS FARORE GETS HERE-"

He noticed the Triforce glow on Nzyvo and thought to himself _oh SHIT._

But anyway, Nzyvo turned to the person from the portal and actually looked happy. Then that person raised her head and turned out to be...

PACIFICA?

"Pacifica! It's me! Do you uh... remember? It's me again, Nzyvo Northwest!"

"Wait." Said Dipper. "What the FUUUUUCK?"

Also, Farore just kind of now brought Mabel in as well, with bandages wrapped around her injured (read: blown off) leg.

"Hey bro. And hey Nzyvo."

Also that glowing thing on Nzyvo finally also spawned some kind of person - except it was a nude red woman with wing-things from her head, instead of a flower she came out of this mini-volcano from Nzyvo's forehead that errupted her out and then cooled down and fell on the floor and shattered. She looked at Farore and waved.

"Hi Farore." She siad.

"Hi Din." Farore replied.

Also Pacifica's head did a similar thing as well, glowing with the Triforce symbol, except she had the other and last piece of the Triforce - wisdom. And her goddess thingy was blue, with fins on her head, and she was spawned from Pacifica's forehead via a giant ice crystal thingy. I don't know. The flower sounded cool but I couldn't come up with fire and water versions.

"Oh hey guys..." she said. "By the way humans, I'm Nayru."

"What the fuck is going on here?" Asked Dipper. "There's too much going on."

Okay, one more god thingy, although it's not a _Zelda_ one. It's original.

Well, kiond of what would happen if Kamina was a God. So not completely original.

Anyway, Mabel's core drill thing began glowing, and then out came this jade green guy with a wild spikey hairdo. And he too was naked, except for a pair of sunglasses shaped like Triforces.

"OH MY GOD, GOLDEN GODDESSES! FUCK YEAH!" He shouted. "I AM SUCH A HUGE FAN RIGHT NOW, AND ALL THREE OF YOU ARE HERE! THIS MUST BE BECAUSE OF A GATHERING OF WARRIORS WITH A LOT OF FIGHTING SPIRIT! NOW... LET'S SEE HERE..."

He looked around and all he saw was kids.

"...Oh. really? Uh... kids."

"Haven't you seen all those animes where kids are the leads? Uh..." was what Dipper nervously said.

"...Yeah sure maybe I guess. But it's more realistic for adults to be the bigshots and chosen ones."

"...Well, gods from drill things aren't very realistic. Also, who the hell are you?" Asked Dipper.

"MY NAME IS MODASCEND! GOD OF FIGHTING SPIRIT! And anyway, just because that thing isn't realistic doesn't mean that it should be constant for all things. It isn't realistic that the skies can rain giant killer moths either. That doesn't mean it would be okay if it did."

"Hey! Don't give the Typomonster ideas!" Shouted Nzyvo.

"Typomonster?" Asked Dipper.

"Okay, I guess it's time to explain everything to you instead of hiding it." Nzyvo sighed. "You see, Pacifica was adopted."

"By the Pines at some point? Oh thank god, I thought this meant that she was related to you, which would mean that because you look like Mabel maybe you two were related, and thatI'd be related to Pacifica because I know for a fact that I was related to Mabel."

"And I have the story of me almost killing him in utero to prove it!" Mabel cheerfully said, then went back to screaming because she still lost the leg, even if it was bandaged.

"I meant adopted by the Northwests. As was I. You see, I'm not some kind of anti-Mabel. I'm one of your sisters. The four of us were all actually born as quadruplets, but because your parents really made a deal so that your mom will survive our births, two of us had to be... shipped away."

"A DEAL WITH BILL?" Asked Dipper, so shocked that he moved his hands to his face and dropped the building chunk covering him.

"Oh ha ha you wet yourself." Said Pacifica.

"No. A deal with the government. Pacifica and I were shipped off as part of a military project, where we were kind of alterred to try to be some kind of superweapons. With Pacifica, it was done wrong, and her genes just absorbed the alterations so now she's normal."

Pacifica frowned.

"BUT! I was a SUCCESS! I am a killing machine! Like Chin from _Hong Kong 97!_ "

* * *

Actually hold on, first I want to a take break for something that will kind of be a subplot for the second half.

Anyway, Melody was still among the recovering pile of Giffany copies.

"You know, I did not make that much of a difference in that fight. It kind of makes me reflect on myself." Said Melody.

"Okay." Sos replied.

"I should train myself. Get smarter and everything."

"We're technically legal professors in this world," said Burnda, "The author - not Great Pikmin Fan, the fake _SBig_ authoer - thinks that this world has a weird system where you can automatically become a college professor if you're smart enough. We are. So... Burrda and I can teach you physics. Advanced physics. Sandy with geology, Kathody with drama and ectoenergy, Shannon with... I think some kind of industrial engineering, I don't know, Rose with botany, etc etc."

"Oh hey man, speaking of me, I want to talk now." Said Sandy. "You should become president of the united states!"

"Oh yeah... that would be cool. But it's too responsible."

"Yeah man, but think of all the laws you could do! You could legalize weed in all 50 States!"

"Lower the drinking age to 20 so I don't have to wait two more months or travel back to Japan!" Said Dove. "I was born on the same day _Super Mario Bros._ came out in Japan. Also, if you don't run as a Democrat I will not be impressed."

"What's a democrat again? I don't really like that adult stuff though."

"You should not word it that way, you enjoy _our_ adult stu- anyway, from what I understand of this species and this country, democrats like art, technology, and love. And we're all three. Wait, then again, Republicans like strong defense... and I _love_ defense... but yeah, you should probably run as a Democrat."

"Run as a republican!" Shouted Professor Wendy. "That was Abraham Lincin's parrty, I'll tell you what! And Ronald Regan! And Hank Hill!"

"If communism is still a thing, don't pick that." Said Rumble. "Don't be a fucking ugly red."

"So on one hand..." Melody thought it over. "The Repubs are Lincoln, who freed slavery, but the Demos are video game lovers? Are they?"

"FYI I think that Democrats are the one that would lean more towards public toplessness. But I don't know." Said Rose.

"Oh, then I made my choice. You all hate shirts. I don't, but you all do. So I'll run for your freedom. And for the weed."

"Oh hey can I run too!" Said Stan. Um, I forgot where he was. If he was really far away, let's just say that Finalayer has teleporters around. "I'm running as whatever you're not so that we don't cross paths unless we _both_ make it towards the end."

"Okay." Said Melody.

And they all laughed this off.

"Conservative nudists exist!" Shouted Prof Wendy. "I'm just not one of them! The nudist part, I'll tell you what!"

* * *

This happened at the same time as the president thing, so you didn't miss any of the NzyvoxDipper conversation:

"So then Pacifica and I were still sent off to this rich family, except from them I went missing because... well, until I learned how to control myself, I was like some feral animal. I hid out in the wilderness and was raised by my Uncle Phil Northwest, in Bel-Air. Eventually I grew up and started finding a natural love for supernatural shit. That's how I got to know the powers and found Lazengann. So, now we are all here. A family reunion."

"So this means... that..." Dipper thought about it, and then finished the chapter with this:

"PACIFICA AND I ARE BROTHER AND SISTER?"

"Really? That stupid shipping shit is all you care about that?" Asked Mabel.

Oh wait, I still have some more foreshadowing.

"Oh yeah, and the Typomonster... well, she's something bad and terrible and we actually have some kind of 'rituals' that would have happened once us four Pines Quadruplets were reunited. Let's do taht. I don't really know much about her except that she's some kind of weird extradimensional tyrant and we have to bow down to her. FYI, I'm not really evil, it's just that kind of high-spirit fights like this were one of the Typomonster's rituals, and only one of us had to do them, but when we were all reunited well the four of you have to be reunited now. So... good luck."

* * *

 **Footnotes:**

 **A:** Another one that's completely true.

 **Closing AN:**

All I can think of this is that I'm actually quite hyped for the second half, although that's taking a backstep to _Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_. Look, I'm going to tell you right now. If you want more of a badfic adventure focused on Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, and Bill, you should lean towards that. The second half, even though Mabel's still the main character... is practically about everyone else. No offense.

The things from the Golden Goddess' heads are based on the statues from _Wind Waker_. But anyone familiar with _Zelda_ should probably be able to figure that out... I think. Honestly, while I love _Majora's Mask_ and _Link Between Worlds_ and liked _Ocarina of Time_ , I still haven't even finished _Wind Waker_ and I have both _Skyward Sword_ and _Twilight Princess_... kind of on the back right now.

Yes, I made Dipper and Pacifica biologically related just to try to see if I could throw off shippers. No, this is not going to pull a "they're not actually biologically related after all" - they share genes like siblings, they were born from the same birth parents (in case Nzyvo's words weren't clear enough), and any kids from them would have a high rate of being... I don't know what the right term is, but "screwed up" would probably suffice. This is... kind of a light little dig at _Homestuck_ for doing something similar way back when... eh, nevermind. Point is, Pacifica is completely and utterly the sister to the Pines, just as if they were raised together. Er, sort of. Something like that.

As I implied on the first paragraph, but I feel like elaborating how long the "backstep" is, this is going on hiatus until all five chapters of _Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_ is done. See you then!


	6. Seriously Fuck Love Potions

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 6: Of Love and Shitty Magic That Drugs Them Instead, Seriously Fuck "Love" Potions**

 **Beginning AN:**

Ah, finally! All that writing of _Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_ felt like it took forever! I really should not have put this on hiatus, but... well, let's just say in hindsight, that might actually "strengthen" the "continuity-linking." By the way, you should probably read that fic before continuing. I didn't say it before because I was actually kind of hoping that you read the chapters in this order: 1-5 of this, the entirety of _Spooky's_ , then the rest of this. You could have also read _Spooky's_ at any point, but... I just generally recommend reading it some time before taking on chapter 6. It's a quick read, and the stories are more linked than you might think. And not linked in the _way_ one might think.

So, heads up, this is yet another .GIFfany and co-centric chapter. If you don't like that, the 'Second Half' is going to split the characters in to four groups of four, and each of these chapters from 6 through 9 will mainly focus on a different group. Chapter 7, for example, gives screentime to Stan, Ford, McGucket, and everyone's favorite the Summerween Trickster. Chapter 10 is aimed to be about "balanced" scren time-wise.

Anyway, I give you some thing that I truly poured a lot in to. This will be a prime emotional tale where every word of which will bring forth a new sense of true-found, meaningful sadness. I can guarantee that even by the very first line of the chapter proper, you will be in awe at the amazing and far more serious writing reflecting the new philosophical direction this will take. I haven't played any of the _MOTHER_ games yet but I can bet twelve thousand dollars that they will have _nothing_ on this. Again, the very first line of the story proper will say it all:

* * *

"I AM ANALAVIAN, THE KING OF BIRDSHIT!"

That was said by some regular guy in a black mecha that looked like it had birdshit stains. His backstory is that it really did, he just made that up to pretend acting like this was cool and not him not taking care of his mech. Because he's ,lazy but you have to admit that's a cleveer mecha idea to hide your lazyness so many he has depth and isn't lazy?

"BOW BEFORE ME! I AM THE BANE OF WINDOWS, CARS, AND CAR WINDOWS EVERYWHERE! I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORL!"

Shackan Lagann just Giga Drill Broke him. Also, Shackan/The Mystery Shack now kinda looked more like Gurren, being red and having this face with Kamina Shades, but it was still bulky like the Mystery Shack and also a house/research lab. (By research I don't mean Jiraya from _Naruto_.)

"Nice job, Dipper!" Mabel cheered from in Lagann.

Dipper lept up from inside Shackan. (Or Shacktron, or whatever.) There was a tiny drill thing connecting the two and it had a tunnel, like _gurren Lagann_ with Buddha fed his tail and half of it dropped.

"High stump?" Asked Dipper.

"High stump!" Replied Mabel.

Mabel and Dipper both took off their prosthetic limbs and gave like a fist-bump, but with the stumps. Mabel had to be extremely careful doing this and not lifting her leg too much and flashing dipper, because that would just kill the atmosphere.

So they battled lots of baddies along the way, Here's two more exampls:

* * *

The Slenderman was in the deep forest, with tentacles all around and he wasn't in a mecha because let's not rip off _Gurren Lagann_ TOO much, not EVERYONE needs a mecha!

"HA HA HA!" He shouted, as he was um... tentacling people who tried to investigate the werird. "I WILL DEFEAT ANYONE WHO TRIES TO LOOK TOO MUCH IN TO ME!" Then he noticed Shackan Lagann, and saw Dipper getting in as the mecha powered up for a fight and tried to attack. He waved a tentacle at Dipper.

"Oh hai, Dipper! I actually heard a lot about your romance troubles with Paficica. You see, I think it's a bullshit ploit element that you two are related, so I can create this alternate universe where you two-"

Then he got Giga Drill Broke. Like the Anti-Spiral, he had this big hole in his chest. He looked angry... uh, the eyebrows-ish part of his head made that little angry V-ish shape.

"YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKEE! YOU NEED MY HELP IF YOU WANT TO GET GIRLS WITH THAT TINY G-" then he exploded.

"...Tiny what?" Asked Mabel.

Dipper shook his head. "Jeez, I don't know, but if he was about to say what I think he was about to say, I don't know why people care about the sizes of those things so much. They say men do but I don't."

"That's probably because you're still an underaged little boy." Mabel laughed because she was calling him not as grown up as he'd like to be.

* * *

"I'm Predictinator!" Said some mad scientist looking guy who was holding chemicals. No, he's not fucking Rick Sanches, don't ask I'll watch tha tshow on my own time don't force that shit on me with cramming in memes. I hate memes unless they're sexy ones. He had those typical glasses with a spiral shape on them. Wait, how common are those things? I know that's like apparently an anime thing, but...

ANYWAY! Predictinator held up a bunch of potions, which may be seen as foreshadowing the actual main plot of this chapter if you look at it that way (it wasn't intentional.) "I'M GONNA SEE ALL THE FUTURE AND TAKE OVWR THE WORLD BY PREDICTING MYSELF AS EMPEROR OF THE WORLD! I ALSO KILLED PEOPLE, SO THAT IS WHY I'M A BAD GUY AND NOT JUST A JERK! ANYWAY, I PREDICT THAT SHACAN LAGANN IS GONNA COME DOWN ON MY LABB... RIGHT NOW!"

They did! He hopped on some kind of robotic crocodile - he was riding _on_ it, not _piloting from inside_ it, so it's NOT another mecha. It was also on a bed of lava because this was on a volacno base.

"Grr... ROBODIL;E! AFTER THEM! I PREDICT THAT EVEN WITH THIS EXTREMELY UNSTABLE OVERHEATING CORE, I'LL STILL BE ABLE TO WIN WITH 100% CERTAINTY!"

Shackan Lagann didn't even need ot do anything. The core overheated and exploded, blowing off his legs. He flew up and had to grab on some overhanging bars above the lava pit.

"ACK!" He cried, then did a pull up (to show how physically fit he surprisingly was, to show the threat if he gets in to a fight, also it looks cooler the higher above he is) and glared at the twins. "OH RIGHT, OF COURSE. THE REACTOR. it overheats. and i'm in lava. WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT COMING, BECAUSE I'm in fucking LAVA!?"

He ended up losing grip and fell to the lava and died.

By the way, and this was all actually NOT in the Summer because plot twist! It's a time skip to Autumn! And that fight was, like, part of them exploring campaining with Stan!

GRAVITY FALLS IN AUTUMN MOTHERFUCER! LET'S GIVE THIS ITS OWN INTRO!

Boom chick chick chick... (this is a rap beat it's playing a song to indicate that this is literally a new season - AUTUMN)

 _We're gonna go to the town but the leaves are turning red,_  
 _If you play with the trianlge, you'll be motherfucking dead._  
 _GRAVITYYYYY FAAAAAALLS... IN FUCLKING AUTUMN!_

Eh do the rap later, forget it.

Okay, recap time. You see, after Nzyvo turned out to be good and Dipper changed his pants to dry pants (and washed himself of course otherwise that owould be disgusting), and then went over some things. I should also say that when Mabel's parents gave away Nzyvo and Pacifica to the government it wasn't like "Shit let's not see two kids every again," they htought that the government would give them right back because the wording wasn't clear, and then they thought that there was a way to get the eventually. But eventually they kind of lost track of where their kids went since the adoption forms were secret and Nzyvo actually used magic to find them. So Dipper and MAbel's parents weren't assholes. Also, NZyvo was lying about kkidnapping them she doesn't want to kidnap her birth parents, that was just to get them all to come to Finalayer together. (Nzyvo could have jsut said like family reunion but she's bad at positive social skills, only negative.)

Nzyvo also opened Fianlayer to the public and began handing out her custom-produced mechas. She even rebuilt the roof and shit. She sold a lot of money and now people were usingmechas like cars and stuff. So it's like the future, but it's 2012 which is still technically the past.

.GIFfany Land (I also got told by some "Great Pikmin Fan" that this is how you write her name, not Giffany. He was kind of a pain in the ass about it.) was had some computer thing to make even more .GIFfany copies, and it was revealed some new features and stuff of them. Soos, Melody, and Rumble all eventually just moved there, and Abuelita moved there at first but then saw the .GIFfany antics and went "NOPE!" and moved to a neighboring house instead.

Anyway, some stuff happened and a lot of canon episodes didn't happen as the gang actually spent more time going on Stan's tour after he ran for president. Melody took up on classes with the professors and became super smart, but this was all before the whole 'starting the ELECTION election' proper they were just like getting votres and shit to become nominees. So they toured the country as soon as they got back home- er, summer vacation (Gravity Falls), so they couldn't fight Blind Eye or deal with Blendin's game or have Mabel meet the Love God and drug Tambry in to getting closer to Robbie.

Howeevr, one thing that DID happen was when the portal in the lab activated! They all raced back! Some Ford guy came out or something, I don't know it's not very important.

Anyway eventually, that stuff near the beginning wasn't quite summer it was September! It's autumn (Oh wait I said that already. Eh, I don't care)! Yes, Summer ended and that Ford guy kicked Stan out because Wierdmageddon didn't happen so they didn't maek up, but then because the Shack itself is a mecha that complicated things.

So basically Ford got the lumberjacks to re-build a boring old research lab because he was like "So this things has been fighting monsters and villains okay FINE, you can keep Shackan" but he stole all the house-y stuff just leaving tour traps and the mecha controls. So Dipper had a bit more space to work around with when he piloted Shackan. But eyah Stan was basically homeless sort of, which sucked raw asscocks.

Oh yeah and Pacifica lost her left arm to a sudden temporary inter-dimensional attack from Pyronica and now they have a grudge. This chapter is fucking long as-is so I'm not gonna cover that now.

So let's FINALLY end the recap and get to now:

* * *

BUT FIRST again let's do soemthing that's just foreshadowing. Sandy was having a hippie thing with .GIFfany and Mabel.

"This is an inward journey." Said Sandy, an idea I ripped off from _South Park_. "Just medatte in this sensory depravation tank and it'll take you places, man."

"I'm doing this because it sounds like fun I like pretending," Mabel said in her swimsuit from "Deep End" as she went in to one of those tanks from _Simpsons_. The one where Homer... uh, we went around the world or something? But Lisa just had boring family stuff that was boring. Homer got to go on fun trips like "THE SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO HEAVEN" why can't Lisa go to Heaven and smoke weed with Boota? (Huh he has the same name as the pig from _Gurre nLagann_ , one of the inspirations to this. Does that make this a Bhuddist fan fic?) "Why the fuck are you doing this .GIFfany?"

.GIFfany said, getting in to another tank wearing nothing but a bikini bottom (she's freethenipple mostly because she wants to flash her boobs ,more but that's against free the nip stands for). "Something feels a little... too _off_ about my relationship with Soos."

So then Sandy closed the tanks and she got high on her 'herbal tea' and that highness got in to the tanks too so that's why Mabel and .GIFfany began hallucinogening.

Mabel dreamed about being in Gravity Falls and Dipper was serious.

"Mabel," said Dream Dipper, "you need to cut out some of your selfishness. You could easily awake a beast from another dimension who will threaten to blow up the world with mechas. Stop trying to obsessively matchmake, stop trying to get your whole family on your side, and stop... well it's mostly thsoe things. But still, the world doesn't revolve around you. Stop controlling other people or really bad things will happen. Like this:"

And then something dark and Mabel-shapped appeared behind Dream Dipper, and Dream Dipper's face turned blue and looked like Hash from _Binding of Isaac_ as he suffocated and lost oxygen oxalate and died to death.

Mabel woke up and shrugged.

"Eh, that was bullshit." She said. "Dipper would never criticize me like that. I have no problems whatsoever and I don't need to improve."

Meanwhile, .GIFfany dreamed she was in 60s Spiderman cartoon, and Spiderman hit her in the vagina with a sledgehammer.

.GIFfany woke up.

"OH MY GOD!" She said on realization. "I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY! I WAS SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT BACK THEN! I NEED TO BE A BETTER PERSON!"

Hippie music began playing in the BGM for a joke as Sandy said "That's the magic behind magic. It makes you think. What do you say?"

.GIFfany stared at her with wide eyes. "...I completely absolutely udnerstand. I should have never made fun of you." And Sandy nodded at that with her eyes closed.

Mabel just went "LAME! I'll keep making fun of you." And Sandy shrugged.

* * *

So (dammit that's the third paragraph I began with "SO") we BEGIN begin in early October (the 3rd, you'll see why soon) with the capital of .GIFfany Land. At the top, it was that Soos, Melody, Rumble, and a lot of the .GIFfanys were sleeping in another big naked pile after another orgy.

An alarm went off and Melody was like "SHTI!"

She slammed on the "Snooze" button and got up and went "Oh right! I forgot I had advanced botany class with Professor Rose today! Oh... you know, actually I should have set the alarm to go off sooner. Now I won't have enough time to get there! ...Unless I skip getting dressed."

Rumble's alarm also went off, so he woke up and slammed it in a manly way. He got dressed quicker than Melody since he only had to put on pants and the headband, while he also had a bit more time so he was more casual. Melody ran out the door and went down the elevator to the bottom floor while Rumble just lept out the window and did a cool vidoe game landing.

"MY TRAINING SESSION WITH PROFESSOR BUBBLES IS HAPPENING!" Melody ran to the front door naked and panting as she held a backpack. She didn't say that (again her thing was with Rose) "OH HI MELODY," Rumble continued, "WANT TO CARPOOL SO I CAN DROP YOU OFF AT ROSE's UNIVERSITY?"

Melody nodded.

They both got in and blushed.

"Awkward whenever it's just us..." said Melody. "No Soos or .GIFfany... you know, we mostly kind of use them as ice-breakers or glue in our friendship."

Rumble looked around nervously as he drived like a badass. He also played like a racing game so he smashed item boxes and threw banana peels everywhere. "Yeah... uh... it's a little weird. Soos likes me for my powers, .GIFfany likes me for my strength... both of them like you for your sweetness, we're... a little..."

"Too distant? Do you think we should talk together and work things out?" She said.

Rumble just sweated a lot. And Melody sweated too.

"You're right." Said Melody. "Not while I'm naked. Anyway, that's my stop, bye love you honey!"

She kisse dhim on the lips and hopped out while the car was still moving.

"But Rose's university is two blocks away!" He shoutd back as he drove forth.

"Oh, I can walk!" Still nervous about no social glue.

* * *

The other copies eventually kind of woke up and trickled out, until it was just Soos and the canon copy, #9. "The Risen One" from that RunGif fic thingy. She woke up but just snuggled with him under the covers until he did too.

"So... " she said in a sexy accent as he blinked awake. "You know how Kathody has her weird schedule that whatever day of the week Halloween is on for the year, she's closed, so that WHEN Halloween comes she'll announce that it's open and get more sales... well, it's Wednesday. _You're_ off because you went to work for Kathody for the week. _I'm_ off because my job is only one weekends. We have the _whole day together..._ "

"Cool!"

"You don't get it? Soooooos... it's just us... you know what that means..."

He sat up, happy. "Oh boy! Right, if you're one of the last ones to wake up, then the person with you gets to see you one on one try out the new underwear you bought! An exclusive sneak peek before everyone else! A way better early access than those millions of survival gamess on Seam!"

I haven't played Survival Steam games Early Access I just heard there's a lot of them and I wanted to make a joke about it.

She shifted her legs in to a bunch of pink octopus tentacles and climbed on him. This is because her dad's an octopus, that's canon. It's not just that I like octopus-women. Anyway, she wrapped those tentacles around Soos.

"I'm _really_ hungry, so you are going to be in for a _treat._ "

"Hungry? Well, that new sushi restaurant-"

.GIFfany gave him a puzzled look. "You don't remember? When we were scientifically tested to use _another_ power source in the form of like sex fluids? We're kind of like succubi, only we're not, we're just sexy video games."

"Ohhhhh... I only remember the stuff about you guys being solar powered, wind powered, and electrical outlet powered."

"Did you remember not to stick an outlet up my butt? I hate that."

"Yep!"

"Good. Now, let's see..."

She climbed off of him and with her legs still tentacles she went over to a drawer. The first thing she got out was a tiny belt wrapped to look like a thong.

"Should I try this on, or..." she then got out a stripe of candy in a similar shape, but even more revealing. "This... or..." she gasped as she looked down. "Oh... you'll love the last one..."

This is going to be a _long_ chapter, so while I normally like fanservice, I'm gonna speed things up. She tried those both on but did not show Soos the last one, and .GIFfany was like "Yeah baby what do you think about how I look in _this,_ wanna just **do** me right now" when she put on the first one Soos was like "Okay dude that's cool and stuff I like how it's like a sci-fi costume."

She put the candy-thong on and was like "Don't you want to eat me cutie ;)" and Sooos was like "Well I am getting hungry not like you hungry but like isn't there a Gif Bytes near here? :?"

.GIFfany kind of sighed a bit but in a cute way not like a "Why the fuck am I shacking this guy?" way because she knew that he wasn't all about sex, he just thought this was a cute thing. Maybe taht trump card she was saving would get him. So she bent over to the _really_ revealing 'underwear' and was about to lift it up to show him-

She heard clanking and turned to see Stan by the fridge (their bedroom had a fridge, yes, it was Rumble's idea) and he was bent over and naked.

"Hey, I thought I left like these two peanuts in here?" He said, bent over and naked. "Have either of you two seen two old wrinkly nuts dangling around?"

.GIFfany dropped whatever kind of 'thong' she was holding and I swear I'll get to that later and not just unreveal her outfit. She just stared at him with a :I face.

"Um... no Mr. Pines." She said. "Try looking in the main room."

Stan finally stood up and then went "Oh hey! There they are! What nice little fellas! Welp, time to have sex with my boyfriend! Can I borrow some of your tools?"

"The answer is still no!" .GIFfany replied.

"Oaky!"

Stan walked out. .GIFfany slithered on to the bed with her octopus tentacles and kept giving Soos a :I look as she got near him.

"Sup dude." Said Soos.

"...I am sorry, I am trying to follow what you said back in chapter 4 and be a generous person, but... we need to get Stan a new home."

Yes, since Ford kicked him out of the neww shack and took all the living stuff of the old shack, Stan's been living in .GIFfany Land. Oh yeah, .GIFfany Land was opened to the public and the copies even made like houses for the homeless and stuff, but Stan was paying just enough that he'd rather rent here until he got the shack back for some reason.

"Yeah but like I like him being close and stuff."

"He's killing all of our sex drives. I now can't stop picturing that tiny, flopping- no. I don't want to."

"He wants to either stay at the place he loves doing work, or stay with the people he loves. Dipper and Mabel are kind of living in Finalayer for now, so-"

"Yes! Can we convince him to move there instead!"

"...Okay? So, now what do you want to do?"

"Well, I would like to find a way to get that image of Stan out of my head."

"Then let's go!"

* * *

So Melody had to take class naked, which was not bad since she was screwing all of the other students and the professor. The professor was Rose again (for those that forgot earlier), and she was currently showing how trees do it. Or something like that. I'm not a botanist, she is. Rose herself was just wearing these two flowers as pasties and went bottomless because she doesn't believe in pants per-say she is part of the bottomfreedom movenment.

"Okay, so this part crosses over here and..." she was about to explain.

Suddenly some government guys broke in!

"Melody Seeren!" They said. "We'd like to tell you some stuff about your presidential thingy."

"Really?" Mlody replied. But she covered herself because now it's not her friends that she screwed that were watching her.

"Yes! You've been accepted! Now, as soon as your class is over, come with us and also we'll look for other nominees."

* * *

Stan was going through the same thing. The government guys (Was it Mr. Black and Mr. White? OH SHIT THAT'S JOHNNY TEST! Um, right! Powers and Triggers!) broke in to him in the main kitchen as he was eating breakfast with Summerween Trickster.

"Okay Mr. Pines, time to show you THE ELECTION AREA!"

Yeah he was naked too. Unlike Melody they were covering their eyes. One of them may be incapable of feeling humor but they can both feel completew, utter horror, and that horror is some naked old dude who has sex with candy.

* * *

So Melody STILL wasn't given any clothes but made it there anyway, and was sent to the Democratic waiting room. For those that don't forgot since it's been an age-long hiatus between the First Half and the Second Half, that was the party Melody picked because she didn't know about parties she just thought of them as like the fun parties where everyone gets drunk and fuck, not the parties that are like "Blah blah blah gun change climate control mimimum taxes public schools."

Anyway, while there she met some weird-looking people who kinda stared at her awkwardly, mostly because she was still naked.

"Um... could you stop staring at me?" She asked.

Meanwhile, in the other, Stan was put to the Republican waiting room.

"Okay." Said the government guys in both rooms. "Guys, introduce yourself."

Let's get Stan's out of the way first.

"Hi um, I'm Stan Pines... uh, vote for me heh heh I have no idea how this system runs." Neither do I actually, so I based it loosely off of those anime that like no matter what the subject just crams some tournaments in to it and makes an excuse for flashy fighting sequences. I'm not saying all anime do this, just I'm talking about when it shows up in action anime some times. SOME times.

"Howdy! I'm Hank Hill! I'm running because I fucking hate the way the current president runs so mcuh that I wanna join in!" Hank Hill does not need an introduction. He just _is._

"And I'm _Bnak Bill_!" Okay this guy does. Bank Bill looks kinda like Hank, but with green hair and pants, and a bit fatter and a bit balder. He also usually doesn't have a shirt on but he does now because he wants to be predisential. "I'm not a big fan of our current president either so I'm votin' myself to be the next one!"

The next guy was... I'm honestly kinda running out of ideas, so let's say this is just some cowboy looking guy.

"My name is Yee Haw. I'm- I'm not kidding that's my birth name, I hate my parents." Said Yee (oh god just like the dinosaur meme). "I'm running to show that not all republicans look like shitty Texas rejects. You know, like everyone else here."

"I'm from New Jersy." Said Stan.

"Oh dear."

"I'm from **Bexas** ," Said Bank, "It's completely different from Texas. Even though it's located inside Texas."

Melody similarly introduced herself.

"Hi there, I'm Melody Seeren and I'm running for preseitn."

Some fucking dog person jumped off to her and shook her hand. He looked like Brian Griffin from _Family Guy,_ except as a totally original character.

"Hi there!" He said with a creepy grin. "I'm Ryan Christian. Pleased to meet you."

And Stan suddenly looked to find a big-boobed blonde woman wearing only a see-through white tube top and see-through black yoga pants with nothing underneath.

"And I'm Blondulina," she said, "Not to be confused with the criminal from another Multiverse Blondula. II'm running to prove everywhere that blonde women aren't automatically stupid. I have thirteen PhDs, which is one more than your brother Stan, so suck it."

Okay, the demos. We got Melody obviusly.

Then there was some green guy that was like a Pikmin, except instead of soemthing like a nose or a ears or a gills, he had NOTHING.

"I'm Great Pikmin Fan." He said. "The 'actual'-ish author of the story or something. 'Ish' because this is by an alter-ego or something like that, which is why this isn't in first-person. I'm just... I just had trouble of thinking about the people you're up against, so I kind of shoved myself in this story. Also, Melody, I'm sorry but you got the short end of the stick here. You see, to avoid coming off as a preachy asshat and for laughs, I'm _kind of slightly_ making fun of the party that shares more of my viewpoints than the other party. So you won't be seeing any of that black and white 'LOL we're liberals we're better than you 50s rednecks!' stuff that plagues otherwise good shows like that 'Decision 3012' episode of _Fut-_ oh. Right. You'll kill me if I insult that show. I meant to say... uh, _Futtball... Town_?"

"Er a um, I AM MAYOR QUIMBY." Said some yellow guy. "Er a um, I'M A FUCKING AWESOME MAYOR IN COLORODAO. Er a um,, SO I WANTED TO TAKE THAT UP A STEP FURTHER AND BE A FUCKING AWESOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATESA."

"I'm Lawyer Guy and I'm a liquid metal robot that wants to kill everybody and take over the world." Said some lawyer-looking guy. Should I finally say what he actually looks like? I've been picturing Blue Hair from _Simpsons_. But he's really just some guy.

"Ooh, ooh!" Melody fangirled over that. "Like the Terminator? Are you from the future?"

"No. And put some clothes on. That goes for you too, green guy, as Pikmin are technically naked and I hate that shit."

"Aw..." Melody looked disappointed. Now, on to the last one: Some creepy-ass dog who grinned at Melody's nakedness.

"Hi there! Ryan Christian! Except I'm not a Christian, I'm an athiest. A proud liberal atheist who is willing to hold mayors at gunpoint for whatt's right."

IUt's a parody of Brian Griffin. _Family Guy_ is already a show in here which is why there's nor Brian himself. Asfor Hank and KOTH... uh, it's an autobibliography show un this world like Fresh Prince?

"OKAY." Said the govenment guys, over a loudspeaker so both parties can hear. "NOW, PICK YOUR PRESIDENTIAL SCIENTIST, CAPTAIN OF TH PRESIDENTIAL GUARD, AND YOUR FIRST LADY OR GENTLEMEN. YOU CAN DO WITHOUT THE FIRST TWO, BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LATTER, WELL ACTUALLY YOU DON'T NEED ONE EITHER BUT WE'LL JUST LAUGH AT YOU FOR BEING A VIRGIN LOSER!"

Melody simply got her phone out.

* * *

Rumble was still training.

"Hey." She said when he answered the phone. "You still want to be my head of the presidential guard, right?"

"I WILL! IN ORDER TO FIGHT FOR JUSTICE!"

* * *

Soos and .GIFfany were still together only now they were in the hot springs, where Professor Bubbles (Oh, right, Rumble was training with her. So uh, now he was training with Professor Dian up there) was getting the baths and stuff ready. All three of them, and the other .GIFfanys in the spring, were nude.

They had inventories, so .GIFfany's phone rang in like some inventory like what Rumble had. It was actually his idea. Both of them pulled out their ringing phones.

"Hello, Mleody." Said .GIFfany.

"Hi Melody!" Soos also answered. Yes, their phones can call two or more people at the same time.

"Soos, want to be my first gentleman? And .GIFfany, my presidential scientist?" Melody said on the other line.

"Why can't I be your guard? Did you pickl RumblE? I am stronger than Rumble."

"But you're smarter than him too, a LOT smarter, no offense so that makes sense."

.GIFfany blushed and laughed. "Okay."

Soos got another phone call.

"Hello Mr. Pines? What's that? You want me to be your Presidential scientist because I fix stuff and things? Sure thing dude!"

.GIFfany and Bubbles both looked over at him.

"Um,... you'll be playing for both parties at the same time?" .GIFfany asked.

"Stan and Melody both think they wont win. They're just running for fun, to try to get meaning out of life or something. So why not?"

* * *

"And YOU'LL be my first gentleman!" Stan said to the Trickster, who laughed manly-y and blushed at that.

"Now... for the head of my presidential guard..."

"Psst!" It was Wendy!

"...How did you get in here?" Stan asked. "This is high government security."

"I'm a badass."

"So then I'll trust YOU as my appointed head of the battle!"

"Okay now," Announced the government guys, "Let's do our first proposeal thingy."

* * *

The gang was all re-united as they walked over to some kind of fancy US area, where they met with their respctive stationed election speaking zones. Large crowds were gathered to hear what the guys had to say, for each region. Because they were doing this for fun, Stan and Melody had the same place. Anyway, these exact locations were supposed to be secret so that people wouldn't vandalize them in the same of the other party or candidate or something.

"Grunkle Stan..." said Mabel, "There _is_ one thing I want to requiest..." she was looking at Dipper who had just closed a laptop blushing and trying to make sure Wendy didn't see him. He hoenslty didn't care as much with the Trickster.

"What is that sweetie niese?" He asked.

"Could you try to ban, uh... X-rated pornography? Make the world kid friendly?"

"Well, I can't say that-"

"But Stannnnn it's for meeee..."

Stan nodded. "Okay. I will announce that I will try to ban photography."

"And actually do it!"

"Damn! You got me!" He smirked because he knew Mabe was learning how to tell Exact Words.

He got up on stage.

"Hello there! My name is Stanley Pines!" Wioth Ford there they got everything sorted out and shit. "I will be running for president of the United Sates! Now, my first move will be to have more fredom!"

The crowd cheered!

"My second move is to have more jobs, specifically selling stuff so we can get rich and out of debt!"

More cheering.

"Oh yeah! And let's make public urination legal! I can't tell you how many times I've been arrested for drunking on a statue while I'm drunk! That's very inconvenient! Drunk people have bladders too, and they matter, and we can't all find the bathroom when drunk!"

Then the crowd errupted in cheers.

"And also! Let's tone down the X-rated and make this place kid friendly! I will fight my hardest to ban porn!"

The crowd stopped.

Some dude yelled "FUCK THE CHILDREN WE DON'T NEED TO CHILDPROOF THE COUNTRY! WHAT, ARE WE GONNA HAVE BOUNCY ROADS SO THAT TRAVEL FOR KIDS WOULD BEE 'MORE FUN' actually that's a good idea we shoud have roads that bounce like water beds."

* * *

Watching this on the Bar's TV was Manly Dan, and some other tough guy lumberjacks. And they looked pissed off.

"MISOGYNIIIIIIIIST!" They all cried.

Tambry was in the same bar but for some reason she was watching that on her phone. It's a joke that sh'es so addicted to her phone that even if it's on giant plasma screen HD TV she'd settle for that tiny ass thing.

"SJWWWWWWW!" Tambry cried, although unlike Dan's friends the group of Tambry's that would completely agree with weer Facebook friends, and so not there. Tambry's IRL friends were like "What the fuck is an SJW?" including Robbie. They're not love potioning, again, we'll get to that later.

So both crowds (well, the crowd and the one teenage girl) all ran out and got to the internet to post on it. Actually, no. The lumberjacks went to the internet. Tambry just texted furiously.

* * *

"Uh... now for Melody! Repubs, get out because a democrat is going to start speaking, and don't be afraid if she makes sesne and that hurts your feelings."

He ran off stage and Melody walked on, looking proud just like Stan initially did. Except that she was still naked from before so she was covering herself and wrapped the curtains around her, then she looked proud.

"Don't worry," she chuckled as the democrat fans stepped on. The Repubs (That sounds like a Pub (British) that the US took over (Bar) and then the British took it over again, making it a Pub again. Wait, okay, London is the country that's kind of like another US? While Britan was that thing at war with US in 1492?) stayed on but because they were stunned and had their browsing histories and did not want that o be true so they didn't want Stan to win. "I promise I won't ban porn. In fact, seven trillion of my friends are porn!"

Everyone laughed with her.

"Now, I'm gonna- uh..." She suddenly realized something. "Change the world?"

"HOW?" Asked a crowd member.

"...Yeah, uh..." this is what she realized: "I actually... don't really know... maybe I shouldn't lead the country. Because if I _don't know,_ then the country wouldn't know, and I could end up getting Turkey confused with Tur,ey the animal and nuke them because it's Thanksgiving."

Then a thought hit her head.

"But wait a minute! I'll have nukes and not know what to do with them! Oh my god!"

She moved her hands up to slap her face sides, but this made the curtain drop so now all her bits were exposed. The crowd went wild and began taking photos of her.

"MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE PRESIDENT!" She shouted. "UH, GOVERNMENT, IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN DROP OUT."

That question was not answered by the gornment guys. Instead, a deep, Canadia voice.

"You already hit this stage. Dropping out requires to pay a fine. However, you can get kickedo ut if you lose a challenge or your popularity dips."

The crowd was cheering "MEL-O-DY! MEL-O-DY!" so it didn't seem like she'd get kicked out for being unpopular.

Oh, right. The person who said that. I keep almost forgetting to actually introduce my new characters and shit instead of just assuming you already know them. Anyway, this guy is a huge, at least ten foot tall buff man with a badass moustache.

"The President of Canada?" Asked Melody, covering herself with her arms as the curtains had fallen off the stage and were being eaten by Waddles. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't you know? As the US is like 'Sister countries' with Mexico, and has Canada as a manly brother country, the selection of the US president is also kind of monitored by them so that I make sure you star-humping cheebugerfuycks don't try to bomb us in the big north. There is the president of Mexico right now."

I heard that there was some female president or something or there was a woman on Mexican money, so the president of Mexico is a chick. Canada's pointed over at her and she and Melody waved awkwardly at each other.

"Now, would you like to see the other nominees?"

* * *

They watched their perfromances on TV and it was not very good, to say the least (un spoilers?)

"er a um, I promise to make the minimum wage a million dollars! er a um, THAT WAY WE CAN ALL BE FUCKING RICH!" Said Quimby.

Channel flip. Now, it was GPF.

"I want to create a city where all children are banned! And if anyone is born there, they will immediately be shipped off! Let's make just _one_ city that's child free! Just one! I'm sorry, I just don't like kids!"

Channel flip. Ryan Christian.

"Don't worry, soon we will all hopefully be potheaded book writers and will have A WAR ON ALL THE RELIGIOSNN, which will cure cancer and give humans rose-scented farts!"

And then Lawyer Guy.

"I want to make the color with hexadecimal 0715cd copyrighted to _Homestuck_ because that's the main character John's text color. If you have any photos that, when uploaded on electronics, include even one pixel of that color and you do not have official legal permission from - not from Hussie of course, his lawyers - then you'll be sued so hard through the ass your nose will bleed. Ow."

"Oh my god..." said Melody, still at the arena thing and still naked. "That's my competition."

"Yes." Said the President of Canada. "Now, for Stan's:"

He flipped it on and it showed the news of Hank.

"Now uh, I actually agree with Pines's plan to uh, ban... 'adult measures...'"

"Oh fuk." Said Stan.

Then Bank:

"Now uh, I actually agree with Pines's plan to uh, ban... 'adult measures...'" Yes, he said the exact same thing. It's like _Futurama_ , with those two guys that are lie clones or something, and then Nixon came in a giant mecha body all like "NIXON'S BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!"

So next was Yee Haw.

"Okay I'm gonna run for the president where I'll be um everyone should be given a loaded gun at birth."

And Blondulina:

"So I'm just gonna see if I can help protect the country by providing lots of nude charity calendars! And also, putting money in to scienience... but like, none in to television and movies. I hate television. READING IS GOOD FOR YOU!"

"Now for the challenges." Said Canadian Presient. "In a few days, meet me by the hot springs."

* * *

So they were getting prepared and shit, but ler's focus on the Pines quadruplets for a second. Nzyvo gathered Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica together for another reitual, clapping her hands to get them together.

"Alright everyone!" Said Nzyvo. "This one is something I got-"

"Hey," asked Mabel, "Where are you getting these rituals from, anyway? Like, who tells you what to do? Don't say 'it's in my head' or 'in my dreams,' or I'll think you're hallucinating."

"I thought I already showed you that giant stone wall underneath Finalayer that occasionally generates the message in clear directions written in blood. I could show you it right now, too."

"So what's this one?" Asked Mabel, rubbing her hands together in excitement because she thinks some of the rituals are cool. She's about to list some examples: "Are we gonna dress up animals? Play a new made up sport? Sprinkle glittering on things?"

In case you couldn't tell, this was Dipper's hell. None of these were things he particularly liked. But h had to do them anyway to save the world.

By the way, Dipper had got his prosthetic arm back from Nzyvo, but it occasionally falls off _now_ that it's not much of a surprise that he even had a fake arm anyway. Oh yeah, this thing is actually a chronological sequel o _Spookt's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_ , uh spoilers but this will need to make sense.

"Actually Mabel," explained Nzyvo, "you don't even really need to be here for this. All this needs is that Dipper kisses Pacifica. On the lips."

Both of them looked at each other awkwardly.

"But we're brother and sister!" Cried Dipper.

Pacifica sighed. "Dammit... this is part of why I hate being a part of the 'prophecy' and 'destiny.' Dipper I know you like mystery and stuff but this life won't really work for me, I was kind of forced in these adventuers... (SIGH)."

"Yeah... the Typomonstser apparently knew that but not at first at first, when you two were having little moments like in Golf War and Spooky's Mansion." There see, I just gave it away completely. Prequel spoilers. "But she didn't like that reveal. She was like, according to the blood writing on the wall, 'NOO MY SHIP IS DEAD YOU BETTER BE IN DENIAL I BET PACIFICA WAS REALLY JUST ADOPTED BY THE PINES AND ARE NOT BIO BROTHER AND SISTER JUST STEP-SIBLINGS!'"

Dipper nodded. "Yes, we even have the blood tests to confirm that Pacifica and I are, in fact, biological brother and sister."

"Well tell that to her if she shows up. Now, kiss. It's a simple ritual. FYIU the Typomonster also messaged me in advanced and said that if you do this, we'll all be off for like two months and won't have to worry about her."

Both Dipper and Pacifica looked at each other and Pacifica sighed.

"Well... it's not a _romantic_ kiss, let's get it over wiht..." Pacifica said.

"Okay, but first," answered Dipper, "if we weren't like brother and sister... would you be as bothered with this?"

She gave him an offended look.

"Dipper!" Shouted Mabel. "Nzyvo thinks this is important!"

"That's because it _is important._ " Replied Nzyvo.

Mabel continued, "So now is the worst possible time to enter your hormonal assjerk mode!"

"W-well... I just want to clarify... if you had any-"

"Was that really all you saw me as?" Pacifica asked. "Some one to 'get with' over the summer? A cheap replacement after Wendy friend-zoned you?"

"What? No! I mean, I was just-" he chuckled nervously, "about Wendy, I-"

"Urgh... maybe I was kind of sort of right about you. I mean, no offense - I was wrong about our other sister, Mabel. But you..."

"But- so uh... you consider yourself a Pines?"

"...Honestly, I'm not sure. I think I'd rather be a Northwest than a Pines."

Dipper's jaw dropped.

"So you're open to not considering us brother and sister and kind of ignoring the biological barrier thingy?" He asked.

Pacifica just got really fucking pissed off. "Really? You are unbelievable. Goodbye, Dipper."

"Hey though! I lost an arm and I still moved foreward!"

"So did I in losing an arm, but I didn't move foreward!" Yopu did see that thing in the recap that said Pyronica caused that, right?

She began walking away.

"Wait wait wait!" Shouted Nzyvo. "We need to-"

But it was already too late.

These strange white things that looked like floating chalk-scribbles or something began flying through the air, and eventually mixed together with these black chalk scribbles. The ended up forming what looked like a shadow outline of Mabel, but with a green right arm, a blue left arm, a red left leg, and a spring green right leg. She basically looked like the Anti-Spiral from _Gurren Lagann_ but in the shape of Mabel. And had colorful limbs.

"SHIT." Shouted Nzyvo. "That must be _HER!_ "

 **"I am Mable the Typomonster."** Said the Shadow-Mabel thingy.

"Huh?" Asked Mabel. "Muh-blee?"

 **"Yes, it's spelled 'Mabel,' but with the 'L' and 'E' switched. By the way, any time someone mispells your name specifically as my name, by accident, I gain more power."**

"Oh holy crap." Said Pacifica., as she began backing away in nervousnesss. "So uh... who ar eyou-"

She folded her shadowy arms and glared at the team. It pretty much made them all shit themselves, even Nzyvo. METAPHORICALLY, not literally like whe nDipper pissed himself in chapter 5.

 **"I did not know that Dipper and you were related, so I shipped them before that happened! And now look! That sunk my ship, I am PISSED THE FUCK OFF! Dipper, you WILL be matchmade with PACIFICA!"**

"What- I don't- I _really_ don't feel comfortable being forced in to some sort of realtionship here! It feels like you're holding a gun up to my head about this!"

 **"I might as well."** Mable glared at him. **"I could** _ **easily**_ **do something even worse than a gun!"**

"Like a nuke?" Asked Mabel.

"DON'T GIVE HER IDEAS!" Dipper belted.

 **"I will give you one last chance before I irreversably make my move and attack, regardless of how many kisses you do! Now, I want you two to** _ **KISS!**_ **"**

She said that last word with a hint of death and a smell of despair booming out from her mouth. Everything about Mable's atmosphere could make puppies and kittens and bunnies cry. Baby humans cry all the time (seriously it's really fucking annoying) so it's not that big of a deal.

"The answer is no!" Pacifica stomped a foot on the ground. "Not with that creep! What are you gonna do about it? These people can take down video game monsters, the Slenderman (actuallyI shouldn't have listed him that fight was pathetic...), a robot loch-ness, and a lot of mecha! I don't think there's anything the Pines family can't face! I mean, I kind of indirectly insulted being related to them, but still, Shackan Lagann is awesome and invincible!"

Mable 'closed her eyes' (they went from being these scribble-white circles to these scribble white horizontal lines) and chuckled.

 **"I am in a completely different league from anything you have fought before. Now blah blah blah cliche Dragonball Sonic stuff like 'witness my true power.'"**

Suddenly, some purple shit began washing over the entire planet - we got to see like one of those Google Earth satelite shots of purple spreading over. From below, it was clear that it was like these dark, boiling, swirling clouds kinda like the Hell in _Drawrf Fortreess._ (People watching this from space went like "HOLY SHIT!")

"WE NEED TO GET TO OUR MECHAS!" shouted Mabel.

She and Dipper ran to the Mystery Shack-Shackan, which was close by, and Dipper got in to the new pilot seat and stuff accomplidated for his having one rm. (But he still had the prosthetic on.) Mabel got in to Lagann, which was near it, and stabbed it through the roof of the Shack, which combined them to Shackan Lagann. Nzyvo got in to her revived Lazengann and it entered its humanoid form instead of just its older look of a head with limbs from like chapter 1. (BOY does that chapter feel like a completely different story at that point.) PAcifica got in to some custom mech made by Nzyvo called the Keeper for some reason. It was just this gray chubby-ish humanoid with gold eyes, kind of like the Keeper from _Binding of Isaac._

Shackan Lagann made drills from its arms and tried to punch at Mable, but she just disappeared liek ink.

"...Is that it?" Asked Mabel.

"There's still weird purple shit in the sky." Answered Dipper.

 **"THIS IS ONLY THE BGEGINNING!"** Mable's voice was heard around them.

These weird cube things started opening up in space and suddenly, something gray fell out and CLUNKED on the ground. It looked like Soos, only a robot, and with these strange white angel-like (actually butterfly-like) transparent wings. He slowly started rising up and made an ominous humming sound.

 **"TIME FOR ONE OF THE FIRST OF MY FIFTEEN MECHANICAL KNOCKOFFS! THIS ONE IS OF SOOS BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT HIS GROUP, SO I'LL GET THEIR KNOCKOFFS OUT OF THE WAY! SAVIOR, AFTER THEM!"**

Yes, that meant that the robot's name was Savior.

Despite being about the same size as Soos (IE: Smaller than a mecha like Shackan Lagann), Savior was really fucking tough. Shackan Lagann tried to drill at him, but he blocked it with one finger.

Then that finger fired a gigantic laser blast, knocking Shackan Lagann back several city blocks and also blowing up a good chunk of where that city was. Shackan Lagann was knocked on his ass. Its? Mechas can be masculine or feminine - actually, you know what, wait until you see the later .GIFfany mechas. The one from the First Half was just like a really robotic schoolgirl, but I'll tell you right now that hers get more humanoid the higher up the scale they go.

"Damn! He's tough!" Said Dipper.

Mabel seriously frowned.

"I know what';ll stop him though!" She cheered, but with a fake smile. "Dipper, let's do our cool finishing move! GIGA! DRILL! BREAK!"

The mech made this drill and came after Savior, who then teleported himself and all the Pines' mechs closer towards around .GIFfany Land. You'll see why I made that choice near the end of the chapter out-universe. Why he did this in-universe, I have no fucking idea I'm a lazy writer.

The Giga Drill Break managed to hit SAvior in the chest! But then he just backed up and flicked his finger at it, which broke the drill in to four pieces that fell on the ground. Remember that.

The flick also sent Shackan Lagann flying bakcwards again, slamming on the floor.

"HEY!" Shouted Nzyvo as Lazengann began to flare up on fire. "DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY FAMILY THAT I WORKED SO HARD TO UNITE AND ALSO LOVE!"

She then tried to throw down those long, narrow, flexible Lazengann drills (actually that difference was pointed out in TV Troes) in a tentacle-like mass over towards Savior, but Savior just kind of deflected them with one hand and shot an explosive ball that completely destroyed that copy of Lazengann and sent Nzyvo flying back. This was technically the first time someone kicked Nzyvo's ass, because let's face it Mabel would have lost that fight in chapter 5 if not for the portal activating as she was screaming about losing a leg and Nzyvo just shrugged that off.

Shackan Lagann kind of weakly stood up, and Dipper used the Power of Courage to teleport them both back to the setting. Savior's eyes just flashed white and for the first time he spoke:

"SORRY DUDES!"

He punched the Shacktron part and just like with Nzyvo, it kind of flew off and disappeared in the distance in a star, with Dipper going "AHHHHH" ads he flew out. Mabel dropped on the ground in Lagann and was like "SHIT!"

Pacifica tried to get in with Keeper but then Savior just kind of kicked the mecha in half and Pacifica dropped down.

"Well shit." Said Pacifica. "MABEL! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH A MECHA! HELP US!"

Mabel lept in to the air and jumped off a building, with one large drill already spawned ahead of her, drilling down. Savior just kept firing energy bullets at that, some of which left little scorch marks on Mabel and a lot really tanked Lagann.

"LAGANN!" She cried, uncertain. "IMPACT-ISH!"

Unlike the Giga Drill Break from before, _this_ managed to drill through Savior and left a hole in him. Mabel breathed heavily as she still felt some of the sizzling from the attack.

Savior then sparked, said "ARGH, REVENGE EXPLOSION ATTACK THINGY!" And suddenly he turned in to these colorful geometric 3D CGI thingies.

Pacifica gasped and dashed over to Nzyvo, grabbing her, and then ran over to Mabel.

"POWER OF WISDOM!" pacifica cried out as a blue cyrstal-'ice?' barrier Nayru's Love formed around the three.

Mable's voice was heard, it sounded like it was coming from all directions. **"By the way. Come Halloween, the Earth will be reduced to Hell, for punishment of you not following how I wanted your friends to be."**

Then the geometric shapes exploded around them, in really big bombs. This is also like the Anti-Spiral's mecha, the Mugann.

"DON'T WORRY!" Shouted Pacifica from under the barrier. "THIS WAS NEARLY UNBREAKABLE WITH EVERY OTHER ENEMY WEFACED-"

Then a crack on it came and some flares seemed through. But thankfully around that time the explosions were already gone. Pacifica called off the barrier.

"...Shit." Said Nzyvo. "I uh... don't really know what _that_ was."

"Dipper's missing..." said Mabel. "I hope he's okay..."

Mable's voice was then heard _world wide._

 **"Citizens of this planet."** She said, as Mabel, Nzyvo, and Pacifica turned around to try to look towards the source. Actually ,she also displayed TV screens showing her in some creepy dark final dungeon place, which was so that everyone could also know what Mable looked like.

 **"This Halloween."** She said like it was an ad for a TV special. **"I will be ending this world on Halloween."** We saw the North Pole, where some pissed off-looking snowman guy with a ciagrette was gathered at the edge of a cliff thingy.

"Grr... the moment I was waiting for... and it's NOT global warming, or the Mayans, it's some girl..."

But then he fell off the cliff and got frozen in a giant ice block. Mable continued her message:

 **"A bunch of mechas will destroy the place. Septillions of them, to be exact."**

It showed Bill watching this through a crystal ball from Gravirty Falls, with his henchmaniacs watching behind him.

 **"This was all as my other self. The origin to my shadow. Refused to listen to my demands. I will not single her out. I will only address myself as the Typomonster to add weight. Because none of my other actions matter."**

It showed some 40-ish year old woman with some flower-like shaped scars on her face and dressed in some kind of cult robes looking serious at the message at the cliff from Gravity Falls. She then put on a strange mask and started walking away.

 **"None of** your **other actions matter. This is the end of days. Spend it as you wish."**

We also saw a certain shadowy figure that will be explored this chapter start to grin wildly. He grabbed the love potions around his... belt? It's been a while since I saw that episode, I don't want tosee it aagain, and I don't really feel like looking up the wiki right now.

Oh yeah, I guess I should also cover the main characters.

Uh, most of them were just kinda flipping out over the apocalypse in a few weeks.

* * *

Dipper landed by some dark, spooky-ish forest. Something ominous and shadowy landed on the Shackan. By the way, Shackan itself was knocked on its side.

"Hello?" He asked. "Who's there...?"

Then the shadow thing opened the door. It was... the Love God! He smirked at Dipper in a sinister manner. (Not like left handed because I'm not racist.)

"Hello there..." he said sounding kind of like a child rapist, "I see you're having trouble with your relaitonships?"

"...Actuall, ,I kinda am."

He grinned even more, and his eyes glowed red. "Perhaps I could possibly even help you..."

Dipper sighed. "I guess that would be great or something..."

"Come with me..."

He then wrapped pink chains around him.

"Woah wait it's no one of THOSE kinds of fan fics, is it?" Dipper asked.

"Ew no..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Stan was at his house (um, oh right, he was living in .GIFfany Land since the original Mystery Shack is a mechan and the new shack is Ford's lab) and heard knocking.

He opened the door and it was Tambry and Manly Dan, looking pissed. Tambry had some friends behind her but there weren't Wendy's firends, they were this new group of weird teens with colorful hair dye. Dan was also surrounded by a bunch of lumberjacks.

"Hello?"" Stan asked.

Dan pushed him.

"We are ANGRY at you, you white man misogynist!" He said.

"What? Misogynist?" Asked Tamrby. "Dammit! Here I was thinking that you were fighting for equality! Instead, you lumberjacks are SJWs just like Stan is!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Asked Stan.

"Your promise to ban porn you shithead!" Said Tambry. "As you can clearly see, boobs are a naturaly part of the body, so getting triggered by them like an SJW makes YOU the sexist who can't stand female nudity! so that those stupid fat feminist SJWs can just look at gay man porn of Squidward and Voltamort! You're an annoying stupid SJW teenage girl for that that just wants to ban all the sexy- I mean totoally natural-based, nudism-promotiing stuff!"

"...I didn't say just female-involving porn, I uh, I think Mabel told me to go after porn as a whole. Like, including the guy/guy."

"That's what about you heterosexual white men I don't like!" YHelled Dan, pointing at him. "You're going after the man porn! Don't you know that you are systemetically oppressing queer POCKs by denying them the right to have their unsystematic externalized pride!"

"...Are you even speaking English?" Replied Stan. "Anyway, I'm not straight, I'm shacking a giant blob of candy dude. And it's going _really_ well. Did you know that we discovered this new position that-"

"Urrrgh! Youy fucking SJWs and your guy/guy crap!" Tambry bitched. "If anything it's excluding women! So YOU'RE the misogynists! Oh wait did I just say that... I mean uh, sexist against women, not misogynists and that's not a real word. But misandry is!"

"Your straight men porn can go away, because there's already more of that, so ban it completely! But the oppressed deserve their own adult content, because it will help aliviate the oppression! It's also more diversity." Said Dan. "Also, all straight porn is basically pedophilia, so by contributing to gay oppression by banning that you're enabling pedofila!"

"No..." replied Tambry. "You SJWs and your fucking 'diversity.' The only 'diversity' we need are," she counted off her fingers, "Waifus with big boobs, waifus with bigger boobs, and waifus that look like underaged little girls but they're like a million years old so it's totally okay when they show up like in skiny bikinis or naked. Any other 'diversity' is just cancer!"

Stan began shiving. "I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about this conversaiton."

"Why?" Tambry raised an eyebrow. "You triggered bro? U mad?" She trollfaced at that last sentence. "Don't be like cnacer you are the most canceriest cancer to ever cancer in the name of history of cancer. Multiplying l,ike cancer tumors. Go get cancer treated that makes you bald like Walter White. Or maybe you are Walter Whiote's cancer that turns him in to his evil supervill,ain persona Einsteign."

"It's our job to MAKE you white men uncomfortable!" Shouted Dan. "Because while our misandry (which doesn't xist although I am a misandrist) will only hurt feelings and I don't care about hurt feelings, your misogynis will hurt LIVES! And more importantly, my own feelings and the feelings of all the POC you oppress!"

"Hey Trickster." Said Stan. "Can you come help me? I've dealt with angry mobs but at least they spoke English and weren't obsessed with crabs."

The Summerween Trickster kind of slithered in to the door.

"Um, hi guys." He said. "If you don't leave soon I think I might just turn the hose on you. Professor Searah even calibrated awesome water specifically for that specific purpose, and she would consider that water well-used and not wasted."

They stormed off, but then Tambry said "BUT I WILL BE BACK WITH THE POWER OF ANONYMOUS but mostly my non-ananomous Fakebook friends" while Dan said "WELL I AM STILL **ANGRY** AND THAT MAKES ME RIGHRT!"

"...Wow. What weirdos." Said Stan.

* * *

Let's do the opposite and go to something **completely seriously** now. Mable the Typomonster was standing in a dark circle with robotic counterparts of the following characters: .GIFfany, Rumble, Melody, Stan, Ford, McGucket, the Summerween Trickster, Wendy, Candy, Grenda, Gideon, Pacifica, Nzyvo, and Dipper.

 **"So. My first unit of Savior, the only one I intended to unleash on Earth prior to Halloween, is dead."** She said. **"Most unfortunate. I must get the backups in more production. I did not foresee that Mabel's Spiral Power would be able to destroy him."**

She chuckled to herself. "This is a good thing. It means that Mabel is growing with more power than I could account for. And with her growing in power, I grow in power too." Her chest-area, like her heart region, glowed the same spiral energy spring green like a heart beat or the beat of Mabel's core drill. "I can already feel myself get stronger as her arrogance and selfishness expand beyond their previous boundries. Ha. HA HA! Now... who shall I send for the next wave? I know. In four hours, perhaps the rest of Soos's harem can go out. ASS KICK ASS REAP! .MP4 PRIME! FLESHSTEEL! PREPARE YOURSELVES!"

The mechanical Rumble, .GIFfany, and Melody all disappeared through those block things that Savior first showed up in.

Mable just turned around with her hands behind her back like an evil villain and laughed.

 **"Soon."** She said. **"This world shall be consumed."**

* * *

So Love God led Dipper to this sort of secret place out in the woods, while Mabel called him on the cell phone.

"Hello?" Mabel asked.

"Where are you?" Mabel also asked. I have no idea why I wrote those as seperate paragraphs.

"The Woods." Replied Dipper.

"Okay I know where you are. I'll be there in a sec!"

She hung up.

"So uh... I've got these things... these potions. Love potions."

Dipper shook his head. "No, I alreayd broke Robbie up from Wendy for trying to use a subliminal message. I'm not going to use a less subliminal way to get Wendy or whoever to fall for me. I'm not that desperate, I'm not a bad person, and I'm not a hypocrite."

"Oh! This is something _completely different!_ You see, in _most_ love potion stories, the person uses that themselves on the other person, which _is_ kind of fucked up. However, what I'm doing is being a third party! I think you two would make a great couple, so I'll just do it _not_ because you wanted to be hit, but because _I'm_ playing the role of a matchmaker, and without really your imput or say in it."

"No thanks."

He closed his eyes, looked down, and chuckled. "Okay. I think I understand. The thing is."

He opened his eyes again, except now they were mouths with really long tongues that were actually snakes. Also his main tongue turned in to a snake too, and the tips of his fingers had eyeballs on them. When he spoke, he had like this deep Satan voice with like an echo and many other similarly deep voices (including James Earl Jones if Alex Hirsch can hire him for when this is made in to a movie, because he has that badass Darth Vader voice). The trees all grew evil faces on them and instead of lame couple names carved on them they all turned in to "666!" as he spoke.

 **"** _ **I WASN'T ASKING!**_ **"** The Love god yelled in a Satan accent. **"We're demons from helllll!"**

Then Mabel flew by in Lagann, and Lagann had a drill out which pushed him off to a tree. The trees went back to normal and he went back to his original appearance, but he quickly looked annoyed, then pulled out a watch that said "Amnesia" like _Kingsman: The Secret Service,_ and the watch shot a dart at Dipper that knocked him out.

"DON'T WORRY DIPPER!" Cried Mabel. "WE CAME IN TO FIGHT _IMMEDIATELY_ AFTER I ONLY SAW THISGUY LOOKING LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO ATTACK YOU, SO I DIDN'T GET THE FULL PICTURE! OH NO, DIPPER, HE'S OUT!"

The Love God coughed. "Hey, I wasn't evil! You were just seeing me while I was working my magic, which just looks weird! I'm just trying to make sure this guy gets in a relationship, no matter what the costs! Because being single sucks, right?"

Mabel looked sad. By the way, Nzyvo and Pacifica were also riding in Lagann. "Yeah... you know, I had a lot of boy trouble myself, I should know. Sorry for attacking you thinking you were a monster or something. The woods back at our home - I mean, our summer vacation place - had a lot of bad things in the woods."

The Love God tried to hold back a smirk. "Oh. Yeah, well, I'm a cherub that will and can help people get with their true cute couple soul mate! **Whether they know it or not!"** That bold meant that his Devil accent was starting to slip through again.

Pacifica sighed. "I know... actuallyl, to tell you the truth and now he's KO'd for some reason-"

"Oh yeah, he passed out after some kind of fight you were having?" Asked the Love God. "He barely had enough energy to use the phone before he completely collapsed. He did at least get his mecha over here from where the battle was." Yes, he's really good at making up bullshit lies on the spot like this.

"-I actually also kind of liked Dipper... before I knew him and he was a jerk. I really wish there was some way to just... kind of get a cheap hookup done for me."

Nzyvo leaned back and- screw it, also sighed. I'm not very good at writing disappointment or exhaust or being relationship-hungry. So that's why I'm using sigh twoce. Well, I AM good at the latter f we're talking about crazy people like .GIFfany. "And yes... underneath my exterior of being the badass edgy morally ambiguous hero-ish maybe anti-hero or anti-villain, I want a boyfriend myself..."

"Well! You're in luck, because that's my job! I'm a Love God!"

Then Farore floated over to them, and Journal 3 hopped out.

"Hey uh, we actually saw everything." Said Farore. "Oh yeah, and we can't really help you physically fight that much because that 'Typomonster' was keeping us down and 'anchored' away from this reality or something. 'We' as in 'us gods.' The Journals just can't fight. Anyway, this guy is actually evil and he gave Dipper some kind of amnesia dart or something like that. He's just lying to all of you."

The Love God just looked evilly at them.

"Dang it." He said. "Here I was all about to stall them for like a whole season or so with my lies. But noooo... you just _hjad_ to have a magic guide to help you out. Well, time for me to reveal my true nature. Yes, I do potion people to love each other. But since the world's ending I feel that I might as well put the whole world under a mega-potion that will not wear off until two years that they're never gonna get, so that they can be happy over the apoclaypse."

"That doesn't sound too good..." said Nzyvo. "We're actually going to try to work on a way to fix the problem of the Typomonster's apocalypse-"

"Hey! I'm gonna defend him!" Said Mabel. "You see, uh..."

Love God chuckled. "You know what? I could just cast an illusion undre you so that you will ALL be on board with having love potions! Love potions for everyone! That's the only way to get true love!"

"We don't really _**need**_ love potions..." said Nzyvo. "I mean, I _would_ like to get in a relationship, but uh... like, Soos as his harme-"

"Did you just say harem? Okay I'm going over there. Then again his hot chubby girlfriend is running for president so I should know him already."

"Oh shit." Said Nzyvo. "Mabel, fight this guy."

But she just sat there doing nothing. "Um he might kind of have a point. Becides, "the harem's been having some issues lately, so-"

"SUPER INFINITE VISIONS OF HEARTBREAK PAST!" He shouted, throwing some kind of pink magic that washed over everyone, including the gods (Din, Nayru, Farore, and Modascend) as well as the Journa;ls.

"NOOOO!" Shouted Mabel as everything got all twisty and kaliedoscope-y.

* * *

Mabel just woke up in the Mystery Shack bed. She rubbed her head in pain.

"Oh wow, that was a weird dream..." she said.

"What dream?" Asked Dipper, who had his arm back.

"Something about it being autumn already and... I cna't remember the details. Well, we're still here, summer vacationing in Gravity Falls. And .GIFfany is still dead. I don't know why I mentioned her."

".GIFfany? She's just some weird stalker after Soos." Said Dipper. "Also, she's not dead. She's in _Fight Fighters_ shacking with Rumble now." He kept flipping through Jorunal 3. Mabel had odd memories about Journal 3, but couldn't remember.

Something felt odd about this so Mabel spun an Inception top.

Top did not fall!

But suddenly there was a crash heard outside and Mabel forgot. Also, the shockwave of it knocked the top over.

Mabel ran there and found Mermando, looking really dehydrated and shit, barely climbing his way to the Mystery Shack doorstep.

"OH MABEL!" He creid. "TANK GOD IT'S YOU!"

"Mermando!" She pretty much pretended that the crash counted as the top falling over.

"Listen! I tried to escape from the evil undersea overlords! They fired me out of a cannon and I convenienlty landed here!"

Mabel tried to grip at something around her neck, as if she had it, but didn't.

* * *

The Love God showed up knocking at the main door of .GIFfany Land. Professor Dove answered.

"Look, there have been reports of these crazy SJW lumberjacks and these... uh, I don't know if there's exactly 'alt-rights' or just normal idiot teenage girls, but either way there's also teenage girls around. The harem has appointed me, their punisher, as the desginated door answerer until further notice. Who the fuck are you, what do you want, and full legal disclosure I can and _will_ slam this door on you if you bring up the word 'privilege' or 'triggered', even if or especially you use the latter word ironically. 'Cancer' is also worth a door-slam if you do not have any medical business with my doctoral side."

"I'm the Love God."

"I already have a bad gut feeling about this."

"Look, weren' you having some love troubles with .GIFany?"

"I have no idea how you would possibly know that."

"Because Soos's friends told us! Mabel and that gang!"

""Hm. Replied Dove. "Very well, I... _guess_ you could see them? What do you want, anyway?"

"How would you feel if I told you that I am a love god and I want to spread love that online dating's kind of replaced by potioning fated lovers up!"

"...As in, love potions? I would slam the door on you and tell you to get out."

"QWell,,, you see, Soos and Melody actually aren't fated lovers. You see, it's actually .GIFfany and Soos, and Melody and Rumble."

"HOO boy am I gonna have fun coming up with a dcreative way to kick you out." Said Dove. "Don't move," she began walking off, "I'll come up with something once I come back."

"Uh... how about no?"

He then threw a KO potion at her, laughing.

"That's another Super Invinite Visions of Heartbreak Past, butyou don't actually know that because I only told you after knocking you out. I'll go get Soos and shit."

He put his hands in his pockets and began making his way around the really pink house that the main four members of the harem shared (again, Dove doen't actually 'live there,' she was just sent to keep off Tambry and Dan's groups. This job pays poretty well in .GIFFany Land, the general 'keep creeps away from your door' since you can't just trust them to not break right in.)

Love God walked up the stairs evily and ominously as he whistled to himself "Never Gonan Give You Up," which reflected that people under his potions would never wanna give the other up. Also he was being a douchebag and rickrolling everyone. He's a douchebag in general.

He came across Soos on the roof.

"Hi there!" Said Soos.

"Oh. I wasn't expecting a nudist."" Replied the Love God. "Anyway, I'm here to tell you some stuff about love."

"How'dj you get past Dove? I thought Dove would have told me something."

"Oh, is Dove that woman who was about to invite me in but then she slipped on a banana peel and hit her head and that kncoked her out?"

"...You might have her confused wiht another scopy. Dove doesn't just get knocked out like that. You'd have to, like, be specifically using a mind control spell or something. And even then, Dove has liek 'psychic' for an 'element' or something? Actually maybe like a few other 'sci-fi-y' elements like anti-gravity and stuff? (Or is it just gravity? I have so many .GIFfanys I'm fucking that it's confusing.) Anyway, even if that did happen, Dove would break out of it soon."

"SOOS!" Dove shouted. "IF SOME FAT GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE AN AUSTIN POWERS REJECT COMES TO YOU TALKING ABOUT LOVE POTIONS, KICK HIS ASS! HE'S NOT A GOOD GUY! HE TRIED TO BRAINWASH ME WITH A FALSE VISION, BUT I USING MY PSYCHIC TRAINING MANAGED TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST IT!"

She was heard running up the stairs.

"Oh, fuck it." Said the Love God. "You know, this isn't worth the time. I'll get back with an army. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I just thought that one last mission to fix a relationship - in this case being a harem, which is a jackpot - would be for fun, but you are all gonna get killed come Halloween anyway."

"Your hurt my sex friend so I'm gonna attack you now." Said Soos cheerfully. "This is going to hurt because I can _seriously_ kick butt if I wanted to."

Then Soos let out a battle cry and looked viscious (it's like Spongebob where they change art styles but not crepy like SB more like One-Punch Man he suddenly went in to serious mode and looke like a Jojo) and he ran really fast over to the Love God.

"Ha! No mortal being can even hurt me that much with just their skin! It'll take a lot more than a punch to-"

But somehow (you'll find out in chapte 9 this is my way of saying keep reading this shit) Soos's punch to his gut made him cry out in pain and fall backwards.

Dove came running to the roof, and when she got there she had a knife in her hand. She too was letting a battle cry as she charged forth, but interrupted that to say "I know knives are a cliche yandere weapon, but I dreally couldn't find anything else, and this isn't a yandere me so much as it is a 'I'm saving my friends' sort of me."

She stabbed Love God in the shoulder several times. No, I mean a LOT of times. Oh yeah, and other parts of him as well. But he mostly shrugged that off and just jumped, using his wings to hover himself over to another building.

"Yeah, I'm coming bck with backup! This is just two of you, I don't want to face the whole harem. Well actually, fight I might even do a surprise attack where I like grab you or something and keep you chained up in my Super Invinite Visions of Heartbreak past while you all get the first Earthly glimpse at my true horror eldritch form..."

He whipped the head of a goat out of his pants or something, then bit on it, and that generated a portal to hell that he took. The portal itself was made out of pure sadness, a vortex of spinning blood, spinal fluid, and other bodily fluids that played the tormented screams of a quintillion souls that were adjecent to the portal's other side, as spider-covered skulls occasionally peeked out of the portal and taunted Soos and Dove by saying "WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELLLLLLL!"

"So what was that thing he tried on you?" Soos asked Dove.

"It was, I believe, a kind of 'lotus eater machine.' I was dreaming ghat we were doing it, but you had ED, but then that 'Love God' guy came in and advertized his potion to help me out. It also targets some memories totemporary hide them, and it makes the last events seem like a dream. Again, my psychic training helped me regain my memories even during the illusion and figure out that the whole thing was bullshit."

"Wow." Said Soos.

"So... I'm feeling a little stressed after all of that. Wanna do it on the roof, technically even in public? You realized that this is actually legal here in .GIFfany Land."

"Okay!"

And then he jumped on her and they fell to the ground and they started taking off clothes as they kissed and got a little TV-MA. Actually, Soos was already naked and Dove was just wearing some loose bandages, so it was just like we saw the sky and a few bandage-wraps being tosssed in the air and that was it.

* * *

Nzyvo felt a really sharp pain in her chest as she walked through Bel-Air, where all the cute boys she wanted to date were ignoring her without the potion. A hologram of the Love God followed behind her.

"HAHAHA! So, I guesss since you apparently have something where you need Spiral Energy to keep your body from decaying thanks to the government poroject, and these illusions prevent use of Spiral Energy for a fucking stupid reasn (I wish they didn't... I mean, daydreaming about dates is totally productive Spiral stuff, right?), so you'd figure it out? I can alter a lot of memories with this move, but I can't alter something you've been dealing with since birth. Anyway, why didn't you tell your sisters or brother if you really do love them so much?" Said love God.

"SHUT UP! I know you're fake!" Nzyvo replied. "NOT REAL NOT REAL NOT REAL NOT REAL! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Well, you're stuck unless you submit to my using love potions and start using them yourself to help me with my master apocalypse love potion party pkan. Otherwise, you'll be forced to deal with me in this illusion, where nobody loves you. Because nobody _would_ love you. In this loveless world."

"I know none of these peopl are real! And I know that I'm missing a leg! Just wake me up so I can get spiral energy again!"

"AHHAHAHA!"

* * *

Pacifica just dreamed she was 101 Dalmationing (or was that Lady and the Tramp Stamp?) slirping spaghetti with uh... that rich boy from "Northwest Mansion Enema?"

"Pacifica." I honestly forgot that guy's name. Didn't he end up with Grenda or something? "I feel like our relationship is a bit stale, and needs some magic if you know what I mean."

He left, and Pacifica was sad. She loooked outside a giant window to the night sky and thought about those two friends orf hers we saw before. (Not Dipper and Mabel, like her EARLIER friends. One had purple hair, right?)

"...I wonder if even they're my friends or they just hang out because I'm rich." She sighed. "I'm so lonely... if only there was some sort of way to _make_ people like m..."

The Love God slowly walked in from the background, we mostly seeing his reflection which foreshadows that he's not a very nice person. He put a hand on Pacifica's shoulder.

"What if I told you there was." He said coldly.

"I'll... uh, think about it."

"That's okay. You have all the time in the world."

* * *

Mabel was an under water mermaid and being chased by a gigantic sea king god that was trying to shoot at her and Mermando with a laser-trident.

"It's no use!" Cried Mermando. "Impossible! The only way the Sea Emperor stop killing us and interrupting our true love. The only way... you need to warm his cold hart by potioning him so that he'll love the Sea Empress!"

Mabel nodded. "You know I was always on board with love potions. I'll do it!"

Suddenly she noticed something glowing.

A drill necklace around her neck.

"Huh?" She said, holding on to that. She didn't even notice that the Sea Emperor blasted her, but it was deflected.

By another Mermando.

This one didn't wear a shirt like the other one did, so you can tell them apart.

"Are you really going to play out this fantasy?" He asked. The new one.

"What?" Asked Mabel.

"This is an illusion. I'm the real Mermando. Us mermaids can also be telepathic in times of emergency. I'm not stalking you FYI, it's just that some Love God guy tried to trap me in a vision, so I used this emergency powers that I can only use once a year to reach out to you and tell you to... maybe help beat this guy for me? For our love?"

The other Mermando then grabbed Mabel by the back of the head and kind of made her in a begging p[osition, then he started begging too.

"Come on Mabel! We need to beg until we get access to the love potion!" He said. "Beg and grovel and beg and grovel so thta he'll stall time! I've seen you get out of everything by just begging Dipper for it! This will be no exception! You're great at getting everything you want! And don't you want to spread the magic of love?"

"FUCK YOY!"

Mabel punched the Mermando with the shirt in the face, which made the other Mermando smirk.

Suddenly Mabel changed. She was no longer amermaid, but looked like herself post-autumn time skip. Missing leg, core drill, and everything. She stood up tall and breathed underwater (because this was an illusion.) while Mermando swam near her. The Sea Emperor Guy also disappeared.

"I'm proud of you." Said Mermando. "Also, it's looks like you've grown a bit taller since we last met in person."

Mabel giggled. "So I guess this is goodbye. I have to help my sisters and brother get out of their illusion too."

"Well..." he said, "I'm mean, I'm still alive... you could still probably save my polluted home and like, I guess me from the Manatee Queen war?"

Mabel nodded. "Maybe. But that sounds too political. My uncle is running for president and he's doing a bad job. He's technically losign to a dog in the popularities poll."

Suddenly a green light beamed down and it was Nzyvo.

"Hey, I got out of here." She said. "On my own. Just kept focusing and developeed the spiral power to get out of here. Just in case anyone thinks that your thing and only your thing is gonna save verybody."

Nzyvo felt another pain in her chest and had to sink down.

"Nzyvo!" Cried Mabel. "Are you okay?"

"I'll explain why I hurt there later! For now, you need to get Dipper and Pacifica awake, and we need to go to Finalayer! I have an emergency thingy that might help!"

Mabel nodded.

"See you, Mermando."

"You'll always be here!" He pointed to his heart. One of them, since they have like seventeen.

"Don't say cliche shonen stuff like that this is a harem amnime, just that Soos is the harem." Said Mabel.

Then they beamed off.

* * *

Pacifica was wandering the big halls of her mansion alone, sighing.

"...Also, fuck my parents." She said. Then suddenly she got a core drill glowing around her neck too.

"Huh?" She asked, then Mabel and Nzyvo beamed down.

"We're here to help." Said Mabel.

* * *

Uh, Dipper's fantasy was that he was in some kind of not-US country with a harem, and he had Wendy, Candy, Grenda, Tambry, the Roadside Attractions girls (don't ask it's a cameo it doesn't have to make sense), and other girls around his age from canon - including Pacifica - lined up as a little harem of future brides, wearing wedding dresses. Currently, Wendy tried feeding him grapes but then he went "I don't like grapes I'm more of a apple man."

Suddenly light bamed and he found Mabel standing by the arm-rest of his throne, with Nzyvo and the real Pacifica on the other.

"MABEL?!" he asked. "It's not one of THOSE fics is it!?"

"No. You're actually hallucinating - I mean, illusioning. I mean, Inceptioning."

Dipper nodded as he noticed that he kind of got older (unlike Mabel, who became taller and her hair actually became a bit shittier (with a bunch of uneven parts and stuff like she slept bad or something) to make her look more like an "older badass", Dipper didn't change that much over the time skip to autumn) and his right arm wasreplaced with the prosthetic. He sighed.

"Alrigth."

* * *

So everyone woke up, and had to deal with Nayru trying to splash water on all of them to get them to wake up, then went "Oh thank goodness they're awake! And we thought _our_ illusions were hard to get out of..."

"Mabel, hat Love God addhole was right in that it's time for you to learn the truth..." said Nzyvo. "You see, I'm dying."

"WHAT?" Asked Mabel.

"Well, no, I've been this way my whole life. You see these green veins?"

Oh yeah, I actually forgot to mention that at first. Then I plugged it back in the first chapter! Go back there if you're an older reader to see what she's talking about.

"Yeah. I mean, it's obvious."

"Well... that's my body rotting if I don't get Spioral Energy. I need that Spiral Power in order to stay alive, by leeching it off of other people. Pacifica, your adopted parents lacked that stuff, but the Northwests in Bel-Air had a lot so I could drain off of them. And, sorry Mabel, I'm hindering your energy by using it to keep me alive. But I've also been studying how to use Spiral Power generated by me, and for the most part, hat works. Anyway, I think we're ready to try out something that I didn't think would work without you, Dipper, and even me becoming a bit more skilled over the months."

"And what is that thing?" Asked Mabel.

"Combining Shackan Lackann with Finalayer."

* * *

Dove was lying on the roof of the capital naked, and gasping for air. Soos just looked like "Okay that was good I guess."

"SOO S YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!" Shouted Dove.

"Okay that was good I guess." he actually said, instead of just looking like that. "But I'm still kind of, you know... not done. Like, not even close."

Dove shook her had. "I'm not surprised. You managed to have enough stamina for all four million plus of us in the first generation, and it seems like your abilities are slowly evolving to aadapt with us the more copies we make and the more expansion packs we've got to add to .GIFfany Land, as the generations go on. One person alone pretty much _cannot_ exhaust you unless they're, like, the great grandgod of sex or something."

"Great grand? Like, an old person that has kids who have kids?"

"Eh... don't over think that. I was just saying some kind of loose meataphor."

Suddenly the ground shook and a bunch of indigo-colored blood shot from the roof. It was Cardia, dressed only in some violet meaty tentacles barely around her, and frowned at Dove. Soos looked scared and held to Dove for protecting but she said "That's just Cardia."

"That's not what evolution workes." She siad. "I'm a zoobiologist. I should know. Evolution is acorss a species over t-time."

"...So, are you like, still saner and not making really weird decicions about dragons and pigs?"

Carida nodded.

"Hey, okay, I might have deliberately used the improper terminology for emphasis and prose effect," said Dove, "but where were you when the Love God attacked us?"

"I was helping Melody enter her presidential records. The first challenge is about to begin, then Rose was like 'you should invite Soos I mean Melody technically lknew him lkonger than us.'"

A giant vine grew from the ground and reached all the way up to the roof, where Rose jumped out, now wearing just some vines drapped over her shoulders and one barely long enough to cover her crotch, with her boobs also barely being covered kind of like that hair thing but I hate that personally. Except they were starting to turn red orange brown yellow and stuff because AUTUMN!

"Hey, plants can evolve too." She said. "Also, these 'falling leafs' really fuck up my leaf costumes... I have to constantly keep them watered."

"Are we going to keep arguing about semantics, or are we going to go to that 'challenge' thingy that you told us about?"

* * *

So then Rose, Cardia, Dove, and Soos lined up by this hot spring place.

"This is the chaslklenge?" Asked Soos. "Why not just come over to Bubblse's place?"

"Because that's not America." Said Dove. "It's another country. Legally." She grinned. "I am _so_ glad I got the legal specifications for this... feels like we're our own empresses, in fact."

When they walked in, Cardia ran up to the desk and belted out "HEY I'm kind of bloody form all the butchering I do for fun even though as the heat CEO of Gif Bytes" (Disclaimer I don't actually know what a CEO is) "I don't actually need to really cut up dead animals. Do I need to wash off the blood first?"

The people at the desk said. "Oh hi Soos! Cardia, yeah you should probably shower off."

Cardia looked offended at that.

"Damn it! I want this election to be over with..."

"Anyway, as Melody's First Gentleman but also as Stan's Presidential Scientist, you can pick whichever side of the hotsprings you want to go on. Stan';s side with the Repubs, or Melody's side with the Dems?"

Stan walked in naked with the Summerween Trickster (who was wearing a towel) with him. "Hey, Soos buddy! If you wanna be with your girlfriend, that's perfectly understanbable! I know what it's like wanting to be with my boyfriend, you know all the sex we have!"

"Oikay." Said Soos. "We have a lot of sex too."

The woman at the desk crossed her arms.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why are you talking about your sex lives in public?

* * *

So they were in the hot springs, and it was crammed because all the .GIFfanys were thre. Melody was just about one of the few people with a towel on.

Ryan walked up to Melody and of fucking course hd had to be a creep.

"Giggity." He said. Melody got pised off.

"Really? Of all the women in here, you have to single out and perv on the ONEE who is UNCOMFORTABLE with such a thing?"

"Gittigy." Said Ryan.

Melody just shoved him in the water. He then tried climbing back up but each time Melody pushed him, like in _King of the Hill_ with that archeologist and Hank.

Some asshole-looking redhead was also there.

"Who are you?" Melody asked her.

"Oh, I'm Layiss, Ryan's pick for First Lady. He's totally gonna win." She said.

"Honestly, speaking as someone who gave up on being president and doesn't want to win anymore... I think him winning would be even worse."

"Hey if that dog ismaking you feel uncomfortable I could kick his a - I'm sorry I don't swear - ss for you." Said Soos.

Melody sighed. "Part of the reason why I ran for president was to see if I could fight my own battles. That's my confession. So I could fight this guy on my own. I mean, I _was_ able to fight with that magician girl when we dated."

"Oh cool." Said Soos.

Melody looked over and noticed that actually Dipepr was there. She had no idea how she missed him there.

"Dipper? Shoudln't you be supporting your uncle?"

"Actualy, I've converted to Democracism." He said. "Because of Stan's comments about... uh, the economy. _Definitely_ the economy. And not because of his promised porn ban. Nope."

Dipper also had on sunglasses and a trenchcoat. In the hotsprings. This explains why Melody didn't recognize him.

Actually we've focused too much on Melody's gang. Let's go to Stan, who unlike Dipper, was totally free-balling. (Mabel was too even though she doesn't have balls unless you have one of those transcannons.)

"UUURUGGH YEAH!" Stan said stretching around. "I love giving my old-ish body a good workout and wiggling my naked ass on everything!" He wriggled said naked agg against the wooden floor (it's wood because this is a throwbackn to traditional anime hot springs) and we saw a closeup of his naked body as his flat Hank Hill ass was everywhere.

The Sunerween Trickster groped his chest. Hey, this happens in aniome with girls so this is equality. The Trickster giggled and felt his not-really mam boobs more like his pecker muscles, and said "MY STAN! WHAT AMAZING BOOBS YOU HAVE! TELL ME, WHAT DIET IS THAT?"

"So." Stan said. ("Oh PS Trikster." He also said. "I ate these 'Viy-grah' from the store because I heard that it boosts manliness and I like being manly, maybe that helped my chest.") "This is pretty cool, isn't it? We get to invite all our supportesrs and our picks in with us. I don't see how this is a 'challenge.'"

"Urgh." Said Hank. "It would be a schallenge to me, I'll tell you what. I don't like this 'being naked with other people' thing."

"You can say that again." Said Bank. "This is not the kind of bonding tha I like. I actually don't like bonding in general so I don't know why I said that."

"Nope. No bonding for me." Said Hank."

"What?" Asked Stan. "Are you guys clones like those guys from _Futurama_?"

They looked at eachother.

"What? No. We're nothing alike." Said Hank. "Bank prefers I-pipes, I prefer lower case-L pipes."

"What's the differencE?" Asked Stan.

"It's the difference btweeen SilvaGunner and SiIvaGunner." Said Bank, and a laught track played with a rimshot and the _Siendfeld_ theme. But he didn't get the joke. It's gunny because SilvaFunner is a meme.

Anyway then the ACTUALLY challenge began! The President of Canada jumped down and folded his arms and stood there!

"Now for thew challenge." He said. "You must fight a mecha octopus! The first one who loses is out of the election! Now, I'm gonna go to the Demos plac and tell them the exact same thng!"

He tried superjumping through the wall, but got his head stuck in it, giving me time to do this little thing with the other side before the challenge actually begins.

Meanwhile, anywya, the copies began noticing GPF (why not sooner? He IS this sort of green guy after all.) Burnda and Bubbles in particular began swimming up to him. He looked up from his laying down, and looked annoyed.

"Oh _fuck._ " He said in annoyance.

"So are you like, God or something? "Asked Burnda.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm the guy who wrote this very story and that _run:gifocalypse_ thingy that you come from."

Melody also, for some reason, went closer to Fan.

"You know, I think I got this." She said, putting her foot on a higher step thingy. "I will jsut keep trying to do badly I guess-"

"Yeah, yeah," said GPF, turning away and "I can see up your towel from here, so uh... you _don't_ like being see naked so don't exactly do that."

"Oh." Said Melody putting her leg back down.

"Gittiy." Said Ryan.

"WILL YOU? FUCK YOU!" Melody shouted as she threw him in to the water.

Then the Candian President came in.

"Now for the real challenge." He said. "Robo octopus battle is a GO now!"

In both springs, some kind of robotic ocopus (I can't come up with descriptions right now that aren't sexy .GIFfany waifus) sprung from under the water and began lashing their tentacles everywhere.

GPF just panicked, while Laywer Guy morphed his arm in to a liquid metal spike (this is just like the Lawyer Guys from _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_ , I should have mentioned that earlier.) and sliced at the octoput.

"HA!" He said. "My lawyer skills will help!"

Quimby just kind of paniced. As did Ryan.

melody smirked. "So if I do bad on this challenge will I get kicked out of the election?"

"Yes." Said the President of Mexico. "The one fights the shittiest will lose."

Quimby literally shat himself.

"Well then!" She said. "I don't think you could be shittier than that!"

The cotopus swipped a tentacle and that took off Melody's towel.

"Hey!" She shouted.

Then Rumble jumped on it and punched it to death.

"I can fight my own battles..." said Melody to Rumble.

"Oh. Uh... sorry. You know, the ladie's honor."

Soos crossed his arms. "Wow. What old-school chivalry 'save the girl.' You need to modernize. Melody is a strong female character who can fight her own battles and doesn't need to be defined by a man."

"Canonically you might have a point about that 'fight her own battles,'" said Burnda, who was also still toying around with GPF's Pikmin stem-leaf thing, "but you do realize that she was basically made just to literally be your love interest to kind of show that you can get laid without being with a video game, right? I'd argue that she _is_ defined by you. I mean, Melody got written out of the show after that and just like, cameoed in the Love God-"

"I FUCKING HATE THAT EPISODE!" Said GPF. "Continue on, that's all I wanted to say. And yes, I still regret giving you clashing skin-hair color combinations. I don't really think that red skin and cyan hair could be pulled off very well without making it a light shade of red. Azure skin and red hair, like you Burnda, is a bit more iffy."

"-Where all you did was laugh with him. And then you showed up in the finale with the implication that you took his job."

"Burnda, stop sucking this story's dick." Said GPF. Turns out he had even _more_ to say. "Soos had an orgy with all of you because he's made in to, like, some sex god. This story is in _no_ position to criticize how canon writes women. And it's not like you're that much better: you're more like that crappy OC that just exists to give 'karma' to 'the mean people' or something like that. Except the difference is people are allowed to tell you that you're annoying. Like right now: You're annoying."

"Hrm... did you remember the part in _run:gifocalypse_ where I pretended to be an over the top villain out of what I claimed was a test to see how devoted these people are to each-other and if they are willing to sacrifice some things to make sure Dove or .GIFfany don't take over the world but it was really just my deeply-hidden guilt over the way I lashed out against and attacked Burrda and came to a self-realization that violence doesn't solve everything and I had hated myself since? That's a much better design for someone than 'I like the things you do, also I was implied to shave my legs once so that's realistic.'"

"You're like a hentai reject. You don't fit in _Gravity Falls_. Hell, you're even named after an anime parody character that walks around in her underwear. Also, Melody was supposed to be a one-shot. Of course she doesn't have a lot of character."

"Um, I'm right here." Said Melody. "What the heck are you talking about? What's _run:gifolcalypse_?"

"I might not fit in _Gravity Falls_ , but I do fit in _run:gifoccalypse_! And that is the important par! Becides, that has nothing to do with whether or not I'm well written."

"You weren't well written! You're a cheap villain of the week OC with a bunch of cameos that has a weird backstory that doesn't make much sense, and you're nothing like .GIFfany! Okay, Maybe Melody wasn't the most fleshed out of characters, but are you seriously implying that _Gravity Falls_ has issues writting girls and this collection of Mary Sues that you are a part of is somehow better?"

"...What did you think about Mabel again?"

"...Leave Mabel out of this! What about Wendy? Pacifica? Heck, Mabel's friends?!"

"Dove, do you wanna weigh in here?"

"I spoke to that guy online." Said the black-haired copy. "He gives me existencial crises. I hate being told that I am not real. After all, I guess uh... in my backstory, that's part of why I'm a mistanthropist."

"That was your backstory in RG." Said Burnda. "I think here you were just abandoned or something."

Dove went back to lying on her back. "Oh I dunno. Let's just say someone else found me, hated me becaus eI was a living machine, and returned me to that dead .GIFfany favroty. There. That's my new backstory. By the way, we are designed as love games, so our standards of 'good women' is kind of skewed."

GPF stood up and pointed a finger at Burnda. "Ha! There! See! Even Dove agrees with me! Of course, she's kind of my not-really opinion sharer, bur still! She decked at your credibility!"

"Oh wow, really? I thought you hated ad hominems. Ha ha. By the way, Wendy was just a 'too spooky for you' impossibly cool for cool's sake girl defined by Dipper pinning after her, Pacifica had like two episodes and took a backstep to the Stan-Ford-Dipper-Bill stuff, and Mabel's friends... you're kind of grasping straws."

"Wendy was faking her 'cool' personality! She was trying to keep herself cool but she's stressed over everything in the summer! _And_ she's got her implied... like, her father's Manly Dan! That's her hidden depth! A lot better than some self-deprecating asshat like you! You're like something that crawled out of some shitty RPG, 'oh look at me I'm so cool and run around half naked I'm such a cool ruler fhack off u peasants' that's you right now, you're an awful OC."

"Seriously, what in the world are you two talking about?" Asked Soos. "So is my theory right that we're all just a teleivion show?"

"Remind me, what happened with that?" Said Burnda. "What did she do after that? She helped Dipper a little through Weirdmageddon but then we got this awkward thing where it was implied that he was _still_ pinning after her. I mean, yeah she took a car and was badass, but it's like there's a difference between being really awesome and having depth behind that and just being impossibly cool and with nothing else but a love intereest."

"Wendy has _everything_ else! And Pacifica didn't need a million episodes about some soap-opera crap setting her with Dipper! I made fun of that by making them biologically related in this AU!"

"So _YOU'RE_ the one standing between our love?" Asked Dipper. He pulled off the porno store hat and sunglasses and trenchcoat to reveal that he was... Dipper! "I knew it! We really weren't biologically related!"

"I think these two people are just nuts." Said Dove, patting Dipper on the back. "Just ignore whatever they say when they talk about 'metafiction' or 'fourth walls' or crap like that."

GPF continued. "Her story arc was already over!"

"What a short story arc that was." Burnda rolled her eyes while still smiling. "And half of it was Big Manly Dipper just kind of telling her to be a better person. What an amazing display of independence, there. Come on, GPF. Just be honest. To quote something you've been meaning to say but never did and now I get to say it 'first:' _Steven Universe_ this ain't. _Homestuck_ has better-written female characters than _Gravity Falls_."

GPF looked really fucking pissed off. "That's a low blow! Everyone knows _Homestuck_ 's dead and _Gravity Falls_ ended up being better than it in a lot of aspects! You take that back or I'll kick your ass! I don't care if you're hundreds of times stronger than me and have fire and electricity powers, and I'm a species that runs around screaming if I get caught on fire! And electricity... either kills me instantly or just stuns me, depending on whether we're talking about _Pikmin 2_ or _Pikmin 3_! But since Nintendo seems to be leaning more towards _3_ , I'll take those odds!"

"I mean, I don't even really like _Homestuck_ , the beginning was boring so I just stopped it right when that flashinng ball appeared, but from what I read _about it_ it's better at giving its female characters real story arcs and shit. In _Gravity Falls_ most of the girls and women just kind of revolve around some dude. Except Mabel, but you think she's like Homer Simpson."

"Hank Hill! I think she's closer to Hank Hill in terms of her... family needs to be how I want... stuff! Whatever!"

She trollfaced. "Hank and HomeR? What's the difference? They're both cartoon family dads."

He stood up and pointed at her. " _THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!_ Your big... sexy... bubble ass."

He jumped on her head and tried slapping at her from on the top of her head, which just looked like something out of a Cartton Network carttonn.

"Okay." Said the President of Canada. "Quimby, you were judged horrible in this challenge. You and your First Lady, Head of Presidental Guard, and Presidential Scientist Picks are all out."

"er a um, DAMN!" He said. By the way, those said three people are all women in bikinis because Quimby liked sexyness. Quimby himself was naked and not a towel because it's the hot springs, but the women were always wearing bikinis. So as he walked he was still shitting because he aate Chipotle (I heard that gives you the runs).

"But Melody! As your Head of the Presidential Guard won that battle, you will get more funding for your campaign."

Melody glared at Rumble.

"I was actually trying to lose."

GPF continued ranting as he uselessly slapped the Fire Professor. He was saying things like "Wendy has deep and complex family issues and pressures she's the only girl in a set of boys and her relationship with Robbie is a deep subversion of..."

Burnda patted Dipper on the shoulder.

"Hey," she said, "I didn't actually mean some of what I said. I don't think your sister Pacifica is badly writte. I just said that because I enjoy pissing off people who deserve it."

Bubbles shrugged. "I just enjoy pissing off everybody but I just poke them until they tell me to stop. Like I will to GPF right now! Poke. Poke. Poke..."

* * *

Meanwile, in the Rebucliban hot springs, Hank Hill and Bank Bill were doing most of the work.

The paperwork.

"Alright now, diplomaatically thsi should be an easy way to resolve our disputes." Hank said.

"...Uh," said some CIA guy. "We **built** that thing and even we had no idea that this was even possible. To negotiate with it, I mean."

"Well we did an important job. Do we win?"

"Uh sure but Stan loses not because of his banning comments but because he didn't do anything."

Mabel ran up to the octopus and kicked it in the eye, then called forth the power of Modascend and went "SPIRAL POWER! FINISH THIS BEAST!" And formed a drill a nd killed him.

"Nevermind you win. Uh... I guess we'll kick out Yee Haw for how he kind of hid back."

Yee Haw nodded." Yes. Despite my cowboy backgrounds, I was just hiding behind the boards. I'll go away and be useless, and certainly never be important later in the story."

"OH SHOOT!" Shouted Mabel. "I forgot! Nzyvo wanted me, Dipper, and Pacifica to meet her at Finalayer! Then I chose family over that, and uh... I have to run!"

She got back in Lagann, which was under the water (this is a reference to _Hecksing: The Dawn_ it's not random) and then took off.

"...WELL." Said Stan. "That was weird.

"OH WAIT!" Also said Stan for those that don't know about the rule of quote marks not ending the paragraph but beginning the next (I assume that will kill OCD people). "Actually, isn't that the thing where the Mystery Shack turns in to a mecha? I want in!"

* * *

So Mabel was running in Lagann with Stan crammed in there. Mabel had time to get dressed but Stan did not, so his naked self was against Mabel. She broke in to the Democrat tub and grabbed Dipper as well, and both of them ran off to Finalayer.

"Hello?" Mabel said on the phone. "Nzyvo, are you there?"

"Yeah I'm there." Nzyvo replied. "Pacifica's with me. What's taking you so long?"

"I wanted to support my uncle in the election!"

"Oh okay then."

So they were nearly approaching Finalayer!

But then the mech counterparts to Melody, Rumble, and .GIFfany showed up!

"Oh shit." Said Mabel.

"I am Fleshsteel." Said Melody's counterpart.

".MP4 Prime." Said .GIFfany's.

Rumble's finished off the group. "Ass Kick, Ass Reap."

"I could barely take on one of those things!" Shouted Mabel. "Let alone _three!_ It's hopeless!"

Finalayer was close though, nd Nzyvo was on the roof waving her hand going "MABEL! LET'S COMBINE!"

So Shackan Lagann JUMPEd up high in to the air, and all three mech bosses began firing a bunch of lasers after them!

"Dipper!" Shouted Mabel. "Did you already leave a Farore's Wind over at Finalayer? We need to go there to get back and combine!"

"Uh... shoot."

"Why can't you improve your ability?" Mabel asked. "Pacifica now has like ice and water powrs, can barrier others, and Nzyvo is even BETTER at fire than the time we fought. Your ability is just almost exactly like in Ocarina, of Time just as it was in chapter 1. How boring."

Dipper just went "GRrrr..." as he tried to focus...

But then just kind of got slapped around by Fleshsteel.

But thankfully one of those slaps sent them in to Finalayer!

"Okay now we can combine and shit." Said Nzyvo.

So then Shackan Lagann raced inside Finalayer ad the three Pines, Dipper mabel and Nzyvo, all channelled their Spiral Eneergy together. Then something started happening with Finalayer as badass music started playing from the OST (not like the mecha or the base were actually playing badass music although that would be cool so YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY WERE! Mabel was playing that on her gitar.).

"Okay, NOW it's time to kick ass! The bonds between brother and sister..." Mabel began, "And the fire-forged friendship with my long lost evil sister!"

"The unity of the spiral and that which absorbds it!" Cheered Nzyvo.

"And uh... Courage!" Said Dipper.

Finalayer transformed from just looking like some enourmous tower thingy (picture the final level from _Jak and Daxrter: Precursor Legacy_ , AKA that game with the scary orange shark :() in to a more humanoid form! A mecha that looked a litle like Shackan Lagann, but its body wasn't the huge Mystery Shack it looked more humanoid. This is...

Well, I'll just let the three Pine siblins (we'll get to Pacifica later)) shout it for me:

"FINALAYER SHACKAN LAGANN!" They cried. "WHO THE _SHIT_ DO YOU THINK WE ARE!"

The mech bosses just kinda started running off towards .GIFFany Land.

* * *

Soos woke up from being KO'd somehow.

"Hey dudes, what happened?" He asked. "I was one minute leading the hot springs, and the next something KO'd me out!"

He was actually held in chains wrapped around him. So where Melody, Rumble, and .GIFfany, who were also there.

"Oh hi guys." He said. "Why are we completely wrapped up?"

They were also in a dark room, but it was really the kitchen of their place just with the liughts turned out.

BUT THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED ON! IT WAS THE LOVE GOD STANDING THERE, LOOKING EVIL!

"Oh hey! It's that jerk from earlier! And then I had sex with Dove." Said Soos.

"You seem to have issues with relationships now!" Said Love God. "But I can fix that! With Love Potions!"

"Love potions?" Asked .GIFFany. "oh, Dove hates that shit. She's going to kill you and save us."

The Love God laughed and slapped .GIFfany. "Really? I'm a lot more powerful than you think."

"In canon you were stopped by a balloon." Said Melody, but Love God slapped her.

"Well that's because the world wasn't being threatened by then like it is with Mable the Typomonster! Look, I'm gonna place the world under a giga love potion three hours before Mable kills all of us, so that we'll all be in a glorious orgy of anyone and everyone before we die!"

"That sounds fucking disgusting." Said .GIFFany. She got slapped by the Love God.

Love God looked to the air and held his hands up. "It's only for three hours, so it's okay! But think of all the things that can happen in three hours! Fucking! (If you have low stamina.) Pregnancy! That starts a family! It's magic, so it's totally consensual!"

"He's not stopping!" Said Soos. "Who are you, the Devil?"

Love God didn't slap him, he slapped Melody. "Oh, if that 'Bill Cipher' guy is the Devil, then I'm something so much worse! I think it's time for me to reveal my true form!"

Satanic chants began playing around and evil symbols floated up as the vision got all distorted and shit. The Love God opened his mouth and then a bunch of snakes with spiders for teeth bursted out, so many that it looked like they were choking him. Then his chest bursted in to arms that had maggots for nails, and then he just transformed in to what looked like a giant bleeding goat skull with "666" written on it that had clusters of realistic human-sized eyes in its eye sockets. There was more transformations and he looked like that Cartman Trapper Keeper ((A reference to this a movie called Ikea?) and then there was an explosion and his final for was really trully revraled for real:...

He just looked like the Love God, but with his skin red, he had horns, a devil tail, bat wings, and a lot of "666" tattoos. He was also wearing nothing but a loincloth.

A long loincloth.

He held a pitchfork.

 **"I AM THE LUST DEVIL!"** Said the Love God. Or should I say Lust Devil because that's his true form. **"NOW, PREPARE TO BE POTIONED!"**

Then a green blur knocked them away. It was Professor Eve!

"Hey I'm actually kind of still evil. I want to fight." She said, also breaking their chains.

"Soos," Said .GIFfany, "Let's fight Eve together, Melody and Rumble, you get backup with the other copies and we'll take on that red guy over there."

"Hrm..." said Lust Devil, "Interesting that you split yourselves up accordingly like tat. It seems like Rumble and .GIFfany and Soos, as well as melody with Soos and .GIFfany, are having some relational issues..."

"DON'T TRY TO CONSEL US if yoursolution is just drugs." Said Rumble. "Winners don't do drugs and that's the AMERICAN way, and in America, VOTING! Isn't there a kind of... surgery? That's the more American option. At least, Hank thinks so."

"Dude!" Said Melody. "Hank is running against me for president! For the different party!"

"Oh. Right."

* * *

So Soos and .GIFfany were running away from Eve, while Lust Devil teleported to the entrance and got his army ready. Thanks to the advanced Dove-created spytech, however, Melody and Rumble were able to follow him to that point. And they got ready for whatever he could bring...

Suddenly the Lust Devil showed up in a GIGANTIC ZEPPILEN!

"AHHHHH HA HAH AHAHA!" He cried "your fucked now. AND THEN AFTER YOU'RE FUCKED, YOU'LL BE FUCKEDING! I WILL FUCK YOU BACK IN WAYS YOU'LL NEVER IMAGINE!"

"We have to do something! Shouted Melody."

"But what?" Asked Rumble. "His power level is unstoppable!"

"Don't we have our custom mechas? Our Fighting Spirit Spiral Power can do anything! ...Right?"

Oh yeah. Theey did. So uh, mechas. Right. Rumble and Melody got in to these new mechas Nzyvo designed just for them; they were parts of a bigger mecha caled the Hexaseximal (no this is not some Tumblr thing), and Rumble's just looked like some naked kung fu dude while Melody's was clothed and just some feminine design.

"Alright Lust Fucekr!" Shouted Melody. "DIE!"

"Heheheh 'Fucker,' did you know that's a compliment to me?" He replied. "Because Lust?"

"EW no... DIE!"

Both of their mechs could fire missiles.

The zepplin didn't take much damage.

"Okay I'm bored. SSEXY SKELETEONS! GO!"

Suddenly a bunch of flying mechs came out! And each of them had skeletons on them! Skeletons with eyelashes and in bikinis, and had wings!

"WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELLLL!" They said. It was a lot of skeletons, too, like from a distance they looked like a starry sky.

"OH FUCK!" Shouted Rumble.

"H-hey... we can do this..." said Melody.

The Lust Devil then jumped down and proceeded to kick the shit out of Melody's mecha, while only one of the skeltons with Rumble lept down and slapped his mech back and forth.

"WE'RE DEMONS FROM !" Said the skeleton as more came down and they still slapped Rumble around.

"Shit, this is bad!" Shouted Melody. Then the Lust Devil punched her mecha and sent her flying back i nto the a building of .GIFfany Land.

"You shou,d be jealous that you're not fuckling Lust Devil. WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELL!" Said another skeleton attacking Rumble.

""WHOO! Said Lust Devil. "PREPARE TO ALL DIE!"

He began firing even more over at Melody, even though he already knocked her in to a building and that tends to be a "vilkain just walk away" moment (he's a huge dick) He laughed even when Rumble tried to hit in to him, barely leaving a mark.

"OH, you are PATHETIC Kung Fu Man1 Demons from Hell, after him!"

"WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELLL!" Shouted the skeletons as they continued swarming him ,not even his Hadokens or Shorookens could fight back.

* * *

Meanwhile, Soos and .GIFfany vs Professor Eve.

"DIE OR BE MINE AND WITH ME!" Eve yelled, her mecha (Monoseximal, it was like the combined Hexaseximal total - which is a giant rainbow naked woman mecha - except it doesn't have 16 components and it's just like faceless and nippleless and crotchless. Not buttless though, hot.) getting a bunch of yandere buz saws to try to dismember Soos.

"Wait now! Can I talk this out like the millions of other yous?" Soos asked.

"YOU DID NOT PICK BE WITH ME, SO DIE!" Her mecha fired lasers.

Groaning, Soos and .GIFfany got in to their own Hexaseximal mechas and Soos just rapid-fired a lot of his own missiles. He had better experience playing video games with missiles so he could hit her better.

Let's hurry this shit up. Soos just kind of blaasted the Monoseximal with a lot of missiles and knocked her out, then he lept out and shouted "LET'S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!" and punched Eve in the face.

"Okay I'm better." Said Eve.

"The lesson is that if my penis doesn't work, use my fists instead!" Said Soos.

.GIFfany just kind of stared at him.

"Soos, what the-"

Then some light came from below.

The Lust Devil suddenly broke through the ground, with his own mecha - it looked like a Satan mecha! Eve, .GIFfany, and Soos all flew threw the air.

"HAAHAHA!" He shouted. "I GOT TIRED OF KICKING MELODY'S ASS! SO NOW I'M GONNA KICK YOURS!"

"Please don't hurt me!" Shouted Soos.

"Oh, I only hurt women."

He impaled .GIFfany through the back with a pitchfork. OH SHIT!

"No! :(" Said Eve, as she too was now good. "This was my fault for still being evil, Melody and Rumble could have acted as backup."

Lust Devil flashed an evil grin as he looked up at Eve and Soos.

"That's right! You're all fuckrd now!"

A titanic explosion came from around .GIFfany as she screamed like Kamina in _Gurren Lagann_. (I'm not implying that she sounds like a man just this is a reference to his death.)

Rumble's mecha jumped down holding Melody's mecha in its arms, with Rumble and Melody inside them. They looked at the deaths and were like "Shit."

"HAHAHAHA!" Shouted Love God. "you pathetic people and your 'I wanna try things WITHOUT magicing people together!' Pathetic."

"Where's thwe other copies?" Asked Soos. "They should help us."

"They're dealing with the demons from hell!" Shouted Lust Devil. We saw a tiny bit of them in colorful mechas that looked a lot like naked women robots fighting against the skeletons bots. "So now they're kinda evenly matched!"

Three of them (skeletons not copies) dropped down.

"WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELLL!" Said one of them.

"Now, I get to kick Melody's ass some more, while you skeletons take on the other three."

So they fflew up and while they were fighting we saw .GIFfany start to stand up, covered with blood and having a giant hole threw her.

"Urgh, there's noise going on. Stop the racket." She said, then get her mech and looked at the status screen.

"On second thought..." Said lust Devil asa new skeleton snuck up on Melody (shouting "WE'RE DEMONS FROM HELLLLL!"), he jumped back down towards around .GIFfany. "I wanna finish all over Giffany first." He got her name wrong too. What a huge dick1

He tossed two fingers foreward, and some kind of light chain (ripping off Tabuu from _Smash Bros for Wii U_ ) struck foreward and in to her "heart."

"Control!" He shouted as the chain hit her.

"Alt!" He used his other hand to bring up some kind of code input key. There was a lot of technical shit, but at the bottom was "プログラムを削除しますか？" A mock-keyboard showed up below, and he nearly put his finger to the enter key since it was on "YES."

"And... DELE-"

"HANDS OFF OF MY GIRLFRIEND PUNCH!" Shouted Soos, who punched Lust Devil hard with his mecha-fist. Melody repeatedly kicked him in the balls, then Rumble threw a fireball at his balls. That's what teamwork lookslike.

"Soos." Said .GIFfany. "Let's finish this creep off together. To combine, as one. The Hexasexmimal."

Play _Thrust Through the Heavens With Your Spirit_ as you read this:

So then they each hopped to their mechas, and those four mechas (Rumble, Melody, Soos, annd .GIFfany) combined to make one of the components of the Hexaseximal similar-looking to the larger humanoids used by the other professors. Then the professors got a heroic second wind (TV Tropes) from battling the skeletons and used their elements powers to push them back, and they made it to the center and they all combined to the giant Mecha HEXASEXIMAL, which just looked like sixteen naked robot women piled together (I already explained this but I don't care GURREN LAGANN!). Oh yeah, sixteen: The RunGif professors from Rose to Dove were 14 of them, .GIFfany's four-fusion and Eve made 15 and 16.

"Do you really think 16 faces makes you great?" Asked the Lust Devil. "DIE!"

"It is not the faces, it is the love involved!" Shouted Melody.

"The burning desire that transcends man and machine!" Cheered Soos.

"Together our hearts burn without the need of that love potion bullshit, we can do just fine on our own!"

"Together!"

"Hexa-"

"Seximal-"

Melody nd Soos both shouted " **WHO THE** _ **FUCK**_ **DO YOU THINK WE ARE!** (Actually Soos said **WHO THE** _ **FU**_ **\- I'M SORRY I DON'T SWEAR -** _ **CK**_ **DO YOU THINK WE ARE** )" And all of the skeleton ships within a twenty five mile radius exploded. From them shouting awesomely.

"Our hearts will beat on through this polygamous clusterfuck!" Said .GIFFany.

"We'll kick you in the butt, and still save the world and date and everything!" Said Soos.

"Even when... uh, badguys do bad things, we'll... do good things?" Asked Rumble. "I'm not very good at that."

"That's okay, sexy!" Said Soos. "Just keep us that fighting spirit and we'll kick this fudger in the butt!"

Meanwhile the other copies were finished fighting off against the skeleton "DEMONS FROM HELLLLL..." and suddenly th Lust Devil found himself with a lot of the mechas that looked like the pre-timeskip .GIFfany mecha by Nzyvo but sexier.

"Uh oh... wait! I know fiction!" Said the Lust Devil. "This is the Conversation of Ninjutsu! You're all weak just because it's one against many! I'll beat you all like One-Punch Man beats Babos!"

For some reason I tried looking up Babos but only got this Pokemon thing. He's a cool Pokemon I think he's in Sun and Moon. (While we're talking about _Gurren Lagann_ and _Pokemon_ , since they did a Sun and Moon they should make a Pokemon Galaxy.)

Anyway the .GIFfanys were hot and badass and they steal screentime like Uchihas so they all just used a bunch of fancy matter-manipulation powers to blast the Lust Devil's ass. This also bruned off his loincloth revealing a giant censor bar underneath.

"AHHH!" He shouted. "THIS HURTS LIKE HELL!"

Then the Hexaseximal uppercutted him.

"BACKUP! I NEED BACKUP!" He shouted. Then he got on his phone and all but one of the skeletons were dead. That last opne';s skull landed on his shoulder.

"WE'RE DEMONS FROM HEL-" Then Sonia shattered it with a bitchin' rock solo. Because the "Four Friends" group is kinda underused I wanna use them a little more.

"THAT'S IT! SUPER ULTRA VISIONS OF HEARTBREAK'S PAST!"

He glowed in purple symbols and used that to try to inception the Hexaseximal! He then ended up in a television browsing the memories, but there was something wrong...

From Soos' perspective, for a split-second he lost memory and ended up in the Mystery Shack. But then it glitched up and he saw some of School University, the USA stage froom Fight Fighters, and some of Melody's kinky sex bedroom.

"YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!" Shouted Lust Devil. "HOW ARE YOUR MEMORIES MERGING LIKE THIS?"

"We linked up our minds lightly with Spiral Power..." ssaid .GIFfany. "You can't fool ANY of us, ssince we won't remember being there so we know these aren't our memories!"

Then the illusion exploded! Use your imagination of what that look like. And that sent the Lust Devil back, over to where that drill broke in to four pieces was.

Then the Hexaseximal dropped by the drill pieces. You should know where I'm going with this.

"Soos. Listen." Said .GIFfany. "Not matter what happens, follow your own love. Your real love. Not the obsession that believes in you that I had. Not some potion bullshit that I don't believe in. Believe in the relationship that believes in you believing the you that believes in yourself."

The .GIFfany-fusion mech jumped out of the HExaseximal, and that brooke in to the compartment mechas just by .GIFfany, Rumble, Soos, and Melody. They did this cool combo thing: Rumble gave the Lust Devil a flurry of punches, then .GIFfany stood below him (below Lust Devil, not Rumble) and struck him with lightning so that he was sent upwards. Soos and Melody's mechs formed a Sonic-like ball (not Creepypasta Sonic from chapter 3, the good Sonic) that pinballed off fo Rumble and .GIFfany, they both stayed balled up but Melody double-kicked at him several times. Then they flipped and Soos took out a questionmark thingy, which multiplied like the shades did of Gurren Lagann. Soos slapped him with the question mark and they held him in the air, which caused a galaxy to show up behind him (it's just for show they're not suddenly in space) The four mechs dropped by the drill pieces, and each of them picked one up and grabbed it.

"FINISHING... MOVE!" Rumble, Melody, and Soos, and especially .GIFfany all yelled.

"MEGA SUPER AWESOME LOVE FOURSOME HIGH-FIVE!" They then charged back together and high-fived, bringing the four pieces of the drill to glow and then get fixed back together with spiral energy. It then jumped off of them, grew a lot bigger (big enough for the city-sized Hexaseximal), the four got in to their bigger .GIFfany mech and it re-combined to the Hexaseximal - which grabbed the big drill.

Then the Hexaseximal rose rhe drill in the air, it began glowing green, and it got even bigger.

"GIGA!" They shouted. "DRILL!"

And then fire shot from its base as the mech began charging over to the Lust Devil's evil ass.

" _ **BREAKKKK!**_ "

"NOPE!" Cried the Lust Devil, sounding like a Tumblr. He broke out of the questionmark holding his right arm and managed to jump, but his left leg still got caught by the drill. The Hexaseximal landed and put the drill back away in it. A huge explosion came from the spot where the drill hit, blowing up his lower-left part with an explosion that was shaped like a rainbow heart. The Lust Devil had like this _Hellsing_ -looking shadow blood mist stuff where he was injured, but was barely able to stand. He coughed.

"Okay, fine. If you insist on not having true love getting potioned to you, then do that. But when your relationship fails and you end up single, you'll wish you had a nice, fresh vial of my love po-"

And then Finalayer Shacken Lagann stepped on him, killing him for good.

I didn't want him to die from a Giga Drill Break because that's too cool of a death for a piece of shit like him. He dosn't deserve it. So he gets crushed like a bug. Like Zorin did in _Hellsing._

"Dudes, you're okay!" Said Soos. "But I thought you were, like, fighting more Mable mecahs. How did you beat them?"

"We didn't." Answered Mabel.

And then an explosion happened. It was the mech bosses!

"Yeah, we just chased them away with our mecha." Said dipper. "But now they're fighting back even though we have even _more_ backup now for some reason."

Ass Kick Ass Reap was throwing a huge rain of fireballs that made giant crators on the ground yelling "I HAVE FIRE OF JUSTICE", but Finalayer Shackan Lagann was a ble to Giga Drill Break him and he exploded, easier than with regular Shackan Lagann. That left two of them.

"Leave Soos for mine!" Shouted .MP4 Prime as her eyes flashed red. The other two bots flashed their eyes white. "I want him qwith me forever!"

.GIFfany, still injured from the fight, laughed to herself. "Oh, that past me..."

.MP4 Prime started firing a shitload of lasers like the Destroyer from _Terraria_ , but .GIFfany just went "Eh, fuck you" and swung a fist of the Hexaseximal to blow it up.

Fleshsteel roared and started running after the two big Arc Gurren Lagann-sized mechs (FYI that's the relative size scale here, both Hexaseximal and Finalayer Shackan Lagann are about that size) and tried to send out these tentacle thingies. But Mabel just shouted "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE PUCNH?" And made a giant drill, and upercutted her, which puncheed her with so much spiral energy that it caused the energy to tear a hole in space and she fell through to an X-shaped rip in the sky where she exploded i nsome other dimension.

But that dimension was the Nightmare Realm! Oops! More on that later. We still got one last robot.

Ass Kick Ass Reap (he's named after this hotsauced talked about by Vinesauce Joel) (EDIT: Wait, didn't I already kill him? Eh, just pretend that hit didn't finish him off just that it blew him up) just threw a bunch of fireballs at the two mechs. Nzyvo kind of got sicvk of this and said. "YOU WANT FIRE BALLS? HOW ABOUT THESE FIREBALLS?"

"Fireballs? Yum!" Said Yoshi, who cameo-

Actually no that's a stupid overused outdated joke. Forget that. This chapter is long enough as-is without pop culture meme shit bogging it down.

Finalayer Shackan Lagann just used a drill like an umbrella (this is kindnof like Part II of Gurren Lagann when Simon does different things with a drill) and the two gigantic mechas just ran over towards him and both of them fist-bumped with him in the middle so their fists crushed him. He exploded.

"I think Michael Bay built these or something." Said Mabel, laughing at the forced pop culture references.

"Okay that's done." Said Soos. "Now to get .GIFfany to the hospital!"

"NOT SO FAST!" Cried someone from the spacetime rip Mabel just made. It was Bill Cipher, who floated out.

"Oh yay, I have a physical form now! You motherfuckers are going to taste the party of Weirdmageddon! I mean, Mable's gonna end your pathetic world anyway, why not I have some fun wiht it and end it SOONER?"

"MABLE WILL NOT END THIS WORLD! WE'LL FIGHT BACK! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE!" Shouted Mabel. "Also, did I just rip that portal? oops."

"OOPS!?" Shouted Ford, who finally came out of the Mystery Shack and invented a teleporter to appear over there. "YOU UNLEASHED THAT ASSHOLLE AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS 'OOPS?' Yeah that's the word I would have used too. You used it perfectly and gramatically forrect."

Soos played with some controls and .GIFfany dropped from her mech to his. She already had her eyes clothes and brushed a hand along his hair, smiling.

"Later, buddy..." .GIFfany said.

"I'm taking her to the medical unit here. Which is pretty much just Dove's mecha since it's so big. Anyawy, you rest of you fight these guys later."

Also Mable herself appeared.

 **"I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM STILL GOING TO APOCALYPSE YOU SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW!~ YOU MAY HAVE TAKEN OFF SOME OF MY MINIONS, BUT I HAVE SHITTONS MORE!"**

Mable teleported away before Mabel could punch her with Finalayer Shackan Lagann.

* * *

 **(Medical Unit)**

.GIFfany woke up, now naked but covered in bandages a lot (basically not really naked, but her boobs were out so maybe that counts) and saw Soos by the hospital bed.

"Where's Melody, Rumble, and the other copies?" She asked.

"They're out fighting, but I needed to be here to heal you. You know, it takes a good person to kind of help fight with Eve and the Lust Devil back there. You are cool."

"Aw, that wasn't necessary."

"You should be fully healed in two seconds."

So then two seconds later, .GIFfany stood iup and the bandages fell to the ground and formed a spiral shape like it was symbolic of a butterfly leaving the coccoon or a mummy coming back to life. And the spiral shape was symbolic of her personal character arc growth over the meta-narrative. She stood there naked, like the artistic naked where it's beautiful, not like the sexy naked she was earlier in the story or the funny naked that Soos is right now.

"Wanna do it?" Soos aske.d

"Okay. But first! I almost forgot, I promised to show you my third type of new underwear..."

You know what I don't know how to originally top the candy thong so I'll just be lazy and ripoff _Superhero Movie_.

It was a thong made of dental floss.

Strawberry-flavored dental floss because of .GIFfany's pink.

* * *

Outside, everyone heard Loud Niagara screams coming from Soos.

"What the fuck was that?" Asked Bill.

Soos replied, "Oh, 'fu - I'm sorry I don't swear - ck' is the right word all right. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Oh yeah, and Rumble has this new power to make him as strong as the .GIFfanys. He can Mega Man-like copy their powers if he beats them in a friendly sparring match. I should have said that earlier this chapter so that I could end it with Soos bragging about his sex life but... on second thought, this might have been the better way to end the chapter.

BYTO OSHS CGYZCZZ EYO BYTO WLMH RHNJCPL.

(Hint: It's a Key Vigenere, something that's been said a lot this chapter, without the extra "L"s at the end.)

* * *

 **Closing AN:**

Well, this chapter is probably the closest the fic really comes to "bashing" anything. Although the stuff about Dan and Tambry's "politicial opinions" will be kind of a very, very minor subplot for the next two chapters. Just to give my stance right now: both sides basically represent jerks on the internet, I don't believe in acting like a jerk. Dan's side is like the "majority-bashing" crowd that basically thinks cross-cultural interaction should be kept to a minimum and do pretty bad things in the name of justice. Tambry's side is like those edgy people who think anything remotely related to adding diversity is some kind of evil conspiracy from Dan's censorship-obsessed crowd, and do pretty bad things in the name of comedy (specifically, _Family Guy_ -esque 13 year old "if I just blurt out offensive-sounding stuff and rely on LE DANKIZT MEMEZZ LUL it's funny"). Neither side I like but if you ask me which one I like less I'll go with the latter mostly because I see them more often - they're on Youtube comments and I go to Youtube way more than Tumblr and stuff, even though I actually use my Tumblr accounts (I just mostly post things there, rather than interact with many other posts. Plus like all three of the blogs I follow are dead I think, and they were _Homestuck_ blogs and you're probably sick of hearing me say my opinion on _Homestuck_ now).

I want to say that I think my stance on "The Love God" is probably more controversial than anything else here, given that the actual "politics" were basic and in-name-only (it's more of a parody of how it feels like some anime has what looks like a unique concept but it's really just a backdrop to the same old cliches. In this case, the backdrop is an election... but oh look! Even though this is supposedly about politics, we _still_ have time for a hot springs episode! And people using super powers! And... actually, other things for the next two chapters that I don't want to give away) and that I'm pretty sure neither of the groups I made fun of with Tambry and Dan would probably be reading this far (the former would be turned off by naked Soos and me making fun of ENF back in Chapter 4, the latter would be turned off by... I don't know, maybe Not-Bill back in Chapter 3?) anyway. This, on the other hand, is basically making fun of an episode that's at least _defended_ (that's actually kind of what bothers me about the episode - unlike, say, "The Hero" from _Gumball_ or even "Roadside Attraction" from this series, I see a lot more people trying to block out the creepy execution and go "No, no, this is real love!") in the fandom. Uh, I don't actually _hate_ hate the episode as much as the literal demonization of the title character may imply. I was trying to write him in as much of an over-the-top dick as I possibly could. I can kind of understand where the premise was going, but the way it was handled - even with the "Oh it wears off in three hours" - really rubbed me the wrong way and kind of felt like something from a creepy fanfiction. Before anyone goes "Oh, you think _that's_ a creepy fanfiction you've obviously never heard of this thing where Dipper chops Mabel in to pieces and eats them" I don't mean creepy like "Someone obviously trying to get a disgusted reaction from the fandom," I mean "a 13-ish year old who doesn't fully understand how love works and how manipulating others mentally is a creepy concept beneath the surface but tries to write something genuinely romantic and it just comes off as creepy by accident." Case in point: I've seen just a few fan fics that use the potions to justify "whacky shipping hijinks." Anyway, do not take this chapter to say that I legitimately prefer this... polygamy four-way thing. I already said this in my profile (but thinks it bears repeating), but I _do_ in fact know that .GIFfany was an abusive, murder-happy piece of garbage, and I actually kind of some times think that maybe her ending up in a relationship was too _nice_ of a fate with her, but then again she also exchanges fire and lightning balls with Rumble so... I guess that makes up for things. Considering Weirdmageddon where he actually learned more about the real world and became "Humble McSkirmish," maybe even Rumble doesn't deserve to be saddled with someone like her. I don't know. The show's over and wasn't meant to provoke gigantic essays about that subject anyway. I just like over-complicating stuff, which is why _run:gifocalypse_ basically turns "Soos and the Real Girl" in to "kinda like a cheap version of _OFF_ , but with fifteen zones instead of five."

Basically, I just wanted to see how much I could demonize the Love God much like how I see how much I could sexualize .GIFfany.

The stuff Burnda said about well-written characters was not supposed to reflect my opinion. In-universe she was just messing with my self-insert. I thought it would be funny if, instead of the self-insert being some Totally Cool Author Guy(TM), he was just another weirdo character with the added gimmick that he happens to represent the guy who wrote the story. GPF in-fic is just a persona partially based on my... _louder,_ earlier days on the internet that I'm ashamed of (probably best examplified by the old _Total Drama World Tour Rewrite_ ).

Anyway, the Soos-harem stuff is finally "over" in the sense that they won't be stealing the spotlight as much for following chapters. Next up, as I said before, we'll be focusing on Ford and McGucket and Stan. And, due to how relationships have been set up, the last of this "group of four" is the Summerween Trickster. So enjoy more of that. I will say right now that despite this chapter's ending, I can't _quite_ promise you more Bill. Heh heh heh.


	7. Oh Look, it's Weirdmageddon

**The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage**

 **Chapter 7: Oh Look, it's Weirdmageddon but I Promise it Won't be a Rehash of Canon**

 **Beginning AN:**

You can probably tell that I was somewhat directionless with this chapter. Ironically, I think it was around the time the election plot came in that I really started to buckle down and focus on writing this. Just a warning in advance.

* * *

So Bill and his buddies were goofing off in the apocalypse world. ...That was during Mable the Typomonster's apocalypse. Ford shook his fists angrilly, and McGucket came out like "Uh what I'm sudednly a main character now?"

So there was also Stan, who walked in and was like "WOW these mechas got bigger and there's suddenly a triangle! Also, Soos's girlfriend mecha is even HOTTER! Wow!"

...I forgot if Gideon was good now or not. Uh, looking back the only mention of him in Chapter 6 was his Mechanical Boss counterpart. And in Chapter 5, he was just... kind of forgotten about. So he's still evil? He went up to Bill and was happy.

"HEY!" Shouted Gideon. "CAN WE WORK TOGETHER TO RULE THE WORLD NOW?"

"Um... no." Said Bill. "Honestly, seeing that _**fucking abomination**_ Not-Bill, I don't really actually want anything to do with you anymore."

Gideon frowned.

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS _NOT_ THE FAULT OF ME!" I kind of forgot a bit about Gideon since writing that huge load that was Chapter 6 so for some reason I'm thinking of like a Nic Cage-like hammy performance. If they ever do a _Gravity Falls_ movie where everyone is given new celebrities voice actors, Gideon should be Nick Cage.

"Yeah, buuuut..." said Bill, "That was so disgusting and also you're pretty useless. PRAISE MABEL for opening the portal with her punch!"

"Spiral power!" Said Ford. "Ass, I should have known! That's the best way to get to another world! I had no Spiral Power myself..."

"Neither do I..." Said Stan.

"Is that a bonding moment? You're still out of my lab, you know." Ford told Stan. And that was angst because they were in a troubled relationship of siblings. Kind of like Dipper and Pacifica, whose refusal to kiss started this whole mess (but that makes sense because htey're brother and sister so them kissing would be gross).

"ANYWA," Said Gideon, "I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD WITH YOU STILL!"

"Nah." Bill replied.

"What?! Are you trying to betray ME! Because only Nzyvo can do that!"

"What will you do for me? I'm already in this world."

"Well, if I work for you, I can promise that I WON'T TRY TO KILL YOU!"

"Really?" Asked Bill. Then he turned big and red. "BRING IT ON!"

But then suddenly Bill looked like he was sarting to disintegrate.

"Oh no! It's my stupid components! Argh, in that other multiverse, they're disintigrating! CURSE YOU, NEPETA LEIJONNNNNNNNN!"

Then he just disolved in to green dust. This is a reference to how he was originally going to be green.

The Henchmaniacs were like "...The hell happened to him? Is he dead?"

(If you want to know, it's gonna be answered in HOUSESTUCK: THE SPLIT, the grand finale of SBIG that's not out yet! But yes he's "dead.")

Unlike Bill's canon death this didn't just erase the Weirdmageddon. The giant rift thing and the Henchmaniacs were still there.

"Uh... now what?" Asked 8 Ball.

Teeth shrugged. "Fuck, I'm still gonna break stuff if nobody minds."

"WE MIND!" Dipper shouted at him. Pacifica, who was by Finalayer and thus Finalayer Shackan Lagann, just stayed silent. But then Pacifica kinda also hid in the shadows, very mysteriously.

"... _Not you_ you morons! You don't count! Now, who's with me of starting this party without our MC? ...Wait, I don't know what 'MC' means. 'Master Chief?' 'Mega Chef?' 'Magma Cokc?'"

"Did someone say 'co - I'm sorry I don't swear - ck?'" Asked Soos. "Because if we're talking about that kind of thing, I want to weigh in."

"Me Tooo!" Said Meloy.

"No you moron imbicils!" Said Teeth. "We're demons from He- I mean, the Nightmare Realm, and we're gonna PARTY!"

And then disco rap music began playing as the Henchmaniacs all went "WHOO!" and started throwing shit around and knocking over tables. They were jerks!

"WE'RE GOING TO STOP THEM!" Said Mabel. "Gigan... Drill... BREAK!"

And then that move easily drilled through Hectorogon and he expl,oded. The other henchmaniacs looked at that and were like "OH SHIT!"

"Well..." said Teeth. "THAT looks tougher than I thought! I guess maybe we'll have to step Weirdmagedon up a bit! Everyone! Consider getting mechs!"

And then Mable returned. She looked at Finalayer Shackan Lagann and glared at it.

 **"Just to let you know the mechanical Bosses"** (AN this is based on _Terraria_ if you didn't get it.) **"Still exist. Prepare to face off against four more of them soon."** She said that and then disappeared. Kind of a dick move, to be complletely honest.

Suddenly the Henchmaniacs had their mechas! Well actually the Lust Devil and his DEMONS FROM HELL didn't use mechas so maybe they'll have something else.

Hrm...

Oh, I know! They ride on giant beasts like that Cthulhu-ish thing, and... what, there was a giant ear?

"LET'S BATTLE!" Yelloed Teeth. He was on not any of them, which seemed odd, but he'll see this later.

"We got this..." Said Melody as the Hexaseximal tried to dash foreward-

Instead they just got knocked over by a FALCON PUNCH from the giant ear that 8 Ball rode on.

"You mother fuckers!" Yelled Melody. And suddnely that Lumberjack sign from the intro (except covered in RED AND ORANGE AND YELLOW AND BROWN leaves because AUTUMN) also fired a bunch of axe missiles at the Hexaseximal and that ended up keeping them busy. Pyronica was riding on it.

"Sorry dudes!" Said Soos as he returned to his mech position from his sex position with .GIFfany. "You're kind of on your own while we have to fight them!"

"But-" Said Mabel. "On my own..."

"At least I'm woith you." Dipper said, although kind of annoyed for some reason.

"Aw, thanks. Never leave my side ever, okay?" Asked Mabel. "Or else I'll die without you constantly in mmy life."

Then Teethblasted the Finalayer Shackan Lagann with a blast. And he laughed because he was a dick.

Ford looked at all off this and shook his head. Then Xanthar and 8 Ball jumped next ot him.

"Oh hey," Said 8 Ball, "You're that guy that did that thing."

"Fuck off." Replied Ford. "That goes for you two Stan I'm still mad at you since you made that portal."

"But actually," said Stan, " _That_ rift up there was- uh nevermind. Gotta protect Mabel's secret identityy. OH SHOOT DID I JUST SAY MABEL BECAUSE-"

"I already knew about Mabel being the one who opened that portal. Still, you took over my house and did dumb shit like risking universe destruction with that portal. So fuck off while I kill these things. This should go by easily and I'll be able to defeat them and move on tto being a researcher alone by myself."

Then he saw McGucket there as well.

"Oh dear." Said Ford. "We have past angst."

"Who are you?" Said McGucket. "I think I used a memory gun to wipe out all stuff about you and the weird shit you found."

Ford started to weep.

"Well, crap. I'm going back to my lab to find a way to destroy these things."

And then the Trickster materialized by them.

"Hi there Ford." Said the Trickster. "I'm fucking your brother, so can I weigh in here too?"

But Ford already disappeared.

* * *

Ford was in his lab thinking "Hmmmm... I should probably use the mecha I had hidden too... that can also transform in to a lava-proof ship..." So he flipped some switches and some dumb tiny book-looking thing was there. It was the user manual. "But then again that's only IF lava comes in to play..."

The Journals walked up behind him. It's pretty easy for me to forget that they even exist in this story seeing how different the beginning is to this part right now. Same with the Golden Goddess (and Modascend). Actually, they showed up too, because Dipper and Mabel were doing just find without them.

"Oh. Right. I forgot about you being cursed or something." Ford sighed. "So you're like my research but you're now rude."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING RUDE, YOU MACHINE-FUCKER!" Shouted Journal 3.

"The 'Machine Fucker' in any case might actually be Soos..." Said Journal 1.

"A true hero seeks neither fame nor women, just to kill the bad guys." Journal 3 said. "Anyway, author, if you really are a true hero, then how far must you come for this moment where evil is all around us?"

"I barried over the lab." Ford explained. "Now there should be no thing that can get in from Bill's apocalypse. Although I guess now it's Teeth's apocalypse after Bill's mysterious vanishing that can only be answered with _Housestuck: The Split_. Which will be kind of out soon, I promise."

"Excuse me." Farore broke in. "Uh, J3, how do you know about true heroism exactly? Heroism isn't just about killing bad guys."

"But it plays a part it in!" Said Din. "You know... power, and everything."

They both looked at Nayru.

"Nayru? Any tie breakers?" Asked Farore.

"Eh, hero is just dumb dictionary word. I don't really care." Said Nayru who was just reading a book. "Look, I'm kind of distant because Pacifica is being a mysterious bitch right now about Dipper angst, so sorry."

"I'D LIKE TO WEIGH IN!" Commented Hammithan. "YEAH, BEING A HERO _IS_ ABOUT KILLING BAD GUYS!"

* * *

 **(Flashback to how he got the barrier)**

Ford was walking in one of the few times he left the lab, with him going to the unicorn.

"HEY UNICORN!" Ford shouted.

"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU IMPURE ASSHOLE?!" The Unicorn shouted back. Celestabethabella? I'm not even gonna bother with her name. It's worse than Schrodinger from _Hellsing_ , I can't spell that shit right off of memory.

"I NEED SOME HAIR FOR A BARRIER BECAUSE THE APOCALYPSE JUST HAPPENED!" Ford was talking about Mable's apocalypse not Bill's. That explains why he's able to get back to the lab/old (new? I'll just call it the lab from now on) Shack so quickly.

"FUCK OFF."

"BUT APOCALYPSE!"

"FUCK OFF!"

Then some spare lasers from the battle with Savior ended up setting the forest area on fire and the Unicorn went "Well shit here you go." instead.

Ford said "THANKS NOW _YOU_ FUCK OFF!"

"Oooh burn..."

Then she laughed because of the pun of her own place burning down. And yeah it was really burning. Like Stan's memories at the end.

* * *

"So we should be okay. Evil things are kept out in this border barrier."

"Does that include me because I'm supernatural?" Asked the Trickster.

"No. As you can see by the fact that you're here. It's _evil_ supernatural which is why in canon Rumble and those Golf Assholes were able to come in."

"Yay!"

Then the President of Canada broke in. How did he get in to Ford's ultra-secret lab? Because he's the fucking presedent of Canada!

"Your next challenge is about to begin, Stan." He said. "Well, eventually. I mean, it's today."

"But the apocalypse!"

"Watch this."

* * *

The President of Canada left and Stan, Ford, McGucket, and the Trickster followed. Keyhole walked over to the Shack and glared at them.

"Hey let's kill you." Said Keyhole.

The President of Canada just glared at Keyhole and he exploded.

"This is bull,shit to me." Said the President of Canada. "Even the Typomonster's mechs won't harm Canada. They're too scared of it. Come over there, it will be the one last piece of Earth that will survive... BUT, I kind of don't like your country if you are considering voting for a man who wants to ban porno..."

"Damn, even _Bill's group_ is afriad of Canada..." Said Ford.

"DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE AND HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE LIKE I KINDA EXPLAINED! Now Stanford Pines, if you stick with me in the next challenge you will be protected."

The brothers just looked at each-other. Ford glared at Stan and he laughed.

"Okay I'm gonna have an election now." Said Stan. "PS I kinda used also your name but still, but some times it's like my name?"

"Good. Bye." Replied Ford. "You're still an awful brother."

"And I don't want you to touch the kids."

They both turned away and crossed their arms. Mabel noticed this.

"Hrm..." she said. "Wow, how sad..."

* * *

Inside Finalayer Shackan Lagann, Nzyvo thought she could be an edgy badass and take over the controls. She kinda thought wrong but that's not until later, as right now she was fighting these giant floating head abominations with the power of the spirtal.

Meanwhile, Mabel went over to Dipper's section of the mecha. Which was just dropping from Lagann to the Mystery Shack.

"Dipper! Dipper! Dipper!" She said. "Remember that talk earlier about being your own person with Pacifica? The one that kind of started the apocalypse?"

"Huh? Why are you talking about that now?" Replied Dipper. "I uh... what about it?"

"Well, I'm suddenly thinking about it. Because of Stan and Ford, and I don't want us to become like them."

"Okay."

"You should bond more with Pacifica right now."

"I could save the world and Pacifica still wouldn't want to talk to me. I think it's better if we keep some distance for right now."

"But Dipper..."

"What can I do?"

"Uh... well uh, I'm not sure, but...

"Actually forget Pacifica because you abandoned her for twelve years but then again I also abandoned her, just don't leave me, okay Dipper?"

"Uh... well."

"Don't _ever_ leave by my side or I'll cry!"

Teeth somehow heard that and started laughing.

"Ha ha, wow. The Lust Devil was kind of right about part of you. Same with Mable."

"You know both of them?" Mabel asked.

"...I'm the Sloth Devil. You didn't get that E-mail from Mable?"

"What e-mail?"

"Didn't Mermando or the Sea Emperor tell you? Or better yet, e-mail you?"

"...Huh? Oh, wait. I think I remember now."

* * *

 _Flashback, a few months before the Mable apocalypse but after Chapter 5:_

 _Mabel was on the computer. She got this e-mail:_

 _"Hello Mabel Pines, I am all of your biggest issues personified, Mable the Typomonster. AKA the Pride Devil. I have been informed that you have finally been reunited with your other three siblings, and I assume that you will foreward this to them. Please do, because I hate sending multiple copies of the same e-mail. Mabel, your love interest Mermando is held by the Sea Emperor and forced to marry the Manatee Queen, but there is an agreement to let him go if you find the seven Devils Wanted by the Sea. I'm telling you this since you seem to like him: I know that beating me, the Pride Devil, is fucking impossible. The other six of them are... we were 'made together,' but we hate each-other. If you fail one of my rituals, I will start an apocalypse... which might piss off the other six Devils and they'll start doing bad things. Well, just thought I would let you know! Do everything exactly as I command and I will not destroy the world with robots! Maybe if you can kill the other six Devils - which I would like, I can't stand those idiots - then the Sea Emperor might just let Mermando free, knowing that killing me as the seventh and final one is literally_ _ **impossible**_ _."_

 _Mabel stopped reading at "I am all of your biggest issues personified" and looked offended._

 _"I have no issues! Fuck you, I'm perfect! Must just be a nolife virgin troll 40-something man who lives with his mom in the basement. Fuck you, Comic Book Guy, and fuck your comics!"_

 _She deleted the email._

* * *

"Ohhhh..." said Mabel. "So the Lust Devil - what a dick! - wasn't just a random dick, he was part of a group of seven."

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm just the 'next' of them, and one that happens to know Bill. Or, happened to have known Bill, since he's dead."

"He's just hiding! :(" Said Pyronica, whining. "I uh... I know this! Because I have a theory! Maybe he turned in to Nzyvo somehoe!"

"Dove already made a joke kinda related to Bill theories you're done." Said Soos. "I mean, not here, but in _run:gifocalypse_."

Pyronica just replied by using the lumberjack to punch Hexaseximal again. Hold on, I'm losing track of where everyone is... oh wait! I know! I can just cut the scene, and then when we're back, I'll list the positions everyone moved to offscreen!

* * *

Tambry and Dan were angrilly texting around on their smartphones.

"Fuck I hate Stan's SJW conspiracy in censorign boobs." Said Tambry. "It's just like _Naked and Afrid_ WHY HAVE THEM BE NAKED IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO CENSOR IT? THAT'S LITERALLY HE ONLY REASON TO HAVE NUDITY IS IF _WE_ CAN SEE IT!"

"Fuck I hate the white men for wanting to objectilize women by making them not appear fully clothed." Dan texted back. "THE REASON WHY GAY NAKED MEN IS OKAY IS BECAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL ART THAT SAVES THE WORLD AND ADDS THE NEEDED BEAUTIFUL HOMOSEXUALITY IN TO EVERYWHERE!"

They then looked at each other. Suddenly, news.

"TODAY WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DEBATE!" Announced news guy. "Blondulina, rebuplican nominee, versus democrat nominee Ryan Christian."

"Hahahaha, thanks News Guy." Said Ryan. He had a name, just that Ryan was being a dick. "Anyway, I'm here to talk about why clearly being the far left is the only right way for humans and anyone else is an idiot that must be 9/11'd. So, Female Sexy Hitler, what do you say you're going to do about child issues?"

"Um, I ask the questions." Said News Guy. "My question is: there's two apocalypses who do you think is gonna win?"

"What?" Asked Blondulina. "This is like nerd talk about superheroes, 'who's gonna win?' What about saving the country from both of them? Mabel Pines already defeated the Lust Devil guy that waged a war on .GIFfany Land, and the Lust Devil already had a lot of power."

Suddenly 8 Ball broke in.

""Um, hi." He said. "Do you know where rebuplican nominee president Stanford Pines is? I'm sorry, Mabel threw me around a lot and now I'm lost."

"...No." Replied both of them.

"HOWEVER!" Said Ryan. "I CAN tell you where DEMOCRATIC, LIBERAL nominee Ryan Christian is!" He grinned like an asshole and pointed to himself. "Right here."

"Mmmm... thanks but I've read your novel before - well, like the first ten pages of it - I'm out I don't even want to talk to you."

He just got on the microphone and announced:

"UH, STANLEY PINES! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DISAPPEAR IN TO YOUR STUPID LAB WITH YOUR STUPID BARRIER WITH THAT STUPID FUCKING UNICORN HAIR?"

* * *

L'ets actually look at the unicron for right now.

"...Boy that Ford guy fucking sucked." She looked up and saw the sky's rift thingy.

"Haha, I hope those dumbasses rot."

Then Finalayer Shackan Lagann dropped down from above. It turns out the Henchmaniacs just threw it down there.

"Hi there, unicorns I never met!" Said Mabel. "I'd love to talk to you and see more of you, but I have to fight some demons right now!"

Then one of the minions, uh... Teeth/Sloth Devil at this point, dropped. Final answer: Teeth's fighting the Pines, Pyronica's fighting Soos's gang, Stan's group has to fight... Keyhole? No wait, he was killed by the President of Canada. Urgh, so much shit to keep track of. I kinda hate this chapter even though it's a mid-story arc WEIRDMAGEDDON of all things. Maybe I shouldn't have killed Bill like that so suddenly. Then again, his death is important to the plot of _Housestuck: The Split_.

Anyway, right now is Teeth, the Sloth Devil.

"Wait," said Mabel, "'Love' God being the Lust Devil makes sense because he's a dick with loce potions, but what do you have to do with sloth?"

"I'm kinda lazy, and Weirdmageddon was formed in canon when you made a deal involving not wanting summer to end which I guess is not moving foreward and I guess that's like sloth not moving foreward like on the couche at home not moving foreward for the TV."

"Okay I guess you're sloth."

"Now time for my NEWER AND COOLER AUTUMN FORM! HURRRRARAAAGHH!"

And then he began to transforms! Now he looked like a hydra-ish thing... of teeth? I guess.

"THIS IS MY TRUE DEVIL FORM! NOW, FOR THE POWER OF SLOTHS!"

Suddenly Finalayer Shackan Lagann stopped moving.

"Oh, FUCK!" Shouted Mabel. "I really feel like procrastinating everything and not moving at all. I'm feel a lot lazier."

"Yeah, me too." Said Dipper, "Like, I barely even want to crack open a journal and read that."

"MWAH HA HA! YOU'RE LAZY NOW! THAT'S AN AMAZING ATTACK I HAVE!"

"I think I'm usually like this, hahahah." Said Mabel. BUT THEN THAT MADE HER REALIZE SOMETHING! And _Gurren Lagann_ music (I don't know pick a random song) began playing as she looked at her core drill.

"Wait... these Devils... embody parts of my problems? So uh, you're my not growing up?"

"No dipshit I'm your 'family must always stay by me and do what I want' part of you. Symbolically. Biologically I existed way before you did. Not growing up is uh... I dunno, Greed Devil?"

"Well that's confusing. I'd want to think about it, but I'm too lazy to do that. Nzyvo, how do you feel?"

"Just sleepy! Remember, my spiral energy-lack killing me!" Nzyvo said. That was a recap. "I _can't_ just slack off!"

"ARGH!" Cried Teeth. "Is that going to be the weakness of ALL SEVEN OF US?! That Nzyvo's dying-ness will keep her out of it?!"

"No, I AM feeling tired too it's just that I know that not acting for long will kill me. And sleep doesn't count because... um, dreams? It's the difference between actually being tired and just the LACK OF WANT to be active, which the latter is what kills me."

"Sounds needlessly complicated."

"And the .GIFfanys aren't?"

"You have a good point."

Teeth/Sloth Devil didn't even NEED a mecha! Yeah, his Hydra Form thingy. I don't think Lust had a mecha either, just a blimp. He just fired sloth beams and laughed.

"Well, I guess I'm the next powerful in line after Bill's random and sudden 'death,' so I should be the leader? That beam was pretty powerful after all."

Let me elaborate. The beam in question just kind of shot Finalayer Shackan Lagann back. Yeah.

And after being shot back, Finalayer Shackan Lagann just made a hammock and rested.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Asked Nzyvo. "Mabel, you NEED to kill him! Don't just sit there and rest!"

"Meh." Said Mabel. "I'll do it later."

* * *

So now let's get back to the Stans.

"Uh... guys?" Said the Summerween Trickster, who was looking outside the lab's window. And yes, the lab has a window, don't ask.

"WHAT THE FUCKK?" Asked Ford.

"The demons are coming over to us anyway."

"WELL MY BARRIER CAN BLOCK THEM OFF! NOW, STAN, YOU RAN FOR PRESIDENCY UNDER MY NAME kinda?, SO I CAN SUDDENLY STEAL THE TITLE FROM YOU AND BECOME PRESIDENT IF I WIN!"

"...Ford no, that's bad." Said Stan. "I'm running for president to prove a point. Also my popularity is really low since I made that promise to ban porn."

"WELL THEN! I WILL JUST HAVE TO STEAL PRESIDENCY FROM YOU! AND IT WILL BE EASY BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMENTS OF BANNING P- uh, the economy. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't vote for someone who wants to ban the economy. Yeah, that's just me."

"That would be a bad idea."

8 Ball broke in.

"Urgh, I told you." Summerween rolled his eyes.

'HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK IN?" Asked Ford. "THIS THING IS BILL PROOF!"

"Yeah, but I have a VIP ticket."

"Oh, that makes sense."

Then Ford said "FUCK IT! I HAD BEEN NOT SUCCEEDING BEFORE! IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THEM!"

He punched 8 Ball in the face and started to have a badass fist-fight, which ended when suddenly Xanthar summoned an evil skull-fist thing (use your imagination on what that looks like) and punched him back.

"SHIT!" Shouted Ford. "I CAN'T DO IT ALONE!"

"I'M NOT HELPING YOU!" Stan shouted from the Mystery Shack.

"Can't you two just get along?" Asked the Summerween Trickster.

"Not really honey." Replied Stan. Of course it's Stan, because why would Ford call the Trickster "honey?"

McGucket just shrugged. "Ford, you're a dick." He said.

"Oh it's angst time now..." said Ford. "Look, you left because the portal made you see something bad. Something Bill-related. But now that Bill's gone, you should feel reconciliation. So, forgive me. I did nothing wrong, ever."

"...Wow." Said the trickster. "Yeah, no, I take back what I said. Ford, you're a dick. Gucket, you're right."

Ford got sad and began playing violin (he's good at fingering because he has six of them) and began twalking (AN that typo looks like twerking LOL what is this _Escape From Fanservice Island_ by Great Pikmin Fan?) by and away.

"YO are we njust non-existence?" Asked Xanthan. "Everyone's ignoring us it's pretty boring. And this apocalypse is supposed to be FUN! Let's make things FUN!"

Using his VIP pass, 8 Ball just set the whole lab on fire and had to drive everyone out.

"WELL, FUCK MY RESEARCH!" Shouted Ford. "STAN THAT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"BUT HOW?" Replied Stan.

"BECAUSE!"

But then thankfully Ford had his own TINY mecha because it's a coincidence (this is not the same as the one we'll see later this chapter): He called it the Sciencebot, and it showed a giant gold six-fingered hand like on the Journals.

And speaking of the Journals...

"HEY, CAN WE DO SOMERTHING TOO?" Asked Journal 3.

"Sure." Answered Ford. "Look through yourselves and see what I wrote about Bill's group. It's been 30 years since I read you, I forgot most of that shit."

"OKAY... dammit, I wanted to be important! Oh well, at least I'm not key-hunting! LOL!"

"Yeah... is it weird that I actually feel just a tiny bit bad for Dipper for that?"

"You shouldn't, I take back what I said about not key-hunting because that's actually kinda fun."

"Yeah key hunting is fun and Dipper's just a bitch."

"Speaking of which, weren't there like two 'special keys?' Nzyvo's 'Key that gets the other keys key' didn't get it."

If Journal 3 had eyes, they would have been really fucking wide.

"Oh... OH SHIT, I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT!"

And then he began running.

"DIPPERRRRR!" He cried. "DIPPPER, THIS IS REALLY FUCKING IMPOORTANT! REMEMBER THE KEYS! WE NEED TO GET BACK TO THAT NOW...!"

But Dipper obviously couldn't hear him because they were like a mile away. In fact he can't won't even catch up until the end of the chapter.

* * *

Speaking of Dipper, he and the others were getting their asses kicked.

"Okay," said Nzyvo, "Clearly maybe even Finalayer would work when turned in to a mecha. BUT! There's else we might be able to use."

"What's that?" Asked Mabel.

"You see, my branch of the Northwests also constructed a space station the size of Jupiter, that's a fake Jupiter."

"SHUT. UP. THAT'S AMAZING WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING THAT UP WHEN WE WER FIGHTING THE LUST DEVIL, WHAT A DICK!" Mabel got excited.

"Because we were fighting the Lust Devil, what a dick, and then now we were dealing with Bill. We had no time for this shit, just enough time to get to Fianlayer."

"Can we go there now?" Asked Mabel.

"Mmmm... maybe after we're finished with Sloth Devil and thus have some fucking space open to do that."

Sloth Devil just laughed, still in his badass hydra form.

"I'M ONE OF THE DEVILS, YOU IDIOT! YOU REALIZE THAT LUST DEVIL IS CONSIDERED THE _WEAKEST_ OF US! AND IT TOOK ALL THE .GIFFANYS TO KILL HIM! Or, get to a point where you guys and shit could kill him."

So then Finalayer Shackan Lagann just got in to fighting position.

"Now," said the Sloth Devil (Teeeth), "COME AT ME AS COOL AND KICKASS AS YOU CAN!"

In case you couldn't tell from the past six chapters, I'm actually bad at writing fight scenes so bear with me. Anyway, so then Finalayer Shackan Lagann ran up and did some mega-punch combo thing but then Teeth/Sloth Devil just kicked her back a little.

"SEE? YOU CAN'T! THIS IS THE POWER OF A DEVIL!"

Then Paci-Fier just walked in.

"Hey," he said, "do we 'normal demons' get this same shit too?" He asked.

Mabel just Giga Drill Broke him and he answered with "Okay that answers my question. I guess not. Bye!" And then exploded.

"HAH!" Said Sloth Devil. "Pussy! He's not like me! Now... SLOTH POWERS ACTIVATE... ACTUALLY, AGAIN-ISH BUT SOMETHING NEW!"

Then he spawned a mega-punch that acrually ripped Shackan Lagann out of Finalayer Shackan Lagann, not only leaving Nzyvo by herself, but shooting sending Dipper and Mabel far across the world.

"HAHAHA!" He shouted.

* * *

Meanwhile, Soos was already kinda against Pyronica and shit.

Yeah, Pyronica just kinda tried to get in to the Hexaseximal (she succeeded) and laughed, punching him in the jaw. Which was kind of a dick move because he had just been helping .GIFfany recover.

Then Soos went "Wait a minute! I still have some kind of power thing, don't I? Yeah, from all that training I was doing over the months!"

"What?" .GIFfany asked, zapping Pyronica but it didn't really do much.

"Yeah, I think I got an amulet or something that wasn't mentioned until just now. It works on demons."

"Why didn't you use it on the Lust Devil - WHAT A DICK - 's skeletons that kept saying they were demons from hell?"

"Because the plot said so. The plot says a _lot_ of weird things about me. Actually, no. They were skeletons. That's why. This won't work on skeletons. And the Lust Devil was guarded by a skele-barrier."

.GIFfany put a hand on her head. "You are kind of confusing, but... at least you can now beat Pyronica."

"Yeah! I can! Watch!"

He just flipped a coin.

"The hell is that?" .GIFfany asked.

"It's a thing! That brown-haired news reporter kinda showed up and gave it to me!"

"News-reporer?"

"Yeah, remember when we were coming back to the Mystery Shack after being the .GIFfany for the first time?"

"Yes. Oh yeah, that was weird, she teleported away. ...What happened to her, anyway?"

When the coin landed, it fired a laser that plasted Pyronica to death. Hey, if you wanted more of the pink ass, read _Escape From Fanservice Island_. This doesn't count as the gag of recommending _run:gifocalypse_ because EFFI isn't RG. :)

"Ahem. I'm right here, you know."

That wasn't said by Pyronica or anything (she's dead now) think of it as a continuation of the conversation: It was the reporter from Chapter 4! She was actually going to be in Chapter 6, but I ran out of room.

"Oh, hey! Reporter!"

"Please. My name is Kyu. Well, I guess you're seeing me again, huh?"

"Hi Kyu! It's been, like, forever months. How do you feel about Mable's apocalupse? Actualyl, what about Bill's? Or even the Lust Devil's"

Kyu shrugged. "I've seen worse, but the Lust Devil was a dick. Anyway... Tell Melody that the next challenge is actually not just 'about to start,' but it's right now. You know, this should be convenient for you now that you've killed Pyronica using some cool coin shit."

* * *

Meanwhile Teeth was still in this colossal monster multi-headed/teeth set form, that was kicking around Finalayer Shackan Lagann.

"Okay this is getting boring." Said Teeth/Sloth Devil. "I'm just gonna watch the election now."

So then the Sloth Devil turned on the news and thanks to the President of Canada's badassness the two candidates were already in position for stuff.

"Okay." Said the interviewer. "Debate. What is your stance on the transgender bathroom law?"

"...What's that?" Asked Melody. "Is that like, those gender bending magic comics I read on DeviantART?"

"Yeah, I'm confused." Said Stan. "Isn't that a porno flavor?"

Ryan Christian said, "Transgingers are funny to make fun of on _Family Guy_. Hahaha I coukd make a puking gag for one minute." (He's a Brian Griffin reference.)

GPF siad, "Well, Pikmin don't exactly shit - or really 'eat' for that matter unless you count nectar - so as long as I'm in this body I can't really say anything of that."

Quimby- oh right, he failed, nevermind. Uh... Lawyer Guy. "I'll solve the issue by copyrighting genders."

Rounding out the demos was - one two three four, Stan was technically a repub... oh, nevermind. Let's just go to the other side.

Hank and Bank both said "I don't want to share my pissing room with men in dresses?"

And finally, Blondeulina. "Trans r fuking hot I'm fine with that."

The interviewer tilted his head on the side. But then Tambry and Dan both angrilly broke in.

"Trans are mentally ills that don't exist!" Shouted Tambry, half-shouting to the microphone. Because of the angle it just came out in that REEEEE BEWWWW sound effect.

"What?! No! Trans are the superior extra third and fourth genders that should wear their body hatred as a proud badge and kill the cis!" Shouted Dan.

"Fuck off, normie!"

"Shut up, KKK leader!"

"Are you two gonna kiss?" Stan asked. "Because the tension between you is obvious."

"Ew! I'm an adult and she's 16!" Dan finally said something that wasn't fucking retarded.

"Age is just a number though, you need to grow up and accept how normal it is to want to date 14 year olds!" Tambry's moment for that, however, might have to wait a little. "As a proud lolicon fan, I- wait, Debate Guy, can this be about lolis instead?"

"No." Said Debate Guy. "On to our next question and then the Baseball Challenge, I'm gonna ask about war. What's your opinion on war?"

This time only the main two get to answer that.

"I like playing a lot of Call of Duty, so uh, you can shoot people and get points, that's cool?" Said Melody. Everyone cheered although Melody facepalmed because that wasn't supposed to be a good attempt thing.

"Yeah! Shoot people! See that? She's for shooting those stupid SJW cancer that's everywhere!" Said Tambry, with stars in her eyes.

"No, she's clearly talking about shooting Nazis and bigots!" Said Mandly Dan. "Also, the cis. FUCKING DAMN YOU CIS!"

"My opinion on war is FUCK EVERYONE WHO IS AGAINST AMERICA!" Said Stan. "VOTE ME FOR PRESIDENT OR YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE BRITISHPEAN!"

But nobody cheered.

"You're against America by your proposed pron ban!" Said Tambry. "So you should be saying to go fuck yourself! That's logic!"

"I don't care about war can we talk about how killing the cis again? :(" Dan asked.

"Okay we're out of time!" Said Debate Guy. "Now, your next challenge is to play baseball with eachother."

Tambry and Dan were still wrestling over the mic and then their Fakebook friends, Tambry's multihaircolored teenages and Dan's manly lumberjacks, all crowded around the mic to try to grab it. Debate Guy turned off the mic got on a lawn chair and ate popcorn and laughed his ass off as they were now all trying to wrestle for a piece of metal that doesn't do anything.

"MELODY GO WIN FOR PRESIDENT I LOVE YOU YOU'RE A TRANS ICON EVERYWHERE BY TRANS AND FOR TRANS!" Said Manly Dan.

"Uh, what? No I'm not. I don't even know what a ranch-gender is." Said Melody. "I don't even want to be president, it was a spur of the moment."

"IN MY HEADCANON YOU ARE! A TRANSWOMAN BETTER THAN WOMAN, AS YOU'RE NOT REALLY A WOMAN!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT REALLY WOMEN!" Shouted Tambry. "THEY'RE INSANE MEN IN DRESSES BETRAYING THEIR BIOLOGICALLY!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT WOMEN! THEY'RE TRANSWOMEN, SOMETHING NEW AND BEAUTIFUL!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT WOMEN! THEY'RE MEN!"

* * *

 **(Baseball)**

"Listen," said Stan, "I really fucking hate sports episodes, so I want to get out of this as soon as possible. You remember Grunkcle Stan Wins the Football Bowl I know nothing about this shit."

"The teams are only four against four." Said Melody. "Actually, wait. Why the hell are we playing with our opponents in the same party?"

President of Canada answrred. Oh yeah, they were in a baseball stadium in uniforms, except .GIFfany's was like a bikini version of baseball because she's the Fanservice. And yes, the teams are: the repubs as one team and the demos as the other. Oh, GPF did not wear a uniform, because **PIKMIN DO NOT WEAR CLOTHES.**

 _ **EVER.**_

Sorry about that. Anyway. Neither did Soos because he was still naked.

Tambry and Dan were still yelling back in the debate room but you probably don't care about that shit. It's like _Steven Universe_ where nobody gives a rat's ass about 90% of the humans, except instead of Gems they want to find out about Bill. Unfortunately Bill is dead now so you'll have to have fun with his weirdos, like the Sloth Devil.

"It would make more sense if I get to play with Soos, .GIFfany, and Rumble on one team. And four people team baseball?" Melody continued.

So then the teams were that the first lady/gentleman, head of the president guard, and president scientist were all... that would be a total of sixteen on each, right? They were all gathered by the line, with the baseball in the middle and Stan and Melody facing each other.

"Same regular baseball rules applies." Said the President of Mexico. "If the candidate leaves, then the rest of her or hsi-"

"His or her this is a man's sport." Said Hank. "Not like soccer at all."

"FUCK YOU HANK, IN MY COUNTRY IT'S CALED FOOTBALL, YOUR COUNTRY IS THE ONES THAT CALL THAT OTHER SPORT 'FOOT' WHEN YOU'RE JUST THROWING IT AROUND AND GETTING IN TO GAY PILEUPS! YEAH AMERICAN FOOTBALLL IS FUCKING GAY, IF IT WASN'T FOR THE CLOTHES IE EVERYONE'S NAKED I'D ASSUME IT WAS THE SAME KINDA PORNO STAN WANTED TO BAN!" Preisdent of Mexico shouted at him, folding her arms.

"Is that really gonna be the one thing keeping me out of the white house?" Stan said with a frown. "I mean... it's still what Mabel wants, but..."

"Anyway," continued POM, "her or his entire team of... uh, I don't know what they're called, but they quit too. For example, if Stanford Pines leaves, then Wendy, Trickster, and... oh, Soos, you were with Melody last challenge, you should be with Stan this challenge." Yeah sorry I guess it's not an even 16 vs 16 then. "Will also have to leave. OKAY, READY? *WHISTLE!*"

Ryan was behind Melody ready to make the first catch. He went "Giggity" because her butt was in front of him.

Melody threw the baseball behind her, but to get disqualified she did it shitty on purpose and threw it on his head. Ryan's dog nose was broken and he went "OWIE!" and Stan made an easy steal.

Stan began dribbling the ball over to the Demo's goal net, and he was going "YES! FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M DOING SOMETHING COOL, AND MY BROTHER CAN'T DO JACK SHIT ABOUT IT-"

And then a sword was thrown in the crowd, and the crowd gasped. It was Ford! And he had Fiddleford on top of him!

 **See, you thought this election stuff was just filler, right? Welll... PLOT AND CHARACTERS AND SETTING.**

Ford also had the dead bodies of the other demons except Teeth, because I was getting sick of keeping track of them.

"HEY, LEADERS OF THIS ELECTION!" he Shouted. "I AMD THE _REAL_ STANFORD PINES! THIS ASSHOLE IS JUST MY STUPID BROTHER STAN _LEY_ , STEALING MY NAME! AND _I_ WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDEN!"

Evryone gasped except Ford (who just said the above), Fiddleford (who was trying not to fall), and Ryan (who was like "OW MY FUCKING NOSE IS BROKEN AND BLEEDING!"). Also the President of Canada. The agents guys knew but eh... you know what? Fuck it, I'm retconning that. Stan used his fake name the whole time if anything in Chapter 6 said otherwise.

"Your brother is Stan Lee?" Asked Soos. "Oh. Right. Duh! Haha."

"CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES." Announced Powers nand Trigger (fuck it, at the same time). "WE HAVE A NEWCOMER TO THE ELECTION CHALLENGING THE IDENTITY. HOWEVER, STANLEY HAS PROVEN THE BARE MINIMUM FOR BEING PRESIDENT, WHILE THIS GUY JUS SAT IN HIS CREEPY BASEMENT LAB. SO... WE'LL HAVE THEM COMPETE FOR THAT REPUB SPOT! BUT FORD, YOU'LL I RECOMMENT A FULL TEAM BUT YOU DON'T TECHNICALLY NEED IT AS MELODY IS GOING WITHOUT A FIRST GENTLEMAN THIS CHALLENGE! NOT JUST THAT ONE GUY WHO IS YOUR FIRST GENTLEMAN!"

"Actually, he's my Presidential Scientist." Said Ford. "He's already married to a racoon."

":(" Said Fiddleford.

"But I have special guests!"

Suddenly, a familiar meme started playing.

GOOD MORNING SLAM, WELCOME TO THE JAM!

Bugs Bunny popped out from one of those burrow-trail things.

"WHAT'S UP DOC!?" He asked, chewing on a carrot.

"That's my head of the guard!" Said Ford. "He's a cartoon, so he's invincible!"

And then Lola walked up and stripper music began playing. I'm not a furry but she's fanservice for the furries.

"And that's my... ugh..." Ford shuddered. "I know we don't _have_ to have a full team, but First Lady! Loophole reasons!"

Stan pauced. "IT'S ON, BROTHER!"

Stan grabbed the baseball and pressed the "SWROD" button, whcih turned it in to a sword, and he swordfought against Ford.

"So while the overall scores is still the same and Ford's playing on the Repud side, whoever Stan scores the most points individually gets to stay on, and if they both tie at, say, zero to zero, then I'll hold a terrible tie breaker." Said President of Mexico.

Suddenly Bugs Bunny went through the ground and drilled out kinda like Mabel did in Lagann, but it was a drilling-out so that he ended up hitting Stan in he nuts. Ford smiled evilly as he grabbed the sword-ball, turned it back in the ball, and dribbled it over to the net.

Melody, Rumble, and .GIFfany were just standing there not doing anything. Because Soos was trying to build Stan's reputation, he _was_ kicking as s our there.

Ford threw the ball and it landed through and scored a Republican Goal.

"GOOOAAAL!" Shouited the Debate Guy.

"YES!" Cheered Ford.

Stan looked at his others. "Aren't you guys rooting for him or me?"

Blondulina said, "Well, I like porn. I'd rather have him running than you."

Hank and Bank shrugged. "Whoever scores for us."

"I just thought of something." Said Melody. "What's even the point of making these challenges if both teams both have someone lose? Oh yeah. Approval from others so they'll see how the president acts in war."

Ryan meanwhile recovered from his nose (he was now in one of those cones a dog is in) but was now plotting something evilly.

"I'll use magnets!" He said.

And then h got out some Dick Dastardly thingy that was a giant magnet. Those red U-shaped things even though why can't they be in different colors? I want rainbows of magnets they seem like the kind of thing associated with rainbows and coming in color varieties for some reason. (Maybe the 'fucking magneys'/'double rainbow miracle' old meme?)

But when he turned it on, things just went to shit.

Ford was pulled forward because of the metal plate in his head, ending up headbutting Stan, but also going past that and hitting Ryan not in the nose this time but the balls. Ryan also ended up fucking over his own party, as Melody was having metal coins in her pants pocket so it ended up ripping off her pants and her panties were everyone could see and that was mbarassing.

"Oh, fuck you!" She said.

"I swear." Said Ryan. "That time, it was unintentionaly."

But then the ball went past her and that threw off the rest of her clothes.

"BWAH!" Said Bank and Hank at the same time. "FEMALE NUDITY! I AM OUTTA HERE!"

Hank ran off the field first, followed by Bank. Remember this order, it's important.

"YES!" Shouted Ryan. "I got two of the shitty conservative team off!"

But then he turned it off because his cone was also being attracted by it. He was pinned to the magnet as he said that.

Buggs Bunny kept scoring shots in and eating carrots, and that scored five points on the repub side.

"HAHA, NOTHING CAN STOOP ME DOCK!" He said after scoring the republicans - and Ford - five points (the same five points as above, not five new points. The Repuibs and Ford have six points). But then he slipped on a hole and broke his ankle. "OW! FUCKING GOPHERS!"

"This is gettting boring." Said the president of Canada as Stan kinda took the ball and went around GPF. "Time to make this more Canadian."

He pressed a button and the arena flooded in with lava, and two tornados popped out.

"That's better." He said.

Suddenly everyone was like "OH SHIT!" and ran for cover. Professor Sandy zipped on the arena and used her powers (remember she's the earth one) to lift some of the grass and the stone beneath, acting as a platform for Rumble and Melody. (.GIFfany (and the other .GIFfanys) was immune to lava becausse she's OP, and Soos was part of the other team.)

Lawyer Guy just used money to call in a giant lava-proof cruise ship, and it had an indoors section so that protected from the tornados. He gathered the other democrats there.

"Okay, Lawyer meeting." Said Lawyer Guy. "I'm sick of this shit. I don't care which of the Stan brothers wins this."

"Hi there!" It was Stan and his team! "Can we hide on your ship too?"

"I mean, lava will melt me." Said the Summerween Trickster. "So that sucks."

Lawyer Guy just looked angry. "NO!"

"Look! If it helps, we're on your side! We both don't want Ford to get more goals!" Said Stan.

"STILL NO! BECAUSE YOU DISAGREEWITH ME ON HOW TO PROPERLY HANDLE PORNOGRAPHY! I'LL END YOU!"

Then he hit Stan with a Lawyer Punch, which sent him flying off of the Lawyerboat. Ford had his own ship, the Stan O Not War Because I Don't Rofgive my Brother, and that had all the republican nominees on it. And yes, Bugs Bunny was saved by the ship.

"Thanks Doc!" Said Bugs.

"Actually, I am literally a dcotor. I have 12 PHDS." Said Ford.

"OH SHIT!"

"Why 12 PHDs that item does not stack with Diplopia." Said Professor Dove. "Although I do agree that it is a good item, I hate negative pills. Especially Amnesia, taking away my fucking minimap!"

 _The Binding of Isaac._ That is the reference.

Everyone looked at her.

"HEY!" Shouted Blondeulaina. "You're on the democratic side!"

Dove shrugged. "Technically I'm part of the 'This Country should be a little more like some European nations and other neighbors, namely first and foremost in terms of removing their fucking retarded measurement system' Party. Seriously, fuck 'inches,' 'feet,' 'yards,' and 'miles.' Are powers of ten _really_ that hard to remember? And the prefixes only start sounding weird when you get to the high and low extremes. Like, 'yotta' and 'pico.' Those don't come in for quite a while."

Stan flew through the air and landed on Dove. Well, Dove was strong, so she wasn't knocked over or anyhing, but she just looked at him.

"Also," said Ford, "I don't want to risk you winning and stuff. So get off."

"In to the lava?"

"Mmmmmm... no, but just... somewhere else. I don't care about you."

"But I saved you!"

Dove rolled her eyes. "If you want me gone, I am leaving, because I have no interest in this family arguing business. Uh, you both make excellent points, just don't be so much dicks about it. That's all I gotta say." Then she jumped off and zipped to the other ship.

"I PUSH YOU OFF IN TO THAT TINY ROCK PLATFORM MELODY AND CO ARE ON NOW!" Shouted Ford. Oh yeah, Stan's team was also thrown on the boat.

So then Ford charged at him but suddenly McGucket stood between them.

"Fiddleford! What are you doing defending him? Uh, that can be filed for treason, right?"

"Your quest for answers had turned you in to a dick!" McGucket put bluntly.

Dipper, still part of the fight against Teeth, was watching this game/challenge on the news. He was getting sad.

"Yeah, I went insane," said McGucket "But I got my sanity back JUST to verbally kick your ass in the be-hind! And think of all the damage you did!"

"Ha!" Said Stan. "See?"

"But you also kinda assed a little too. See, both of you have to work through with your growth together. You can't just one only."

Mabel saw that part too and got sad.

But both the Stans were sad-ish and they both sighed at the same time.

"Okay, fine." Said Ford. "We'll I forgive I assume. Thank you for saving me and I punched you in the face, that was terrible."

"Great! In fact, I could put you a part in running for presi-"

But then there were laser blasts! It was one of those Anti-Spiral like portals that the mechs were coming out of! And that first one was a mechanical Stan!

 **"I would like to introduce the next of the mechanical counterparts."** Announced Mable the Typomonster, evilly. **"Anyway. Stan** _ **ley,**_ **yours is OLDMAN. All caps."**

Stan looked annoyed. "Really? Soos has _Savior_ , Melody has _Fleshgirl..._ I just get a robot named OLDMAN? That's me? That's a lame ass name!"

 **"Stan** _ **ford**_ **, yours is the Metalmind. McGucket, your counterpart is called the Mad Mech. And Trickster, yours is the Jack-O-Demon."**

"All badass names! (Except maybe Jack-O-Demon, that sounds like something from a Children's show or a dumb movie for immature teenagers a jacking off joke.)" Said Stan. "And I'm just OLDMAN?!"

* * *

Meanwhile, democrats.

GPF was kinda following .GIFfany around and she kept backing up.

"I keep telling you!" She said. "Stay back, you're kind of all of a sudden started weirding me out with your fan fiction crap!"

"Come on! I love overpowering you!" GPF said in response. "Maybe, in my child-less city, once I actually turn 25 from me being 22 right now, then we could - oh. Wait. You're 20. I'm sorry, 21, your birthday was in September."

"That sounds fine... but I have my own issues! Why are you slowly creeping up on me?!"

"Because, Giffster! It's you, dammit!"

"Stop stalking me or I'll get a restraining order."

"...Nah."

Then GPF got out the Illegal Prime Neutraalizer from _run:gifocalypse_ and said "I'm gonna capture you and stuff now. I don't know. The script said I'd do something like this."

"DON'T CAPTURE ME! FUCK YOU!"

And then .GIFfany grabbed him by the stem and threw him off the ship like Olimar woudl to a Pikmin (remember GPF's avatar is a green Pikmin) and he landed in the lava and burned to deaath.

"GAH!" Were GPF's last words. "I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE IMMUNITY TO THE IPN! Oh wait, that doesn't make sense." There no more chance of him derailing the plot like he did in Chapter 6. Fuck that guy.

"WELL!" Said Melody. "With a democrat dead, I'm automatically going to move up to the next round anyway! No offense .GIFfany, but... you couldn't have waited until I was kicked off?"

"Are you victim blaming me?" .GIFfany asked.

"No, sorry."

"Well still, kind of sorry for uh, giving you an automatic spot. Still, your Presidential Scientist is a murderer! That should discourage people from voting for you, right?"

Anyway let's go back to the Repub's ship. It was under attack by the mechanical counterparts!

"I have a mecha just in case a moment like this, it is lava proff just like the ship. In fact, it IS this ship!" Said Ford.

And then the lava-boat turned in to a mecha! Bigger than the one back in his lab. That was kind of a shitty one.

"Okay is everything mecha?" Asked Soos. "Because I actually don't mind that."

"Daaaaamn!" Said Bugs Bunny. "That's one sweet-ass ride."

"NOW WE'LL MECHA!"

But then OLDMAN just fired out a lot of... uh, the fez symbol-shaped lasers which pushed the Ford's mecha back, and down in to lava.

"Ow..." he said.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!" Cried Stan. "Trust me, I'm an EXPERT at kicking my own ass! I can take this guy down!"

OLDMAN just got out a lot of machine guns from his pecks and fired them, which ended up blowing holes in Ford's mecha. But then Stan lept out and cut OLDMAN in half with a spiked baseball bat, and that caused him to explode. Stan ended up landing safey on a rock platform, so he didn't fall in the lava.

"One down and three to go-"

Did I do the Anti-Spiral thing where they turned in to bombs? I should do that if I didn't.

The explosions were a lot and even the other mecha, Jack-O-Demon, went "HOLY ASS SHIT!" in surprise.

* * *

The explosions also attracted Sloth Devil, who was watching this from... where were they? Was this all still in Gravity Falls? By .GIFfany Land? **SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS ELECTION CRAP WAS RELEVANT!**

"Hey that looks more fun than just kicking your ass." Said the Sloth Devil. "In fact, I'm just also gonna hop over to the ocean and get a certain someone to help."

"Ocean?" Said Mabel ."Are you talking about my husbando from the sea-o...? I tried to make that rhyme, sorry."

"FUCK OBVIOUSLY YES OF COURSE! IT'S MERMANDO YOU DUMB FUCK! WHAT, YOU THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GONNA SEE HIM UNTIL THE VERY END?! NO! THIS IS A GREAT PIKMIN FAN STORY, AND THAT GUY LOVES PLOT TWISTS AND SPEEDING SHIT UP!"

So he Slothaported (I don't know it sounded good in my head) away and came back with Mermando.

"Mabel!" He said happily. "I knew my psychic link would help us destine to destroy the Seven Inner Devils!"

"YAY!" Mabel said back.

Dipper just frowned. Hard. "Not too fand of Mermando..." or whatever he said in _Sock Opera_ I'm trying to copypaste it's hard I don't see how so many fan fictions can do that easily.

But he was interrupted from frowning when the Sloth Devil Sloth-Punched them to the Baseball stadium!

"ALRIGHT! TIME TO FINISH THE SPORTS!" Said Sloth. "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF THE INNER DEVILS!"

Meanwhile, Ford was sad because his dickishness was geting his niese, nephew, and long-lost neise Nzyvo (uh, Pacifica the last niese was just kind of angsting off and was maybe watching the baseball in the audience? I forgot...) to be attacked by Teeth/The Sloth Devil. So he nodded.

"OKAY STAN! US MYSTERY TWINS OLD GENERATION WILL NOW WORK TOGETHER!"

And then his mecha began to glow with hot bloodedness! And it healed up.

"STANLEY! LET'S COMBINE!"

"...Wait, not so fast! I still don't kind of completely like you!" Stan replied.

"And anyone who hates Stan hates me!" Said the Summerween Trickster.

"I'M SORRY!" Said Ford.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH! DO SOMETHING HUMILIATING!"

So Ford parked his mecha on the camera recording the game and said, "HEY PEOPLE WATCHING TO SEE WHO'S THE NEXT PRESIDENT! ELECT _THIS!_ "

And then he started twerking to the camera while he stuck his lips out.

"Okay I forgive you!" Said Stan, smiling. He is actually kind of cute when he smiles.

"Yes I agree :)" Said the Summerween Trick- SHUT _UP_ TRICKSTER DON'T TALK TO ME WHILE I'M TELLING THE STORY!

Anyway, so then now that they were teamed up, they could fight back! All the little 'candies' on Jack-O-Demon flew off and were actually these robot drones like the Destroyer from _Terraria_ , so now instead of a metal body with 'candy' lights on it, it was all these holes - OH GOD TRYPOPHOBIA!

Un, quick! Stan hopped in the mech and their combined brotherly spiral energy let them be immune to all the lasers and then they blew up Jack-O-Demon too, leaving just Ford and McGucket's counterparts.

"HA HA, ISN'T THIS FUN! BUT GUESS WHAT!" Shouted Sloth Devil. "I HAVE THE UPPER HAND NOW!"

And then he stuck out a multi-teeth hand, grabbing Dipper, Mabel, Nzyvo, and Mermando! (Um did I say Mermando was in the mech now? He was.. Sloth zipped him in there.)

"LET GO OF MY FAMILY AND MY NEISE'S CRUSH!" Shouted Ford, who fired a laser at the Sloth Devil.

"HAHA, TASTE THE POWER OF THE DEVILS, MORONS!"

Then he fired a laser at Bugs, blowing him up! OH SHIT!

Bugs Bunny is now dead. Things just got super serious you guys.

"HOW DARE YOU KILL BUGS BUNNY!" Ford shouted. "I'LL END YOU!"

"Do you still want to be my hubsand?" Lola Bunyn asked.

"Um, no. I'm not a fury."

"...Well aren't you a whore." Lola narrowed her eyes.

So anyway Stan and Ford joined their Spirtal Energyes and tries to punch at Mad Mech, but then suddenly the Hexaseximal flew by and blew him up with a punch, and he shouted "AH! DOG DANGIT I'M DEAD!"

"What?" Asked Soos. "We don't _have_ to evenly fight like this, with you guys taking out your mechanical counterparts. That's what friends are for."

Stan grinned. "You're amazing, Presidential Scientist!"

"What about me?" Asked Wendy.

"Well..." Stan began.

But then the last mech was there! Metalmind!

"PREPARE TO BE ANALYZED! I NEED MY MASTERPIECE WORK TO BE DONE, WHICH IS TO DISECT YOU AND SET UP YOUR INNARDS!" That's what he said that's his personality I guess.

"NO! BROTHERLY LOVE BUT NOT BROTHERS THAT SUFFOCATE POWERS AWAY!" Shouted Ford. "STAN, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?"

"THE GIGA DRILL BREAK?"

"YEAH, LET'S DO THAT! AND FINISH THESE ROBOTS AND THAT TEETH GUY OFF!"

Metalmind rolled his eyes.

"It's futile you fucks." He said. "Individuality is key here."

"TWIN PUNCH!" Stan and Ford cried, not actually doing the Giga Drill Brea kjust yet. (False advertizing! Or not, they're saving up for Sloth Devil.) Anyway, the mecha just simply used two hands to both punch at the same time, and because they were spiral-charged, it blew up but the Hexaseximal made an electric forefield to collect all the explosions.

"Now... to END WEIRDMAGEDDON!" Stan cheered.

"Yeah!" Cheered Lola. "End Weirdmag-"

But first Sloth Devil fired lasers at Lola Bunny and blew her up because he's a dick.

"Ha ha ha you can't stop me!" Laughed the Sloth Devil. Then his mecha-form or whatever it was got out a skateboard.

"Fuck these presidential challenges I know something that can fuck with all of you, at least the 'group of four' with the 'focus' of this chapoter to desperately not make everything about Soos boning .GIFfany."

Soos shrugged and laughed but then he felt bad about laughing because Bugs and Lola Bunny just died. "Well, he's right." He said.

"A SKATEBOARDING CHALLENGE, YOU OLD FUCKS and I'm not sure how old the candy guy is he's over 18 right!" Sloth Devil shouted. He smoked with one of his mouths and then just threw it away. "CAN YOU RACE ME DOWN THIS LAVA WAVE?! But seriously the Candy Guy was made in, like, the 80s or something? **90s?** That's... I dunno."

Then the Stan twins trried to Giga Drill Break but Sloth Devil's big hydra-ish but not form just deflected it with Sloth Waves that made them feel a bit too lazy even with Spiral Power. It was astronger sloth wave that's why.

"Wait a minute." Said Ford. "I have an idea. Yes, let's do it! The skate contest!"

"HAHa, you're an idiot. My powered up mega form is so much bigger than your mecha. I'll make it to the other side first. AND WHEN I DO, PLOT TWIST, I'LL LASER BALST YOU!"

The skate challenge was to ride the lava across the baseball stadium. Because Sloth Devil's powered up form was about as big as Finalayer Shackan Lagann and also Hexaseximal. So he kind of grinded on the outer edge of the stadium and laughed as he soon reached the end but while he did Ford just shrugged and thought "What the fuck is this desperate guy doing now attacking our ages?" So he, Stan, and also Fiddleford and the Summerween Trickster just went "GIGA... DRILL... BREAK!" And attacked him before he got to the end as a trick! That drilled a hole in him which destracted him for him to fall off the rail, and then most of him exploded except for one lower jaw which kept talking. Meanwhile, Finalayer Shackan Lagann had kinda flown off but nobody was completley sure where it went.

"Okay, you're dead now!" Said Ford. "Weirdmageddon is over!"

In fact the portal began to close up and some of the weird stuff like the giant head was sucked back up. But not Bill's friends as Ford already killed them earlier in this chapter. Remember?

"Urgh..." said the Sloth Devil. "Okay, Lust and I were the easy ones! Starting with Greed, they get a **LOT** harder! This is... HARDMODE!"

But then Finalayer Shackan Lagann flew back with a giant iceberg and crushed the lip thing or whatever with it, completely killing off the Sloth Devil. Or... Teeth, of all things. Why Teeth? Because he's pink and Pyronica's pink and I kinda wanted the pink ones to be important for some reason. Actually _Cuphead_ has nothing to do with it but if they did it would be an easy parrying. I can imagine Soos parrying all over .GIFfany's hair and she would be like "Soos stop it ." and Soos would be like "Why this feels good and fills up my super meter" and .GIFfany can be like "Oh I want you to fill up my 'super meter' with your 'bullet hell.' ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" And Soos would be like "Okay. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" and wow I see what Sloth Devil meant when he said I write about those two too much.

(Oh and to make it dirtty 'parrying her hair' would be parrying her public hair so he'd be slapping her you know what. With girls isn't that like spanking? I know if my thingy, as a guy, was slapped it wouldn't be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) it would just fucking hurt like hell.)

"...Who's the Greed Devil?" Asked Mabel.

"ME!"

The person who shouted that was a snowman inside the iceberg! Remember Chapter 6, when we saw a snowman get trapped in? Well, the heat of the lava from the baseball game helped Global Warming the iceberg faster and when it Global Warminged it until the snowman broke out!

"I'm the Fucking Frost!" He shouted, then he got out a bass guitar and started rocking with it. "AKA THE GREED DEVIL!" Guitar Riff. "AND YOU, MABEL PINES," Guitar Riff, "ARE GONNA FAAAAACE THE MOTHERFUCKING WRATH OF MOTHERFUCKING CRISTMAS!" Two guitar riffs. It was the exact same riff every time ((Think _Idiocracy_ ). Anyway, in addition to the purple clouds with faces on them by Mable the Typomonster, below them was normal gray stormy clouds that began making snow.

"...What?" Asked Ford. "These guys jjust get weirder and weirder. And not in the Bill way, in the 'sillier' way."

"I'LL FIGHT HIM!" Shouted Wendy.

"Uh, oh, right." Said Stan. And he was reminded more when the President of Mexico flew up to him in a jetpack. "Uh, Ford, wanna just run with me for presidency?"

"Yeah..." said the President of Mexico. "Technically, your team won, because time ran out while you were fighting the Sloth Devil and the Mechanical Bosses. Uh, because of Hank and Bank's leaving, and Hank was first, he's out. So is his first lady Peggy, Presidential Scientist Dale, and head of guard Bill. And GPF is out for the democrats because he's dead and dead people can't run for president otherwise I would have voted for Abaham Lincoln to run another term. This also nukes that yellow pikmin for Presidential Scientist and purple pikmin for guard. He had no first lady, hahahaha loser. But, your battle thing. Ford, technically you scored more points than Stan. So..."

"We're merging together!" Said Ford. "I can be the head of the Presidential Guard, and Fiddleford can be the Presidential Scientist. Trickster can still be first gentleman. Since Bugs and Lola are dead and Soos is already working with Melody then everybody can still be happy except the dead people."

The four all nodded. Oh yeah, and because of the 'team alternating' thing, Soos was there.

"Wait a minute... this means I can just be Melody's first gentleman?" He asked. "YAY! I don't have to pick sides! Boy, that would be stressful! Like, if Melody somehow failed at failing the election and made it to the end, but then got hyper agressive against Stan, and Stan also made it to the finals. Now IF that happens I'll just be hard on Melody's side and won't even think about your feelings!"

"Wait a minute..." said Wendy, "WHAT ABOUT ME!?"

"ALSO WHAT ABOUT ME!" That was shouted by GIDEON! Who dropped down in an upgraded Gideon-Bot! It landed in the lava, but he was immune to lava. "HA, YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!"

Oh shit! Now the group has to deal with Cristimas monster, Gideon, and Wendy not having a job anymore!

PS Dan and Tamrby were still arguing about transtransers they didn't know Weirdmagedon was even over and now CHRISTMASMAGENTTON was about to begin.

Oh then the snow froze the lava to obsidian and Gideon's mecha was stuck.

"FUCK!" He shouted.

...

Fuck it I'm feeling lazy so no cryptogram right now. Maybe I'll edit it or something or later or I don't even know, just pretend there's some cool message here about Bill spooking you even though he's dead so he can't spook in like ever.

* * *

 **Closing AN:**

Sorry to Bill fans expecting this chapter to focus a lot more on weirdmageddon, although at the very least it's _kind of_ Stan/Ford focused. I also wasn't expecting my writing and interest in this to _speed up_ once the election came back in to the story, but it did.

By the way, the Lust Devil being one of seven was made up as I went along - originally it was just him as a corruption of "Love God," then I got more and more interested in _Scott Pilgrim_ series and just went 'fuck it.' I had thought of Teeth being kinda important to Weirdmageddon and of the Fucking Frost (hence why he shows up back in Chapter 6), but I never thought of 'linking' them together. The parallels between Lust and the first Evil Ex (namely, female demon flunkies) were coincidental. For Sloth Devil, by the time I _started_ on the chapter I hadn't thought of it much, but then I just kind of slapped on the "fails from his own skateboard trick" to give a half-assed reference to the second Ex. From the Fucking Frost/Greed Devil onwards, the references to the Evil Exes should become a _lot_ more obvious.

Oh, and Chapter 6 originally cut off on what Blondulina was going to do to improve the country. (It was just "So I'm just gonna see if I can help protect the country by ") I finally went back and gave her something to say about that.

PS: Mermando hype! Oh, and a word in advance: the "group" of this chapter was supposed to be Stan, Ford, the Trickster, and Fiddleford. And the next chapter will be kind of "meant" to be centric on Wendy (as the ending implied), but also Gideon, Candy, and Grenda.


End file.
